I like to pretend that my life sucks.
I go through these phases- anorexia one day, cutting the next. Bulimia. Compulsive over eating. As many pain pills as I can handle.
Anything to justify the way I feel,
Like I’m hopeless and useless and better off under the ground.
But I know that I’ve got it good, that there are girls who would kill to spend a day in my shoes.
Which just makes me feel dirtier.
Tag:
Anorexia
everythings supposed to be perfect. i have the most amazing boyfriend ever but… i still want to cut and puke. i cant eat normal even though he begs me to. im still depressed. i still want to die. i still feel fucking empty like i dont exist…. WHY? this was supposed to fix everything having my best friend in the whole universe as my boyfriend but somethings wrong. i just wanna starve, cut and die but he wont let me.
i dont know how much longer i can last
I told my two best friends that i think i need help and that i thought i was borderline anorexic. the first one laughed and said that it was okay, then she turned the conversation to herself. like i don’t even matter. she turned to my other friend and said ‘i cut myself the other day after not doing it for so long.’ i wanted to turn to her and say ‘yeah, well i contemplate suicide every night and you ignoring my problems because you think all anyone ever cares about is you. thanks for letting me know you want me to stay here.’
the second person i told was […]
I’ve lived a long life filled with struggles.
I don’t want want anyone to suffer like I have.
I’ve suffered with anorexia sense I was 8.
started cutting around age 13.
I don’t respect myself and hurt everyday thinking no one cares about me..
I am constantly told I’m not good enough or it sure feels that way
I have wrote my suicide note but couldn’t go thorough with it.
I want to help others.
there’s more to my story than this but am on a pphone
please if you need help reach out to me..
chance are ill need your help too
Seems like it’s becoming a high priority again. Damn Eating Disorder…
Fuck swimming classes man. If it weren’t for having them every single day for two hours I could of had the chance to starve myself. I want to die, but I don’t want to die drowning. I’m pretty sure that’s an unpleasurable experience. When I was anorexic, I was 5’5 and 98 lbs, that was back in Dec.-Nov. 2011. 10 months have passed since then, today I finally had to weigh-in in school. Of course I had clothes on, and I weighed myself naked as anorexic. The scale popped out at 132lbs. My heart sunk, […]
last year i was diagnosed with anorexia, i fought it but things have got worse. i told two people about it and they helped, but now my best friend at school, ditches me for some skank, and i was crying because i hate my skin, i hate being in this body. and i left the class, and the skank started making it about her, omg this, omg that, she jealous of me and blah blah, so i hated the way she did that, and when im crying im just thinking about suicide. this has happened for the last 2 days, and now my so called […]
“It’s dying, It’s dying!” They all cry,
Your heart got far too close to mine,
And now it’s ripping, breaking inside,
My body breathes a sigh of relief as it’s time.
I can hear it in the wind, I can feel it on my skin,
“Just one more time, you’ll feel much better ” I can’t let these voices in.
“Please don’t desert us, we were always there for you,
On those lonely nights when you were lost and didn’t know who to turn to.
Self harm? No harm! What harm can it do? They take me away cause they know it hurts you.”
Now she’s […]
I went to the doctors. They said I most likely have a stomach ulcer from too much smoking and alcohol and pills.
That’s never good. If It bursts well.. I’ll have to get an operation and I could die.
[…]
my life as i know it is going to shit. i have no one to trust, no one to turn to. even when i want help i never get it. my meds dont do anything for me. i can help but cut every day. i binge and purge almost ever meal, that is when i decide to eat. i dont want to be here anymore. i dont want to suffer everyday. i dont want to wake up and dread being alive. my lungs ache with every breath i take. why. just why am i here?
My brother died when i was 9. Withing a course of 4 years, 10 more family members died.
I was diagnosed with manic depression and anorexia at the age of 12.
I use to be a major self harmer.
I am proud to say it has been over one month. <3
At the age of 13, i fell in love, and lost my virginity to a boy who i thought would never leave.. 4 days later he left. I wanted to die.
He called me a slut, easy, whore, ****, insecure, ugly, disgusting, fat.
I have forever thought of myself as these things, since he has said them because at one […]
It all started in September of 2010. Two years ago. We met.. He fell for me, and i didnt fall quite as hard for him. I was in a terrible relationship at the time, and he tried to save me.. But try was all he could do.. because i was too stubborn to listen to anyone. Little did i know, he was so in love with me.. it was literally killing him. After my .. lets say “rejection” towards him, he got involved with a girl who would call him saying “Im cutting as we speak.” “If you dont say the right thing in the […]
Hey, so I guess the title says it all. I am fucked up. And I’m only 11. I started noticing that I was anorexic when I was 8, I didn’t like eating. I never knew why, and I’m still suffering anorexia… this month has been one of the worst. First of I lost and amount of weight (im underweight), so then I can’t see my only true love, and he hasn’t texted nor call for about a week now. I don’t only suffer anorexia, but cutting, suicidal, and they say I have mental health problems as well. My cutting started in 4th grade, when my […]
Poem I wrote (but I do have anorexia)
It makes us lie. People die.
Anorexia is it’s name.
No food today.
I wonder what I weigh.
Fat is all I can see….
Why can’t my family leave me be.
I’m disgusting, revolting…
I carved the word ‘fat’ into my skin.
I’m screaming but no one is listening.
‘Save me’ I scream…
Please let this just be a bad dream…
Anorexia has consumed me, PLEASE
just realize this isn’t me and see.
On one of the hottest days of August in the year of 1971, a fair Pitty Sweet made her red-carpet entrance into the world. The stories of a difficult birth were told for years, but one thing that was often mentioned was that young Pitty was born quite round.
Survey said she was so round that she could easily roll down the hill to the very bottom on her very own. Her mother insisted on red frilly dresses, but her grandmother not caring for the colour red, put brown dresses on her all almost every single day, and if anyone looked twice they might mistake […]
I’ve been sick this week, with the worst sore throat I’ve ever had. I’ve been using it as an excuse not to talk to people, which makes them less likely to talk to me. I haven’t said more than is absolutely required of me (mostly ‘yes’ ‘no’ and ‘I’m fine’) since Monday. And it feels fucking good. No one questions me. It’s easy. Just don’t speak, and no one will want you to.
It’s the same with eating, I’ve decided. All week I’ve barely eaten a thing (my anorexia is doing cartwheels) and I’m not hungry at all. Don’t start, and there’s no need to continue.
I think I’ll […]
No one cares about me because my sister has it worse. She’s got anorexia and depression and she self harms. I self harm and try to kill myself. I feel like my whole life is a stupid comparison to her. I want to cut myself until I pass out. I want to stay awake for so long that I just drop. I can’t do this anymore, and yet no one even notices.
i know this is suicide help but im caught on running away;
my boyfriend that i love so much and been with for the longest through THE MOST (me cheating, arguing daily, thinking im pregnant, my bulimia & anorexia, self inflicting, and self esteem) may be going to jail because of my mom; we may argue a lot but in the end were more in love than anything you could imagine; i was raped by my moms ex boyfriend and touched by her 2nd ex husband; all of this is coming out as once; and its sooo much pressure and i dont want my boyfriend […]
Can’t believe I’m posting here. Thought I was over all of this. I’m 42 now. Lifetime of depression, anxiety, anorexia, and bulimia. I had gotten to a point where I had left a bad marriage, bought my own car, own house, raising my child, and held a full time very difficult job. I decided to change shrinks 1 week ago who suggested I do “talk therapy.” I went to 1 apt and have essentially fallen apart since that apt. This was totally unexpected. Apparently, I’ve been trying to hold everything together all these years…just keep going, just keep going, and follow the routine is what […]
I keep starting and deleting everything I write. I try and articulate how I’m feeling and what I feel I need to do but I just can’t. It’s not so much that I’m insecure, mostly just that everything I try to explain doesn’t come out right. Writing has never really been my strong point. I really need someone to talk to but there really isn’t anyone here (not the site but where I live). I tried to open up to my mom but she’s was so oblivious to what I was trying to tell her. And I can’t really blame her because she is going […]
I dont know anymore what do to , what do think. My girlfriend had anoxeria and bulimia. She got over it. But the aftermath is that all the time shes somekind of sick and ill. Through the Year she chanced she started to getting annoyed by everythink. and she always say i wanna pick a fight or some shit. we still love each other but i cant go on for over a month i havent seen here and always when we wanna see us there is some problem that we cannot see eachother atm it the problem that shes annoyed and she dont want to […]