Tag:

awful

I’m done

by silent_songbird 6/3/2017

written by silent_songbird

Life has been such a huge freaking struggle and I feel like I’m done. The chronic pain I suffer from, my sick family, my failure as a person, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of living…but, I’m not positive I want to die.

I’m kind of convincing myself not to off myself by challenging the concept of suicide. You see right now, when I think about suicide I ask myself how my corpse will look, or how others will react as well as the bliss of nothingness. If I was going to really commit suicide, I’d have to stop caring about superficial aspects of my postmortem […]

6/3/2017 3 comments

Restless

by J Doe 5/23/2016

written by J Doe

Hello. Today was a bit rough. I have a little under two weeks left for school. I just need to get through it. Around this time I get kind of depressed. I am never comfortable around people and school is the only time I am ever around people. When it comes to summer, I do my utmost to stay away from public places. However, I can’t help but feel kind of shitty when going back to that routine. It means I really am alone. When you have no reason to be around people, it means people have no reason to be around you. You are […]

5/23/2016 8 comments

I Feel Sick

by Zetsumei 5/8/2016

written by Zetsumei

So once again, sleep is both my seducer and my tormentor. Tempting me with the taste of an eternal requiem for a lullaby but sapping my strength to fall into that eternal requiem, as well. What a cruel mistress she is.

Heh, it’s gotten to the point I even realize that the words, “Happy Mother’s Day” from my mouth might as well be “I hate you and go die!” My mother even saw this hidden tab while I was signing my great-grandmother’s card… I really am an awful person…

5/8/2016 4 comments

Anxiety

by JiminyCrispies 5/8/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

I see my therapist on Friday, and I haven’t done anything I was supposed to do over the last few weeks before our appointment. It was all anxiety-related stuff, and I haven’t even given it a second thought. I’ve been too preoccupied with the building anxiety over the voices and Bree instead.

I think it’s safe to say the weird mood I’ve been in for over a month has completely and utterly dropped. I can’t even remember what it was, but something made me snap the other day and I’ve felt awful since. Or maybe I’ve just slipped into the depression-side of this hyperactive episode – […]

5/8/2016 4 comments

i dont know what to do

by haileewantstobehappy 5/7/2016

written by haileewantstobehappy

I’ve only posted on here so many times but I’ve never really gotten deep into how I feel or what my life is like, mainly because I know nobody cares, but right now, things are so hard and I just really really wanna kill myself. The days are emotions range, I’m never truly happy though. I don’t think I can be happy on this earth anymore. Not until I leave it but I’m just at a really awful point right now and I don’t know what I’m looking for I just want to kill myself and feel so incredibly alone it’s awful.

5/7/2016 11 comments

Hi

by kupo95 5/7/2016

written by kupo95

Hi been a while Im still horrible and want to die but cant

Fond out my sister in law had to get rid of her pregnancy I have be a mess since I found out i was there on the phone when she was given the good news now im sick over it . I cant talk to my brother beacuse I know I will cry on the phone with himand I dont want to put Him threw that .

I hust hate my life Im traped And i wanna die really just drop dead .

Im gonna see captain America tonight that about it .

I been thinking […]

5/7/2016 7 comments

strggling

by Namelessqueer 5/3/2016

written by Namelessqueer

I just started a new job and I feel like i’m struggling to get on my feet. I’m struggling to find a new therapist and psychiatrist that accepts my new insurance. I’m struggling to just breathe. I just broke up with someone and while it doesn’t feel like the end of the world it still feels awful. I’m feeling all sorts of ways. I feel sad that I feel useless. I feel upset and frustrated that I can’t end violence against trans people or against people of color. I know it’s not all my fault but I’ll stay sad till we’re all safe.

5/3/2016 1 comment

Partly My Fault

by Cordless 5/3/2016

written by Cordless

triggers

Possible problem.

Last night I logged off and went to bed hours earlier than usual. I laid there and cried for what was probably an hour before falling asleep.

When I woke up today, I found that a friend had emailed me 20 minutes after I’d logged off. The email was brief and very desperate sounding, begging me to be there and answer. This friend has been in a suicidal mindset for quite a few months now; possibly even longer. Lately they’ve gotten more and more serious about it.

I […]

5/3/2016 4 comments

I WAS the suicide, mom beat me

by jennjenn 4/23/2016

written by jennjenn

I came here often, not much to say. I’ve tried plenty of times, I’m just a dick.
Now I’m 19 weeks pregnant. Mom killed herself on Saturday. No email, no call, idk if there was a note. I didn’t realize how awful this end feels. No fucking answers. She knew I was pregnant and didn’t care. Knew I have no family and I’m in trouble, no biggie.
I still want to do it. All I did is sob before. Bf screams at me and threatens to kick me out all the time.
The world is fucked.

4/23/2016 5 comments

Another bottle to wash away this awful dream, Reminding me that I will never get to be with you. What am I suppose to do? Waking up in bed and I am still alone…

by Rotted_Flesh 4/23/2016

written by Rotted_Flesh

Stuck in the void
You left me here
Trying to avoid the atmosphere.
Caught in the crowds
Your voice is so loud
But then it seems to disappear.

I bought the last thing that I fucking need
Another bottle to wash away this awful dream
Reminding me that I will never get to be with you
What am I suppose to do?
Waking up in bed and I am still alone
Spending countless hours staring at my phone.
I bought the last thing that I fucking need.

Stuck in the void
You left me here
Trying to avoid the atmosphere.
Caught in the crowds
Your voice […]

4/23/2016 1 comment

Cotton Guy

by heyitspsychologymajorshit 4/22/2016

written by heyitspsychologymajorshit

The thing is, it’s not always a bright sunny day. It’s a good shot to make others feel better at least. Of course I want to help them also as far as I can. It’s a relief when you seem them years from now waving at me and having a priceless smile. It was worth it.

I know it was worth it.

But you know, as what I’ve told you, I’ve had troubles. One of the members in our family is depressed and I’m trying so hard to help her. She’s my sister actually. When I’m in the class, I don’t understand why we should not entertain […]

4/22/2016 1 comment

I really want to kill myself instead

by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful) 4/12/2016

written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)

Of waiting. I tried hanging myself countless times to no avail last year. I may try again next week. We move and ill have my own room again. I’ll have the space to do it. My mom is talking about moving and the things we have to do. Im to old to care how it will affect her or any family. Before my breakdown last year we had barely talked for 5 years. I dont care a anymore. There wasnt a me before this pain. This is who i am. I am depressed and suicidal. I am also tired and old. Ive had countless attempts, […]

4/12/2016 10 comments

Looking for someone

by ap312 4/10/2016

written by ap312

Hi. I haven’t used this site in a very long time. Long enough to forget my password and to have to create a new account. I came here cause I felt alone. Wanted to die. Shocker I know. But I came across this post. A party post. I can’t recall the user who held it. But it made me feel apart of something. Feel included. More than I had in a long time before. I feel awful for not remembering the user. That user and others impacted me greatly that night. I’ve looked thru the site for that post again but couldn’t find it. Deleted i’m […]

4/10/2016 9 comments

awful

by evildandelions 4/1/2016

written by evildandelions

Yesterday I woke up sad and crying. Two hours later my period started. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, where my period coincides with a drastic turn in mood. Maybe birth control would help?

I spent so much of yesterday crying, just hurting so much. And today’s been pretty much the same, except I’m alone in the house. I tried to do the things that are supposed to help; I meditated (have been somewhat regularly), I did some exercise, I’ve tried to distract myself, forced myself to do some chores and some homework. But it doesn’t go away or lessen. It hurts so much.

It hurts […]

4/1/2016 2 comments

Self-destruction.

by xx 3/30/2016

written by xx

I took too many sleeping aids last night, so this morning I feel kind of awful.

Apparently, sleeping aids do strange things to anxiety.

I’m waiting for a therapist to call me back so we can discuss if we’d be a good match.

I’m so tired. And so scared. And so sad.

I want to treat myself to some good Tex-Mex, because it sounds very comforting right now and I want to eat queso and quesadillas. I don’t think I can drive in this state, though. I shouldn’t risk it.

Does anyone else feel like they are programmed to self-destruct?

3/30/2016 7 comments

No real intent

by aspie 3/24/2016

written by aspie

I’m so sorry for being a terrible person.

I will never be a doctor.

I would make an awful husband and father.

I regent putting everyone though hell.

Thank you Mom for always being there for me, please forgive me.

I’m sorry Katie for all the harassment I inflicted upon you and your friends.

I’m a coward for doing this.

I deserve nothing more then to be Satin’s *****

God let my condemnation provide justice for all my victims

3/24/2016 3 comments

New Drawing

by JiminyCrispies 3/2/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

The lighting is noticeably awful and I couldn’t get a good angle so it makes my shading and tones patchy when they’re not, but I finally finished working into this piece for college (there’s shadows over the drawing, but we’re pretending they’re not there now).

Everything’s getting worse slowly, so it didn’t turn it as well as it was supposed to, but I can live with it.

Originally I had typed up about my horrible day, but I decided against posting it. So instead, here. […]

3/2/2016 17 comments

It’s not fair

by Ryder 2/28/2016

written by Ryder

We deserve the right to die with dignity. No adult should feel forced to live against his or her will. If a grownup really wants to die, there should be nothing denying him that right. I don’t want to risk surviving a fatal suicide attempt. I just want to die and be free from Earth. I’m tired of playing in the sandbox. I’m tired of the competition, mysteries, and hopelessness and I deserve a painless, easy death. We’re all going to die anyway and possibly lose everything, so why does killing oneself have to be so hard. I’ve thought long and hard about this and […]

2/28/2016 12 comments

Hello again, world!

by Cordless 2/27/2016

written by Cordless

ok-with-this

After four days of being sick and near-bedridden because of the usual health issues, I was FINALLY able to get out today.

I was able to get up, shower, get dressed, and go out to one of my favorite WiFi spots.

I realize I should be used to it by now, but it’s just such an awful feeling to be trapped indoors like I am sometimes. It’s like being an animal caught in a trap. Stuck in bed, with bones hurting anytime I try to move. Rolling over in bed was something so difficult that it occasionally […]

2/27/2016 60 comments

Batman vs Superman

by JiminyCrispies 2/25/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

Despite the fact that I’m unwell at the moment, I was somewhat productive today. I am ridiculously excited for Batman vs Superman, and so I decided to use art as a distraction today by spending a few hours on this (this is the first piece I’ve done and put effort into since Christmas, so my blending is iffy. Blah).

My camera quality is awful and the lighting made it difficult to get an okay photo of it, but oh well.

2/25/2016 23 comments

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