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The Horror That Is My Life

by Ylem 1/6/2016

written by Ylem

I’ll be using SP as my dream journal as long as I’m having these horrible nightmares.

I dream about that day. The day he died. I have been dreaming about it mostly every time I go to sleep. This was one reason I refused to sleep for weeks. I didn’t want to sleep because I was afraid of seeing him in my dreams. Afraid of losing him over and over again. In my dreams is where he is alive. I wake up to the reality that he is gone. That’s what hurts more than anything. Each time, he dies. I try to save him somehow, but […]

1/6/2016 8 comments

Just finished a paper on holistic methods for chronic migraines

by nicole123 1/5/2016

written by nicole123

In my English course we had to do a research paper on something . I’m really interested in alternative medicine vs. allopathic medication (what we use here). I found some super cool stuff – it can also help depression.

Aromatherapy – different aromas can alter your mood . I actually tried this and bought different essential oils and smelled them . I could see a change . You can even put the oil on your skin , behind your neck and on your wrists . It some how changes your mood . Super cool

Traditional Chinese medicine(TCM)- needle therapy/massage therapy .
With acupuncture, they think […]

1/5/2016 2 comments

by Sui_RC 1/5/2016

written by Sui_RC

This just hit me.
Our worst method of self harm isnt cutting, or burning,
It is self sabotage.
Atleast thats the way with me.
Worst part , i still have that lingering hope.
And the fact that i am sabotaging myself, while still having that little hope, is tougher.

Suicide is tougher cus i still wanna live.
But my motivation for suicide are ever growing,
1. People hate me , and i hate most of them.
2. The ones i do love, dont love me back
3. My parents only love me cus they are biologically engineered to do so
4. Future is bleak and getting […]

1/5/2016 6 comments

my Crazy

by evildandelions 1/5/2016

written by evildandelions

I don’t even know how to describe this past weekend. I was sorta suicidal, but more really I just wanted to hurt myself. I took a lot of klonopin, which I think might’ve made me psychotic.

My ex called the cops on me, afraid that I’d kill myself. I had been hiding in our old apartment when the cops showed up at the door. I was scared – and this is the main reason I think I might’ve been psychotic- so I jumped from our 7th floor balcony onto the 6th floor balcony. Thinking about it now makes me cringe. I have a slight fear of […]

1/5/2016 3 comments

Another Public Episode

by JiminyCrispies 1/4/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

Graphics went okay, I guess. It turns out they’ve extended the deadline to next Monday, and my tutor didn’t see my lack of work as she was busy.

However, the morning was unbearable. I was in college no less than 15 minutes when I started to have another ‘episode’, for lack of a better word. Thankfully, it only lasted roughly 3 hours. I see my doctor tomorrow morning, first thing. And I’m debating on whether to tell him about what happened today.

I can’t remember most of it, but I vaguely remember believing everyone in college were robots and were part of a plan to attack me […]

1/4/2016 4 comments

Trying to keep moving forward

by tiredthoughts 1/3/2016

written by tiredthoughts

I wanted to write, but now I can’t think of the words. Im trying to stay positive and move forward. I admit I took a few steps back, but Im looking for a brightside, trying to keep my head up. But I worry. Worry about my actions and what I want. I wish I had the words so this post would make sense.

1/3/2016 1 comment

Protected: I read those comments on my last post.

by whiskered-fish 1/3/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

1/3/2016 7 comments

Funeral

by cathy arsis 1/3/2016

written by cathy arsis

I had a friend, lemme back up…… my husband knew this guy, they used to be the best of friends. They had known each other since they were 12. The guy got non Hodgkin s lymph node cancer when he was a teenager. My husband was up there at the hospital every day with him. he lived, ‘beat it’, whatever..this is unrelated, just a back drop…..anyways, flashfoward….he moves in with us, maybe 3 years into our marriage, lives with us for about a year. Nice guy. I wouldn’t have chosen to live with the guy, but he was an integral part of my husband’s life, […]

1/3/2016 3 comments

by JiminyCrispies 1/3/2016

written by JiminyCrispies

Tomorrow I go back to college. I haven’t done any of the work. Despite what my mum has been saying, it’s not due to me being lazy. I haven’t been able to concentrated, and I’ve wasted entire days spacing out and such (although a few people have told me it’s possibly depersonalisation or something -they have it themselves).

I’m not ready to go back to college, I couldn’t cope with daily life without the added pressure of college work. And I’m terrified of what my tutor will say about the work. It’s not like I can go up to her and be honest, saying ‘oh, hey, […]

1/3/2016 3 comments

I miss him

by Ellieanna 1/3/2016

written by Ellieanna

Lying in bed, having all the bad feelings flooding back, and all I want to do is message my “friend” because he’s always been there for me. It’s been almost a week since he told me he couldn’t talk to me anymore until I got help. I can’t do it. My mother will be angry at me because I’m being an inconvenience to them. My roommate will be angry because it means he has to do more house work for a bit and won’t until I’m home and blame me for causing him issues. I usually watch streams to relax and fall asleep to, but […]

1/3/2016 3 comments

Pointless, but…

by disgusting 1/3/2016

written by disgusting

I feel pointless even thinking about what I want, since the universe is against me, but first… I’ve found these videos that make me die laughing. This is my favorite, because it’s just so random and so ridiculous. But I’ve binge watched every video on the channel since yesterday when I found it. I prefer the videos without music, but for the live performances, those are best when they have very bad instrumentals too.

But anyway, I can’t claim to know if this is exactly what I want out of life because if I had it my way entirely, that would probably consist of winning the lottery, […]

1/3/2016 1 comment

Protected: Yup, another post from Kat. What a fucking surprise.

by whiskered-fish 1/2/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

1/2/2016 9 comments

I’m losing my mind

by Ylem 1/2/2016

written by Ylem

Really? Like really?
How the hell do I do this every day? I’m tired. I want to stop smiling. Nothing in me feels like smiling. Yet, when someone talks to me, I give them the warmest smile that makes it seem as though I’m okay.

How do I do this? I feel like I’ve been programmed to smile or something. Have I become that good at faking being okay and happy that I don’t even know how to shut it off anymore? I’m tired of faking now.

I just cried my eyes out while taking a bath. Then I get out, and I’m smiling like nothing happened. […]

1/2/2016 7 comments

And I’m telling you, I just want to die.

by mranony 1/2/2016

written by mranony

My parents discovered my cuts because my aunt told them when she noticed it.

I don’t know how to explain it to them. I just want to end it all. Yes, I appreciate the good things. Yes, I am aware of your love. Yes, life is beautiful. I KNOW. I FUCKING KNOW. BUT I JUST REALLY REALLY HATE MYSELF. I JUST WANT TO DIE.

Why do you say it like it’s my fault that I need to say sorry? Why do you say it like you’re the victim? Because you were hurt? That the pain on your back is coming back because of my cutting habit? Why […]

1/2/2016 13 comments

I don’t know

by whydoiwantto 1/2/2016

written by whydoiwantto

Sometimes I feel dissociated from life. I am consumed yet still apart from sadness or anger or depression, like I’m treading in the middle of the ocean, watching the giant crests and seeing nothing but blue and overwhelming emptiness.

My dad started drinking again after a period of forced sobriety due to drunk hospital visits. I found out by being stopped in the stairs of the apartment building and warned that he was passed out for several hours and had been drinking for several days. He had already been back to the hospital. His liver and pancreas and brain are all fucked up.

It’s like dealing with […]

1/2/2016 1 comment

Avant Guardian.

by Shephard 12/31/2015

written by Shephard

It’s a cold autumn morning, early in May, and we were making our way into a rural township some five klicks from the nearest checkpoint. Just the five of us trekking through a treeline and making haste for a derelict well. One of the guys fixed eyes on a silhouette sat beside a bucket; they were within speaking distance:

“Hello there. Can you hear me?”

The silhouette remained still. We surrounded them from both flanks as I moved forward and approached them. It was a girl no older than nine, wearing a mossy green overcoat and gumboots, with her hands bound together — an ANZAC poppy sat […]

12/31/2015 6 comments

Protected: I’m extremely happy… :-) :-) :-)

by daitya1989 12/31/2015

written by daitya1989

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

12/31/2015 5 comments

Happy New Year!

by Alexther 12/30/2015

written by Alexther

Happy New Year, everyone!

Whether you are going to some rave party where you have a 50/50 chance of overdosing on MDMA, or spending the night on a couch with Jack Daniels watching the T.V. shows, or sitting with your family at a table full of nice, homecooked food, I hope your transition into 2016 will be a pleasurable one!

I can’t say for sure, but I think I’ve gotten better. Sure, there’s the illicit drug use that might’ve played a role in that, but hey, as long as it worked, who cares, right? I’m off the chemical stuff anyway, sticking to the bud for now. Got […]

12/30/2015 13 comments

what have i done?

by death bunny 12/30/2015

written by death bunny

since i fell into the black pit of depression suicide always seemed like an option. well, not anymore. ever since my girlfriend gave birth to our child i feel, morally, that it’s not appropriate for me to kill myself, no matter how low i get.

many times it seems like a mistake, having this child. on one hand, i don’t want him to grow up without a father, on the second hand, i don’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life. i’ve been depressed long enough to know that it won’t go away. it’s who i am.

shit, i can’t even cut myself. maybe […]

12/30/2015 0 comment

10 New Years resolutions

by nicole123 12/30/2015

written by nicole123

I feel like it would be fun to see all of yours too . These are mine.

1. Find something I’m passionate about . I really want to find something to put my time and energy into . Art ? Music ? I have a great ear my friend tells me . And I love going to shows. I think I would like to buy a synthesizer . I’m really into some funky music.

2. Pass my dental assisting radiology and infection control exams . I’m coming close to the date to take them and I’m nervous . After I take these tests I can get […]

12/30/2015 5 comments

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