I really want to kill myself. It seems like the only way I can somehow…escape the depression and anger and loathsome feelings and be happy. I was planning on overdosing but I hear that it’s very painful. Also that if I was not successful, getting your stomach pumped would too be painful. It seems like no one really ACTUALLY cares. Even people (1) I thought was my friend sorta is though he obviously doesn’t care. At least not about me he doesn’t. Death is inevitable so does it really matter when it is going to happen? I wish people wouldn’t make it or blow it […]
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I’ve been putting it off the suicidal thoughts or attempts. I just wake up and live everyday. Hoping, waiting.. For what I know will never come. I relive every possible discussion, decision or thoughts or reasons that I had in my mind that led me to this point. Hope and support that ppl of sp bring. I just live and don’t like it. I try and forget, but I don’t. The memories are trapped inside me of a life with someone that will never happen again. I try and do what support suggests, ask myself if theres any hope. And I know there isnt. Doesnt […]
Despite the fact that I hate Christmas, I was somewhat having a reasonably okay day yesterday. That was until my biological dad decided to harass my mother and I during the afternoon. After not hearing from him in 6 months, he sent awful messages to us about how I’m a disappointment and useless (after understanding how bad my mental state is when he first got back into contact, he decided he couldn’t cope and thought it was best to tell me how he’s better off without someone as ‘insane’ and ‘unstable’ as me). After getting no response from myself and minimal from my mother, he […]
Gotta rely on sleeping pills to take me out of reality. Been in a shitty mood since Christmas Eve and can’t seem to shake it off. Repeating one of my mistakes which is not talking about my feelings and letting my bf think “what the fuck is wrong now” but fuck it Monday I’ll be back in Portland at my house and I’ll get fucked up in my room and sleep everything off and probably bring myself some kind of pain.
so, i’m new here. (duh) i have had mental health issues since as far back as i can remember. (i am 30 years old) i never recieved any treatment for any of it until i was 16. between 16 and 18 i was in and out of the adolescent psych ward. as an adult i’ve been able to talk myself out of being placed inpatient all except for once. i’ve been in multiple programs (partial hospitalization programs, intensive outpatient programs, outpatient groups, –for an eating disorder and others for depression\anxiety– and of course individual therapy) and the groups helped…as long as i was in them. […]
Welp, here’s a Christmas post a bit early, considering the fact I’ll be traveling more than I’d like.
by thelost
written by thelost
Yours truly: Hey! Everybody shut up for a second!
rocketman: No you shut up!
Moi: Who gave him alcohol? Goddammit! Was it you Hazy?
Hazy just gives thelost a sly look that clearly admits her guilt
Hazy: Certainly not me!
Myself: Uh-huh, I’m sure. Either way, I have something to say folks! It’s Christmas soon, and it’s a special time for me, even though I may not necessarily be Christian. Christmas is about seeing those you love and miss, and there’s nobody I’d rather spend it with.
rocketman: (slurring slightly) I love you too man!
Me: Good for you buddy! Now, to seal the Christmas spirit I thought we’d have Hazy perform […]
In the vastness of space, lies a lonely planet just waiting to be explored. A dark blue world where the depths of the sea are limitless and there is no dry land in sight. Swimming eternally alone, breaching the surface to gaze upon the pitch black sky littered with glistening stars in the night. Plunging back into this sea of light only to find indigenous creatures comforting me; I am not so different and not so alone. While I sink further and further into the void below, I am finally free and at peace with myself.
Every week my world gets smaller.
I feel isolated, and am drowning in hopelessness.
A few months ago I reached out for help at school. They sent police to my classroom that forcibly arrested me and dragged me out of the building. From there I was sent to a hospital in the middle of no where, where they never spoke to me but diagnosed me with a mulitide of conditions I dont think I have.
My whole life, being open and vulnerable were big parts of who I am. But since the arrest, I cant talk. I cant reach out to even my friends. All I […]
I don’t understand why I let her in again. It took less than 24 hours for me to fall back under her spell. I have no power in this relationship- I never have. When I left her ten months ago, I slowly started to gain my self-confidence and independence back. But four days ago, I let her back into my life. I am weak again, and I just want her to hold me and run her fingers through my hair. I am so close to my 1000th day of not self-harming, and I have not stopped thinking about cutting […]
I get a bit depressed any time I’m away from the other Buddhists. I mean, it’s exhausting for me mentally and physically to chant for 6 hours on Sundays. That was just today. Its normally 2 hours and even then I feel I’m about to pass out. My disabilities get in the way of everything in life. The worst part is when you’re poor, you can’t get anyone to say you’re disabled, because they don’t want you to get any benefits. A middle class or rich person who went through what I went through would have been handed a wheelchair from day 1. I was […]
High school, a dangerous place for meet mortal teenagers who doesn’t have the looks or requirements to fit in high school. I know the feeling. My story is a little different. It’s not that typical nerdy girl is alone and all of a sudden she gets friends and moves on. No. That only happens in fantasies. I’ll start from the beginning. All through primary school I had friends. Lots of them, in fact. Some how in the 5th grade, I had a best friend at that time who always got mad at me for not doing what she did, obviously for the sake of friendship, […]
It’s literally 5am and here I lie in bed… Just overthinking. Not even music is helping clear it all away. Maybe if I write it down it’ll go away.
What am I even doing anymore? Seriously, what am I doing? I’m seventeen, I start college in the spring, I have to do the dishes before everyone wakes up… Sure that’s some things, but what do I need to do to make my life fulfilling? Is it just an endless cycle or is it really going to change some?
Why do people fall in love? I think I’ve ranted about this before on here, but seriously, why do […]
So I moved back home today. And I’m laying here, crying, because I really don’t want to be here. All I do is hide here. I don’t talk here and I can’t be myself here. And tonight, I went to my old high schools band holiday party and the one person I can talk to was suppose to be there. And I was suppose to see them and they were suppose to tell me it is going to be ok. But he’s not in the state. And no one told me. And I’ve been looking forward to seeing him all week. And I can’t do […]
This time of the year is literally so hard. It is hard for me to concentrate. I hate making excuses for myself but I just try to close up this time of year. Daddy has been gone for three years now and it doesn’t get any easier. I miss him so much. There are so many anniversaries this time of year. Nov. 29th, 2012, the day I had to call the cops on my own mother because she tried to fight me in the street. Nov. 30th, 2012, the day my daddy died in my arms. Dec. 8th, 2012, the day I planned, all by […]
Since we’ve ALL made a lot of terrible mistakes, what advice or “words of wisdom” would you give to yourself if you could go back in time? or advice to someone else so they don’t make the same mistakes you did?
Operator: 111 Emergency, what service do you require?
Me: *pants* Police… I need to report a robbery.
Operator: One moment, I’ll put you through to police area comms.
[Phone clicks, dialtones are heard, a person answers.]
Comms: Police, how can I assist you?
Me: …I’ve been robbed. A robbery.
Comms: Okay sir, are you in any immediate danger?
Me: No, I… I think she’s gone.
Comms: Okay, are you having any trouble maintaining this conversation or any coherence whatsoever?
Me: I have my faculties about me. I’ve been robbed — not lobotomised.
Comms: Of course, sir. Can you please describe the person who robbed you and […]
Let it go there’s nothing left, underneath the masquerade, death.
by Rotted_Flesh
written by Rotted_Flesh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kXx0BilciQ
I tried a thousand times to make you feel it
Like the days when we had first met
But I feel I never moved you
What the fuck how did we forget?And in another life would it be different
Would we do it all again?
And at that would you tell me that you loved me?
All alone why should I pretend?
Gagged and bound
You told me you broke down
And I believed everything
My love for you was logic drowned
Round and round
I came all the way down
To tell you that I’m really here
And I don’t wanna waste my time
Without […]
I’m falling back into all of my old habits. Starving myself, self-harming, isolating myself, and lying about my state of mind. Ha. I want to sink into the floor and die.
So um, I guess I am kinda new here, ok? But eh… I kinda need someone to share this with. It’s been eating me for so long now.
So uhhh first, a bit of background: I am an “artist”. Which means I am a talentless amateur who can’t even draw a stick figure right! But whatever.
Have you heard of that site “deviantart”? It is frankly terrible. I frequent it.
So 2 years ago or so, there was this… it was kinda like an RP group. I was bored so ehh let’s join it. But applications were closed and you had to wait and they had a chatroom […]
Have you ever heard of feral children???
Feral children are those who have been adopted and raised by animals, which means even if they are brought back to societythey will always been impaired people why?
“Feral children lack the basic social skills that are normally learned in the process of enculturation. For example, they may be unable to learn to use a toilet, have trouble learning to walk upright after walking on fours all their life, and display a complete lack of interest in the human activity around them. They often seem mentally impaired and have almost insurmountable trouble learning a human language. The impaired ability to […]