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My heart is beating so fast

by Desheures 1/11/2016

written by Desheures

The thought of my mom finding out about my depression scares me. Why? Why does it scare me so much? I’m not sure.

This post is similar to my last one but I have to let it out anyway. I woke at around 4 PM today. My friends had planned to come pick me up at around 12PM so we would go spend time together before we all return to college. So when my alarm woke me up at 10 AM today, I texted them saying that I was so sick I couldn’t even get out of bed. That was true, I felt so tired.

It’s ironic how […]

1/11/2016 1 comment

This world’s too hard

by disgusting 1/11/2016

written by disgusting

I’m scared shitless. I don’t think I can survive. I’ll end up in prison because I’m just too poor to pay back the government from money I earn and buy insurance on top of it. For fuck’s sake, I’m more often homeless than I am housed because I don’t make enough to get housing on my own. But I got my W2 from my first job and I made just over the poverty line. I thought the poverty line was higher but nope, it’s been lowered. My other job isn’t taxed and I’m afraid I’ll be fucked, owe the government thousands upon thousands that I […]

1/11/2016 7 comments

Inner Conflict

by thehusk 1/11/2016

written by thehusk

I’m a mess of conflicting emotions. Maybe everybody is. But it seems like most people manage to maintain a degree of balance.

I want so many different, irreconcilable things. Many of them are flat out logically incoherent (even if I could time travel.) Some are just wildly improbable. And of those that are possible, my preference swings back and forth on an hourly basis. Any steps I take towards one goal will likely be undone the next day in pursuit of another. I don’t just want to have my cake and eat it too. I want the whole frickin’ cake shop, and all possible cakes yet to […]

1/11/2016 0 comment

Feeling alone..

by kbking6 1/11/2016

written by kbking6

Despite all my efforts to keep myself from over thinking things and trying to live life, I feel really low and alone today. This mood has just come out of no where and it’s dragging me right down.. Suicidal thoughts slowly creeping in the back of my mind again. I have no one to talk to

1/11/2016 4 comments

Only one more week left

by AnotherDullUser 1/11/2016

written by AnotherDullUser

For the past few months now my depression has been getting worse and worse and so has the suicidal thoughts. Enough so that I have attempted it a couple of times but it didn’t work. So I ordered some stuff to my uni flat which will mean it will definitely work. And I go back to my flat next week. I will finally be able to get of this place. I just have to get through this final week without attempting it a stupid way and then I will be able to go to my flat and end everything in peace.

1/11/2016 1 comment

Protected: A memory

by whiskered-fish 1/11/2016

written by whiskered-fish

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

1/11/2016 2 comments

It’s all so heavy

by Desheures 1/10/2016

written by Desheures

Honestly, I did not think I would be on this site this often. It seems like there’s this sense of family here where everyone just wants to support everyone even though, none of us really want to live in the first place.

It’s a very satisfying irony.

Today I woke up at around 3:30 PM. I would have stayed longer in bed if it wasn’t for my mom’s consistent yelling in my head. She thinks I wake up so late because I go to bed so late and, while I do, I should not be sleeping for 12+ hours every night.

Yeah, it’s pretty easy for me to hide my depression since […]

1/10/2016 6 comments

The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night.

by Luke 1/10/2016

written by Luke

Hello there,some of you here,might have forgotten about me I used to be a regular here few months ago,after that there was this botched up suicide attempt after I was undergoing some “therapy” but it didn’t help and I am back here again.Its good see u all again.

1/10/2016 3 comments

All my fault

by evildandelions 1/10/2016

written by evildandelions

If I had left my ex alone and hadn’t tried to forced her to give me an explanation of why she left me, forcing her to see me, then she might still live in the same state. Might go to the same school. She had said she was going to contact me in two months because she missed me so much. We might’ve been friends.

If I hadn’t had wanted to be back with her so desperately, if I hadn’t acted so desperate by fleeing my parent’s house and going back to our old apartment after saying suicidal implications, I’d still have my dog back. All I […]

1/10/2016 1 comment

It’s not them it’s me

by blank-clutter 1/10/2016

written by blank-clutter

Recently I have come to the conclusion that the thing causing my life to be shit is not some kind of exterior force, bad luck or me being the victim of circumstance, it’s me. This conclusion even relates to my shitty experience in my early school days. I’m talking about times that I didn’t fit in and was bullied. Bullies don’t pick at random who to bully, they go for particular types of personalities, all these things originates from within the victim themselves.

btw I’m not justifying bullying, I think it’s a terrible, terrible thing. But in my negatives trains or thought I have arrived at […]

1/10/2016 1 comment

Relapse

by lulereign 1/9/2016

written by lulereign

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here. Things have actually been looking up. I told my parents through my counsellor about my self harming and suicidal thoughts. They were surprised, but I wasn’t chewed out like I expected to be.

Anyway, I’d thought that things would change. But I realise that they really don’t get it. They still don’t get it and I give up. My parents talk about my cutting as though it were a joke, especially
my dad.

My parents seem to have told my brothers about it, and they make fun of my scars. I mean, it’s difficult to stop thinking about it, but […]

1/9/2016 2 comments

She took the dog

by evildandelions 1/8/2016

written by evildandelions

I’m grieving all over again, losing that dog.

She had given her to me originally, when she left me, but then this weekend happened. I went crazy and my dad gave the dog back to her, afraid I wasn’t coming back.

And now she’s keeping her. Says the two dogs have rebonded, even though when she gave her to me, she said they’d both adapt and be happy. And she was happy with me and my parents. She loved running up and down the stairs.

I feel like this is just cruel. She knows how much the dog means to me. She’s said herself that she’s like my […]

1/8/2016 6 comments

Half Confession/ Half Rant/ Half Plea for Help

by lostandconfused17 1/7/2016

written by lostandconfused17

I’m a college junior now….whoopee. I am failing out of school, crazy amount of money in debt, without a job, and have moved back in with my mother.

I’m failing because of my depression. I couldn’t get out of bed for almost a month and there’s no recovery from that. But after that month I was still so lethargic that I didn’t go to classes, because why the fuck should I?

That same attitude led me to getting fired from my last 3 jobs. I hate myself for setting myself for failure, but FUCK IT. I’m already failing everything

The only positive is […]

1/7/2016 5 comments

Things are Always Changing

by mortuarychic 1/7/2016

written by mortuarychic

Things have changed since I last posted. I had my first fender-bender, my boyfriend broke up with me same day, my cat almost dies, and I had to move back in with my parents. So where to begin? It was a normal day and I had to run some errands so I told him I loved him and went on my way. I proceeded to barely hit a parked car. The only damage was my broken headlight. I called him crying and freaking out. I got home where he proceeded to break up with me. Not to mention this was the day before Thanksgiving, I […]

1/7/2016 2 comments

Back again

by Matel 1/6/2016

written by Matel

After about a month or so I’m back to SP with my suicidal thoughts. Is this a surprise? Of course not. Have been reading SP since 2011, 5 years. When will this end? When I accept what happens to me and move on (god forbid), or i do the right thing and end my existence. I hope the latter happens. Soon, clean and unpainful. I know I won’t do it though, I have too many unknowns about ending it.

Back to SP 🙂 I like this place. As I’m writing this I feel a warm feeling as if I’m home. I like you guys too, I […]

1/6/2016 0 comment

Life is…

by bah 1/6/2016

written by bah

Life is depressing

Life is frustrating

Life is a lot of effort

Life is painful

Life is a lot of bills

…and never enough money

Life is one struggle after another after another

Life is full of bad people, greedy people, and people who will stab you in the back

Life is full of racists, bigots and sexists

Life is full of corruption

Life is unjust and unfair

Life is trying so hard and still getting nowhere

Life is cruel to those born in poverty, living in poverty, born with disabilities or those living with disabilities

Life is not a life when you have no energy to do anything

Life is not happy for god knows how many people

1/6/2016 9 comments

What is it like?

by serenityseeker 1/6/2016

written by serenityseeker

What is it like to just live? To just live a life where you don’t feel like everyone is watching you? Where no one gives a shit what you are doing, where you are going, who you are talking to, and how you are doing it? I really can’t remember. I honestly want to live in a cave underground with no windows and no doors and no light so that no one can see me ever. I want to not exist. I want to be alone so that I don’t hurt anyone. I want to never interact with anyone so that I don’t do anything […]

1/6/2016 3 comments

The Horror That Is My Life

by Ylem 1/6/2016

written by Ylem

I’ll be using SP as my dream journal as long as I’m having these horrible nightmares.

I dream about that day. The day he died. I have been dreaming about it mostly every time I go to sleep. This was one reason I refused to sleep for weeks. I didn’t want to sleep because I was afraid of seeing him in my dreams. Afraid of losing him over and over again. In my dreams is where he is alive. I wake up to the reality that he is gone. That’s what hurts more than anything. Each time, he dies. I try to save him somehow, but […]

1/6/2016 8 comments

Just finished a paper on holistic methods for chronic migraines

by nicole123 1/5/2016

written by nicole123

In my English course we had to do a research paper on something . I’m really interested in alternative medicine vs. allopathic medication (what we use here). I found some super cool stuff – it can also help depression.

Aromatherapy – different aromas can alter your mood . I actually tried this and bought different essential oils and smelled them . I could see a change . You can even put the oil on your skin , behind your neck and on your wrists . It some how changes your mood . Super cool

Traditional Chinese medicine(TCM)- needle therapy/massage therapy .
With acupuncture, they think […]

1/5/2016 2 comments

by Sui_RC 1/5/2016

written by Sui_RC

This just hit me.
Our worst method of self harm isnt cutting, or burning,
It is self sabotage.
Atleast thats the way with me.
Worst part , i still have that lingering hope.
And the fact that i am sabotaging myself, while still having that little hope, is tougher.

Suicide is tougher cus i still wanna live.
But my motivation for suicide are ever growing,
1. People hate me , and i hate most of them.
2. The ones i do love, dont love me back
3. My parents only love me cus they are biologically engineered to do so
4. Future is bleak and getting […]

1/5/2016 6 comments

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