Well I’ll start off with when it all started, about 5 years ago. I made the worst desicion of my life and I will still never tell anyone what happened. I got bullyed at school for years every single day. Nobody would give me a break. I regretted what I had done and everyday people treated me bad. I felt worthless. I stopped caring about everything because nobody cared about me. Only one of my cousins did. I started robbing houses, shoplifting etc. I would smoke weed and just get up to michief with my friends. I started getting in heaps of trouble with the […]
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bad
In conversation, I constantly have to guess what emotion I’m supposed to feel, then try to act it out as best I can. I’m very afraid of being discovered in my callousness and indifference. When something bad happens, it’s scary to think that someone might find out how little I feel for others in their misfortune. Joy, of course, is completely absent.
When others are feeling emotion it seems like a curious and alien thing to me now. It’s like watching someone perform a physical feat of strength that I’ll never be able to do. I used to feel emotion in a normal way, but I […]
Everything that can be wrong with a person, is wrong with me. I’m a negative, bitter, asshole, shit-talking, coward piece of shit. I fucking hate myself. I dream of the day I die. I’d kill myself now but I’m the only child, I can’t do that to my parents. I’m a pathetic, lazy ***** that never learned to develop work ethic. I’m useless as fuck. People look at me like I’m an outcast. That awkward weirdo. I have no friends left, I’m lonely as fuck. I want to die so bad.
I made a terrible mistake in life. It’s affected me tremendously over the past 2 years. I am ashamed of my past situation, embarrassed with the present, and fearful of the future.
7 years ago, I accepted a job with the federal government. The organization I worked for has a bad reputation with the public. Everyday you can find examples of governmental malfeasances that happen in the news.
The agency that I worked for was TSA. I am so deeply ashamed of myself for working there, because of the bad reputation with the public. Myself and others who have worked their have been verbally and psychologically abused […]
Sigh. It’s been a year since I first started being depressed…it’s only been 3 weeks after my attempt to commit suicide…no one seems to understand why I’m like this…yes I made a lot of mistakes…yes I screwed up a lot…what hurts most is that everytime I’m depressed or going through a bad episode and start to cut myself people say I do it for attention…and every time I pretend to be okay people hate me I feel like there’s no rreason me to be here if being depressed and pretending to be okay will hurt me so much. Things are never going to be better […]
I’ve been on the same routine now for almost 3 months now. I wake up, have a shower, go to college, and think about nothing else except taking my own life. I barely manage to get out of my own bed. I don’t feel motivated to do anything anymore, and I’m hanging by a thread. Loneliness and misery is all what I have left. I have no friends, no girlfriend, my family doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me. I’m all alone. The only thing that manages to make my face light up is food. The only time I feel happy is when I eat. […]
I really don’t know why I feel the way I do. My friends are trustworthy people, I have a loving family, hobbies that I love, dreams and ambitions…on paper, nothing seems that bad at all. But for quite a few years now, without anything bad happening, and for no particular reason at all, I’ve been experiencing these very intense bouts of sadness. It’s gets so bad that my body literally becomes numb, and I find it difficult to do much of anything except cry. Sometimes, it even catches me when I’m out in public.
To me, it made sense that I should try to talk to […]
I don’t know anymore. I’m not the person I used to be. I’m someone completely different. Now I just wanna be alone. I get panic attacks. I have really bad social anxiety. It is true what they say, you don’t know what you have until its gone. When I was 9 my mom died and everything just changed. I didn’t even go to her funeral. Slowly this emptiness started growing inside of me. I became kinda lonely and just really sad. There are times when I can’t handle it anymore and just get so sad that I just start thinking about suicide. Honestly, I believe […]
Nothing is safe in this world least of all the internet but hre I am anyway b/c I’m so tired of doing this. I wake up exhausted every day and in hell. I have a meds appt. today and as usual will have to take two buses and deal with the shit-tastic city and the triggers. I am running out of steam. It’s hard to do anything with this level of ptsd and my T doesn’t want to know about how bad I feel. My apt. is so cold due to being built above the ground that it made me physically ill this winter, I […]
Im having a really bad day today you see when I was 15 I was in a very abusive relationship he was fisicaly mentally an verbally abusive i moved in with him two months after dating he looked me in a room for what it seem to be for ever and would only give me wate r and bread a couple months after that I got pregnant I loved my baby very much I was 4 months pregnant when I lost my little angel my ex kicked me in the stomach soo hard he killed my baby… God I hate him so much about A […]
Havent slept in days havent showered in days. Feeling completely inhuman. No water on the property for over a week, and once again I’m withdrawing so I cant sleep. On top of it all I’m hungry as fuck with no money cause I spent it all on drugs and got jacked 100 bux. I ate a fucking dog biscuit yesterday, and it didnt even taste bad. Wtf? Just need to make it three more days till payday. Damn. I know I can do it, but……..damn.
For a while now I fight with myself and his voice. The voice that says I love you in one breathe and “whats the survival rate of melanoma” the next. Your such a great mom to our daughters but I’m gonna go ahead and keep them from you because I’m an a hole and I can. For years I have felt the only way to get away truly from this man is to die. The thought doesn’t even phase me because I know how real my feelings are and the truth it holds. Either live a living hell every day with this man telling […]
I’ve been through it. The teasing, the yelling, the isolation, the masks, the chronic depression, the eating disorder, the self harm,the diagnosis, the therapy, the suicide attempts. I’ve been through it all and I made it to a point where I was happy with myself, with my surroundings. But there are always the bad days that confuse me. Where I can’t figure out if it’s just a bad day or if its a relapse. Recently I’ve been hounded with stress from school, from family, from friends, from myself. I feel so overwhelmed and I feel myself breaking all over again. I want the stress to […]
I don’t necessarily know why I’m here. I guess I’ll just say that I keep thinking about killing myself. My stress is through the roof. Everything in my life is crashing down. I feel like I am making everyone miserable despite the fact that I am trying my best to be my best for them. The only reason I couldn’t ever kill myself is because of my mother and my brother. It would hurt them tons. I don’t know how much longer that will be enough or if I’m just some weak human being who can’t handle things that aren’t to her favor. I just […]
We ate duck and
I’m never planning
‘Cause I gotta’ go
Build my home, for my brother
And for my other
There is a sound that I hear
Ultimatum you are so near
The one that guides
The other one, chopping around
Is the garlic going bad
Never again, Cyclone
For me
Purple-one air, Nin-Jitsu
The duck place was bomb, though
i’m curse like a bad luck come to every good people that i meet or that i love
that mean im nothing just a bad thing still alive
Ever since I was little I lived my life in fear that something bad was going to happen to me, and I wish I had never been my life.
When I was 8 my parents got divorced. I remember the family meeting my mom and dad had with my little brother and I. My mom decided one day that this life wasn’t good enough for her anymore, so she picked me and my brother up, gave us a tooth brush and shipped us off to our aunts house. Ever since then my aunts house is the place I’ve always gone. She’s given me some sort of […]
Hello all. Thank you for listening to me. I just need to get it all out.
I consider myself a lucky man. I’m 20 years old, attending college, with good job prospects ahead of me. I have amazing friends and the best mother and sister a guy could ask for. I like to think that I am a handsome, funny, bright dude-without sounding arrogant or supercilious I believe I have a lot going for me.
I am not particularly unhappy. I just do not want to live anymore. I don’t see the point, quite frankly.
I go to school. Why? To get a good job. Why? To make […]
Today was so fucking bad it made me realize a lot that I’ve been pushing down and what’s been happening for years is not okay. I feel the only way out is to leave everything and just escape from life
is it bad that since my best friend has been ‘stripped’ of the ability to talk to me by her parents and changed schools by her parents because of her boyfriend….which has caused me to stop telling people things and just pushing them away even though i know they care and are really trying to help?
I feel like they shouldn’t be dragged into this….into my sorrow and sadness since, year 11 its important they don’t need the stress its stressing enough.
Days are so lonely now without my best friend to talk to and it sometimes just feels good to ignore people and be alone but […]