Life – 567,983,122……. Me – 0…. That’s how many times I’ve been kicked in the balls, it’s a rough estimate of course but I don’t think I’m off by much, just something else taken from me. Not another child or grandchild this time, another business, apparently I’m broke more than I figured and business partner and friend has been selling off equipment, and the rest is on it’s way. We never even got to get things up and running. $150,000. Worth of equipment has been sold for close to fuckin nothing, and all […]
Losing yet another good acquaintance…
Let’s call him Roger. I just got an email from him saying goodbye. He’s moving to Seaside, OR
I didn’t know. WE didn’t know (one of the groups I volunteer at) he’d been planning ‘his trip’ since last year.
Roger is a two-time cancer survivor.
Always the fighter, he went to own the business he started working at years ago.
His youngest ‘child’ will be heading for college this summer.
Roger’s wife’s already waiting for him having passed a few years ago after a tragic accident.
Roger has a thriving business, family and has his entire affairs in order.
He also has ALS. An aggressive case of it.
It’s […]
Today, surprisingly, I wasn’t as hyperactive for a few hours. I still wasn’t anywhere near the ‘normal calm’, but I wasn’t talking constantly and I didn’t rush around everywhere as much.
Although, it’s gotten bad again as time has got on. It’s now 2AM, and I’m somewhat “calmer” again – but I can feel the hyperness coming back.
My mum found out I’ve done no work for college over the holiday – which ultimately means I’ll fail this year and be kicked off the course – and she yelled at me non-stop for a good half hour.
I’ve tried to tell her I’ve had more important things to […]
Last night, I had the most difficult attempt at sleeping.
I had booked a Motel to saying weeks prior with the intention of forcing myself to be social and go to an event at a bar. But as time grew closer, I was contemplating suicide.
Thursday 4/14/16
I was afraid that the room I had booked would be my last night. I thought of buying a rope but was afraid of being judged, so I decided not to buy it. I checked in and bought an egg sandwich and alcohol. I took a xanax and began to drink. I walked to the bar and the place was deserted. […]
I was once a young, ambitious man. I loved smoking weed and one day I got some from California. It was really good and I sold a lot of it. Within 6 months, I was making about $2-3000 a week. I sold for about 5 years. I never had a job, just a full time dealer. Last year I spent 22k on plane tickets alone.
I would always use cash and avoid using my bank card and account, but I still managed to have 150k go through my bank account in the past 5 years. Plane tickets, for example, have to be bought on a card […]
Edit:
I like this video it makes me feel less sub conscious about my looks. The girl makes me a bunch of good points now onto the post
I said in a previous post that i would kill myself in 18 (now 17 1/2 months) then i realized its more like 11 1/2. You see if im in the home strech at the same point I’m at I’m going to do it. Don’t get me wrong im moving forward still working out i have an interview tomorrow in the new city im moving to (about an hour and a half away this makes the 3rd major […]
Greetings and Salutations!
First order of business… Fuck me. I’m still walking in damn circles. Blah blah, whoa is me.
Next, I got a letter from the publishing company wanting a new original poem by May. All I been writing is dark material. Now I can’t write at all.
Derp Derpinson here.
And again, fuck me.
Lost my job. Got bills. Leg ulcer that is killing me. No family. No friends. Plus, I get the “bonus” of living in America which means that without money I will eventually become one of the walking dead on the streets. Love to live in this isolating, uncaring, self absorbed society. Opportunities abound!! As long as you have the money to pay for them!!
America only works for the managers and bosses who pay employees as little as they can to maximize their own profit. Heaven forbid they should want to share the wealth they made on the backs of the employees that actually made their […]
A few weeks back I was arrested for fraud and as I type this letter the Police are investigating me.
My life has collapse – I have lost my marriage, I will lose my house, no job and my dearest two boys particularly my youngest (14) does not want to know me but my oldest is autistic so he cannot comprehend the situation.
Our marriage has always been stressful – looking after our autistic son, my health problems and wife’s depression. Our youngest was always was protected – giving him a carefree life with a great education. With that protection he is now in a Royal Ballet […]
I have a decision to kill myself in the head but at the same time I have people who are trying to help me. They want to add psychoanalyst to my psychologist and psychiatrist. Also I am supposed to have a support person who would meet me I don’t know once a week. I feel like its too much. Too many people putting their nose into my business. And it feels like so much effort for nothing.
I don’t see anything changing my mind. Of course I can’t tell them my real thougths. Or maybe I should. I am hospitalized already… Ah I’ve been […]
Trying to fight depression and fatigue. I’ve been taking ephedrine and caffeine to lose weight. It is helping but a side effect is fucked up sleep. I work in a few hours at a job i can’t do and will be fired from soon. I haven’t put in other applications or done anything with my business (web design I’ve only got 2 clients in the past year) or potential businesses i want to start (game/app design, and t-shirt company). Im just moping on my […]
First off I am sorry Monster for you.
So yeah, lately I did became more calm and a degree under happy, rather satisfied. I have everything I need here, no work, no other people.
Speaking of people, I really feel like being asocial, I don’t wanna see anyone, don’t wanna talk and it is just fine to be honest, I have everything at home to be entertained so yeah.
Second, I guess this varies from guy to guy but I had like a maturation phase in some days, I rarely think about having a girlfriend now, even disliking the idea of having one. Which is keeping my head […]
Going to eat some lovely sushi with an old friend of over a decade, who I also work with. Life seems like it could have some possibly good out comes. The loneliness is diminishing, I am growing closer to my friends, and I feel like my life might turn around.
Spent the past 8 years as a hermit, but every year around this time, I have to get involved with all of my old friends. Is it my last moment grasp to hang on to the world that is slowly slipping from my fingers, or am I just in that “mood”. Feel like when I […]
I’ve spent a year and a half helping my gf through her depression/anxiety/cutting/suicide thoughts, and I am supposed to start my master’s classes in March but somehow, my parents went from paying $50-60k a year to f-ing $150k!!! Like I get adding another person to the food bill makes it go up but adding my gf to food bill with my brother living off of his school loans, should not cost that fucking much. Like i’m glad i didn’t go to Hawaii or New York. I stayed and worked, but the company was nothing but sales and didn’t know consulting from their own assholes . […]
No I’m not your son and I’m not a total car guru and whatever works for your bipolar episodes doesnt always work for me and you pick on me all the fucking time and I already know, ok, I ALREADY FUCKING KNOW I’M THE WORLD’S GREATEST PIECE OF SHIT FOR A DAUGHTER SO PLEASE, PLEASE JUST KEEP RUBBING IT IN. I know I forget and I am not always home and I’m SO SO SO SORRY!! I don’t know how to be the child you want, ok?I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW. And I just try to get away […]
A couple of months ago I was so sure that I wanted life to end.
I’m not trying to discredit anyone who feels that way right now, your feelings are 100% valid. But for me, it got better, and in a forum of people on the verge of giving up, I’d like to share what happened to me when I didn’t give up, while its still fresh.
My husband of two years has been cheating on me since we were engaged, though I didn’t find this out until a month after the wedding. I begged, pleaded, cut, cried, drank, none of it helped. It’s as though faithfulness […]
I just wanted to say that if you’re someone who’s going through a really tough time right now…..don’t give up on life. Really… just don’t. Stay alive……..Also stop getting so caught up with the media. Stop staring at the screen so much. And give your ears a break with those ear buds and those big bulky headphones. There’s someone out there making a profit off your inner sadness with those things. Don’t get me wrong ….music is awesome but for those of you who use it as a crutch to get through your day need to stop doing that. Stop using that crutch and start […]
ok everyone needs to back up and calm down here for a second. Wndozh8er must have removed his last post because others here are accusing him of seeking attention and playing the victim. He was hurt and so was I over something personal just between us, but we working out the differences and it’s no ones business but ours. Just please don’t hate on him or change your opinions of him because he speaks what’s on his mind. He is not and never has been a drama starter or attention whore. Please stop treating him as such and posting stuff about it. He’s a huge support […]
I spent ten years building a business and all my close friends fell away. I don’t think my girlfriend has any passion for me. I dont think my business partner has any passion for the business. I’m not the best at what i do and i feel like everyone is watching me fail.
The only thing that’s keeping me alive is that my parents are too. They shouldn’t have to plan a funeral. Sigh. Maybe the universe will take me naturally.
Alright, here’s the deal. I need an address from somebody who lives in the states — preferably california so I can tell the border cops I got a destination. I’m going to tell them I’m going to spend a few months time with you at your place to kick back. All pleasure no business this time. (lie). All business AND pleasure. So! Who wants to help me make it big in the city of angels? I’m going to L.A with a dream in my heart. Driving down in my shitty Cavalier with outdated stickers and an exhaust system that’s seen better days but who gives […]
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