Have you ever loved two people at once? What even is love? Am i just depressed? is that why whoever makes me smile at the moment is who i want? Ive been with my girlfriend for a year and a half, and i don’t know if i feel the way i used to waking up in the morning. We still have fun the way we used to. We still laugh, we still have amazing sex. But then sometimes i wonder if she is just amazing sex that i was infatuated with. Can i build a life with her. Can i marry her? I am a […]
I always wanted to die laughing.. like the ending of of mice and men. Best case scenario for anyone.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to die. I remember being so happy that I should kill myself cause things couldn’t get any better… I’m a pretty happy guy in general, I find positives in negatives, I make people laugh it’s one of my favourite things to do is make people happy.
I don’t know where all the pain comes from. But the pain the sadness is all secondary to the fact of how pointless I feel life is. It’s like everything else I just want […]
i relapsed again today, to be fair i haven’t been doing good at all lately but id gone a few days with ought doing it and i was hoping i would have enough will to keep it going for a bit. especially because i need to let myself heal, me and my family are going on vacation in a few days and that always increases the risk that they’ll see my scars. and that means another type of relapse that i care not to […]
I feel like I don’t deserve everything that is given to me but I came to enjoy them. People’s kindness. I don’t quite understand it. I don’t want to accept it because I feel guilty. I know that I don’t deserve anything. I know I’m disgusting. I don’t know what I’m capable of. There are a lot of unanswered ‘what-ifs’ and ‘ors’ I don’t know my own emotions. If I’m crying for them or for my sake. Am I truly happy or did I just encountered an amusing thing that will eventually leave. Am I unmotivated or am I just lazy. Am I depressed or […]
So, I’ve always thought that I was straight, and female, and Christian. I’ve been lately questioning these things. When I told my mum about it, she got really angry. She started yelling, and she got out the hand smacking ruler even though I’m a teenager. She’s a Jehovah’s Witness kind of person, so a dumb move on my part, I know.
I’ve always thought I liked guys, and I never questioned that. It was an empty feeling though, but I followed it through, believing it to be true. After a while, I sort of got confused. All my friends (I go to an all-girls school) had […]
So last week I went over to my soon to be ex-wife’s apartment to get my belongings. First time I talked to her in over a year. After trash talking me for the last year, to my surprise she was sweet as could be. And then to top things off, when I went over to pick up my son for a visit on Sunday, she came up to the car to give me a book (about God) she bought me.
She said she forgives me and only wants the best for me. She said she’s sorry things didn’t work out (which I thought was strange phrasing […]
This world has overcome me on a whole new level. This emptiness I feel just won’t leave.. It’s useless I really don’t know why I try. I should just lay here and slowly waste away. People ask if you could sit down for hours or days and think about where your life will be in 5 years or 10 years or maybe even just 2 months from now I’ll never have an answer. I can not see myself anywhere new unless it leads to death.. It’s the only way I feel I’ll find some sort of peace. The only way I’ll ever feel like I’ve […]
He told me that he loved me more than anything, and left me.
He told me I was his best friend, but he didn’t want to see me.
He cried for the first time in years and said that all he wanted was to go home with me and watch a movie, and then he dropped me at my sister’s house.
That was three days ago. The story has changed since then; he just needs to be alone. I can give him space. I can be alone, too, I’ve done it before. But I can’t stand not being able to hold his hand, lean on his shoulder, hear him […]
I’m so done with life. With everything included.
Why do I have to be the one with this kind of fucked up rebellious personality?
It’s getting to be too much to handle.
I honestly don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to go on like this.
After 3 months of not cutting, I relapsed.
Fucking relapsed.
I cut. Again.
Fuck it makes me so fucking pissed off that I let myself drop that low.
Again.
After 3 months.
I should just finish the job, and let my life go. -.-
I’m just so fucking confused. Where do I fit in life. I’m a 15 year old girl. I have no more friends my grades are horrible and I have developed bad socail anxiety. I feel like I can’t be myself around people. I’m just trapped in what people expect me to be. I’m so tired of being a dissapointment just because I want to be me. Now I just turn into a different person around people to please them and I’m tierd of it. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and after highschool my grades aren’t good enough to go […]
I think I have what I call fat girl syndrome. I used to weigh in at 260lbs almost all my teenage life. I was well liked and respected because I was so big (not to mention small town life) it never bothered me to be fat. One day when I was 19 I decided i’d give the skinnier life a try… I quit eating, (which I found myself falling asleep behind the wheel) so I ate more. I walked, didn’t eat past 5pm (keep in mind I lived at home and was not pressured to get a job.) In one years time I lost over […]
I’m so happy.
I’m so lost.
I’m confused.
Everything is a swirling black hole.
And no matter which way I go,
It ends in some sort of disaster.
Days turn to weeks,
Weeks turn to months,
Months turn to years.
I try to turn around,
Or run forward,
But I run into black holes that I can’t fall into.
And I can’t feel.
I don’t feel anything but,
Unhappiness.
Pain.
That’s the sad but brutal truth.
Sometimes I believe,
There’s happiness in an eternal life.
Okay so this has been bugging me for a while now…. Â I don’t really have people to talk to about it so I guess this is my best place to get it out.
When I was in elementary school I was exactly the same as I am now, passive aggressive though it was probably worse back then. Â I didn’t talk to anyone and I was super shy. Â Around third grade I ended up befriending this girl, lets call her L. Â So L ended up becoming my best friend. Â But around the end of fifth grade she started ignoring me. Â She ignored me for the rest […]
She won’t talk to me at school anymore. She won’t even look at me. When we managed to arrange a meetup on omegle, she disconnected for no apparent reason. When my closest friend, the only other person besides her who knows about my depression & suicide attempts, confronted her about it, she says she just doesn’t know what to do anymore. She has replacements for me, i’m not actually special. She supposedly cares, but then why won’t she talk? It hurts. I’m cutting more and more often now…on my hips, where nobody can see it, even at swim practice.
I don’t know what’s triggering my depression, but I want to know. It’s driving me fucking nuts and I want an answer. I’m suffering from bipolar disorder and that can cause it, but WHAT THE HELL GAVE ME THE BIPOLAR DISORDER?! At this point, I don’t know. I’m about two seconds away from having a major anxiety attack mainly because I had a dream about me being happy. I woke up and I wanted to cry. I need help. Like, really. My depression is getting out of control and I want to end my life, but deep down in a dark and secretive side of me, […]
Do you know what I mean?
That feeling when you wake up and the first thing you want to do is go back to the world you were in the whole night. A world where you can be anything, achieve everything. Where nothing is weird and you can be truly happy?
I do.
Since I was fourteen.
If I could make one wish, I would wish I could live inside my dreams.
I have been thinking about suicide a lot… But you know…
I just can’t.
Maybe you expect me to say that I can’t because I don’t want to hurt my family. But that’s not it.
If I die, I can’t dream […]
Every night I lie down in bed and resolve that tonight I am not gonna sleep until i sort it all and find a way out. but within 15 minutes i fall asleep, and wake up next morning only to find that nothing is sorted and i will have to live another day in confusion and restlessness. I don’t know why I can’t accept the fact that there is no answer and all these are just excuses.
P.S. – I know there are people here who can’t get easy sleep. but as it is said – one doesn’t know the value of thing until its gone. […]
I know its a lie. why do i live it? at every moment of serenity i feel like now i have seen it and now i am gonna maintain it. but only end up in this same wretched state. I am full of confusion. I don’t believe in anything anymore. why? because i am aware of its opposite too…i am aware that opposite also exists and with same conviction. and since both exists, i believe in none. This life as i am living now, i never considered it my true state, my true nature. I always feel like i am living it “just out of […]
Ok,
So my name is Destiny and i just wanted to talk about giving up.
I’ve went through a lot of things, and i’ve moved past them, learning how to work on myself. I live by the motto:
“EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON”.
It has nothing to do with religion, but with just that everything in my opinion happens for a reason. Whenever I hit a point where i dont want to live i think about all the negative, everything. i drive my self into deep stages of confusion trying to figure it all out on myself. Why do things happen the way they do?, Why have I grown […]
At the risk of identifying myself to anyone who knows me..
I had a woman come up to me a couple weeks ago and casually,comfortably,awkwardly tell me that she had followed me off a city bus a couple years ago in a snowstorm after exchanging smiles. To clarify, she was beautiful in the way that i like. The whole experience was so wholly unexpected…. that I honestly questioned whether or not i had imagined it
Kind of sobering.. I found it easier to believe that i had suddenly become delusional enough to imagine this.. than it actually happening.
So she asked me if i remembered her… If i […]
Newer Posts