If Something created life I just wanna ask why …. for us to live with our struggles with no way out is so cruel but when the day comes for me to take my own life I will do it with a smile for I made my own way out and the things that had me stuck to this reailty I wont care about that anymore I wont take part In this existence anymore!!!!
Tag:
cruel
So once again, sleep is both my seducer and my tormentor. Tempting me with the taste of an eternal requiem for a lullaby but sapping my strength to fall into that eternal requiem, as well. What a cruel mistress she is.
Heh, it’s gotten to the point I even realize that the words, “Happy Mother’s Day” from my mouth might as well be “I hate you and go die!” My mother even saw this hidden tab while I was signing my great-grandmother’s card… I really am an awful person…
Last night my husband and I fought again over something trivial since I can’t remember what it was. He had to go work with his parents today since I’m not providing anymore. He said I’m forcing him and I should feel bad for him. He’s doing landscaping and I know it’s a hard job and I do feel bed for him. But back to last night, I took my pups out and stayed downstairs for a while. When I came up he got pissed at me saying “you know I can’t sleep alone and I have an important day tomorrow but I guess I should […]
I don’t think I could do it in someone else’s house. Is that too cruel? To change the way they see it forever? Not like they would be the ones to find me, but still. Though it’s the perfect opportunity.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hey everyone, so this is something that has caused me a lot of stress and fear lately. I’m terrified to go to the doctor because I have horrible scars on my arm and hips. Doctors look you over and if for any reason I’d need to roll up my sleeve or they’d see my hips, they’d see my scars. Do you think they’d send me to a mental hospital if the saw them? I’ve been refusing to go to the doctor and it’s very difficult for me to tell a doctor about my depression as I once had a doctor who I went to get […]
“You’ll promise me you wont kill yourself, right? You promise me? Not anytime soon, right?”
*Laughter*
It was the awkward kind of laughter; the funny one for the wrong reasons. The laughter of embarrassment, but all you can manage to muster out is a laugh. And smile. Not the cruel kind of laughter; where you’re teasing the person- getting them concerned.
That’s what I said to the psychologist today.
Or, whatever she was. Of course I promised her.
I have to give her credit, she figured out the date all by herself. She’s pretty smart.
Here’s my advice to you: If the psychologist’s trynna get some answers out of you that […]
This is attributed to Elizabeth I –
I grieve and dare not show my discontent;
I love, but am forced to hate;
I do, yet dare not say I ever meant;
I seem stark mute, yet inwardly do prate.
I am and not, I freeze yet am burned;
Since from myself my other self I turned.
My care is like my shadow in the sun;
Follows me flying, flees when I pursue it;
Stands and lies by me, does what I have done.
His too familiar care does make me rue it.
No means to rid him from my breast,
Till by the end of things […]
I wish things could have turned out different. That’s been something I’ve been saying a lot. It’s just that…recently I’ve been pretty emotionally numb. I feel as though I don’t have a heart. Not in a ‘vain teenager hate the whole world’ kinda way, I just can’t seem to empathize the way everyone else seems to. I feel unintentionally cruel. To make matters worse, my nightmares started coming back.
I don’t know if I want to make another attempt yet, or keep waiting.
I used to have many friends, all who would talk to me and lift me up through the deep/hard parts of life. But they keep walking away from me, as if I am not worth their time anymore. I do not blame them because I would walk away from me too if I could. I just wish I had more people in my life who actually cared about me and not themselves or their own person interests. For once, I want someone who will ask me how I am doing and keep talking to me even when I am down.
But the world is a cruel […]
Not being interested in life, ain’t that cruel irony for ya…
Normal people will never understand.
To them, life is sacred and in their narrow eyes, “throwing it away” is sacrilege.
Being with someone that doesn’t understand, will never understand…
That’s our follies, for ya.
To the rest of the world, we are nothing more than parasites,
draining the blood of the economy and relationships.
Stuck on their high horses, anyone that doesn’t want to play Monopoly with them
is better off dead.
To my reflection across the world, this life doesn’t make sense,
don’t you think so too?
In your eyes, is being with a fellow outcast that scary, that unknown for ya?
Unless you still […]
I saw someone I know today that I hadn’t seen for a few years and they are and have been going through a much worse time than me.
They asked me how I had been and I lied and said ok because I felt guilty for feeling bad when their pain is so much greater than mine.
So now I feel sad for them, sad for my pathetic self that cannot handle things and angry that life is so cruel to so many people.
Does anyone remember that old song that says “I dont want to start and blasphemous rumors but I think that God has a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing.” Sometimes I think he was on to something.
In the past year life has been such a damn roller coaster. In Jan of last year my father had a stroke (alone in his home) and I had to put him in hospice and he died 2 weeks later. I went to his home and found where he had dragged himself around the house covered in feces […]
No social skills, no interest in making friends, no motivation for work or school. No one can love someone who can’t show love to begin with. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Everything in these 18 years of life have been useless just like me. Why am I here? I didn’t want to be born. I want to stop existing, I want a heart attack or stroke to kill me.
Nothing good comes out of me except bitterness, self-loathing, and hate for this cruel world that has tried to help me but I rejected around every corner. And now I’m unfixable.
I’m breaking. I’ve reached breaking point.
If I don’t talk to anyone about this, I will lose this battle. But I’m scared. I’m so scared to talk to anyone in my family. As much as they understand what I’m going through since they are going through the same thing, I doubt they do. (Not sure if that makes sense.) They will just tell me to tough it out like they always do.
Well… I’m so tired of being tough. I’m tired of having to pretend I am strong. I am so weak right now, I can hardly put up a fake smile. I can barely get […]
It’s been a very long time since I’ve found myself in such a dark place. My husband of 6 years has betrayed me. When I became aware of this, we talked. As broken as I was, I tried to be level-headed as well as sympathetic to what he was going through that would lead him to do what he did.
The next two days, though difficult beyond words, he did exactly what I needed from him; we communicated, at length. He took responsibility for his actions, and we continued to talk. But then, he suddenly changed his tune. He became cruel. Threatening to hide even […]
Do you know what is more cruel than hatred?
False hope.
It’s better to know that things didn’t work out than not knowing it’s another joke thrown to you by life.
Sharing time: There’s this classmate of mine who’s disliked by the majority of my class. And instead of confronting him, they mock him masked with approval. And not the good type. It’s the it’s-obvious-you-can-see-it-in-their-faces.
And I just thought. Isn’t it cruel?
Socializing is hard.
Hi, I’m new here. I suppose I’ll start with a brief reflection of my life. I apologize if my sentences are extremely scattered. Currently, I’m 24 and a bi-curious/bisexual male. However, being a closeted bi is the least of my problems… My problems started long before everything hit the fan. I was born a little over 1-pound and close to the end of the 2nd trimester. I had brain trauma from the birth itself which caused the doctors to never think I’ll walk or talk. Almost a quarter of a century later, I definitely defied their expectations. Yet in the eyes’ of “normal” society, I […]
theres always pain, sometimes it goes away but only for an hour or so. it hurts too much to be alive. I hate that I have to wait a week or two before I end it. my friends birthday is coming up and it would just be cruel to ruin it, so here I am wasting away.
It’s like a horrible nightmare I can never seem to wake up from. It haunts me, and just when I think its gone, it comes creeping back. I run, and run, but it always catches me. No distance or time is long enough. It’s become a part of me. A cluster fuck of emotions I can’t even being to sort through. It’s almost cruel the way my mind works. It keeps me up at all hours and taunts me till I’m banging my head against the walls, or better yet, till I have that scissors, knife, or razor blade pressed sharply against my skin. I […]
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