Today I nearly hit the end, luckily I found this site so I can at least possibly get somethings off my chest. My depression started about 7 or 8 so years ago when I was in middle school. I never was really to social but I made enough friends to get me by middle and high school. Though I only did so out of the wishes for everyone around me. Really I don’t know why I am who I am. I’ve been writing this great story with tons of different characters all more interesting than I’ll ever be. They’re in a fantasy world with so […]
Well its finally come down to it I’m either going to end it all in the most lethal and consequently probably most painful method possible today or I’m going to go the hospital and go back to the psych ward to try to get some help tomorrow. Honestly I’d rather end it because I doubt getting help will really work but getting myself to use a means like that is really difficult
I made a decision as the clock turned midnight on new years if this year doesn’t pick up I don’t see a point in playing
this game anylonger, I might even quit sooner, Im 17 and my life is hell. I thought my life was going to pick up and finally go my way. I got a job interview, I applied for some TAFE courses and I was three weeks ahead on rent. Then christmas came around, I was kicked out and my rent returned (thankfully) I spent christmas packing, they gave me a week to leave (which Im pretty sure is against the law but whatever). I […]
The decision to keep going for the hope of a better life even though I have been hopeless for multiple years and staying for the only 2 people that have ever cared about me in my life (my parents) or to be selfish and just enter peace where I end the years of suffering every single second of my life where I am not sleeping. I am tired of crying and just want peace. Decisions, decisions. A decision that will mean life or death.
So, things just took a turn for the worst. My mother is moving us out of my grandmas house and back into her ex’s house. Which means I can’t live the next however many months I decide to live in comfort. I can’t just keep praying to God to kill me, I have to take action. And she is going to put me back in public school. I don’t have the strength to endure myself and the people of public school and my family AND my mom’s boyfriend and his family. So, my current choices are: run away and live in misery a little longer […]
I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 14, and I suppose the reason I didn’t was because of my dog, and my grandparents. I now live with my grandparents, have been for over 3 years now, and I honestly feel stuck. Like I’m not getting anywhere in my life. I feel like I’m honestly a failure, because I don’t really very hard in college, and every relationship I’ve been really serious about has failed.. I understand things are hard when it’s long distance but all I’m asking is for someone to try.. Not give up when the first bump comes along.. and when it […]
I don’t know if I’m depressed, or just going through some seriously effed up hormonal phase that all teenagers go through. To be honest, I have nothing to complain about. My parents fight, sure, but it’s not like bottles are being thrown around the house. Except I remember one night my dad punched down his bedroom door. But my dad usually isn’t like that. That was a first. He’s no drunk either , and he loves me. I’m pretty sure about that. My mom and I don’t like each other. She has a maternal love for me, and that’s about it. I understand that. I love her […]
To me, the end of the world has been a very real thing for most of my life. I am almost surprised at everyday I wake up and the world itself hasn’t fallen into a black hole, or been blown up by humans, or taken over by aliens.
It’s gonna happen eventually…when and how is the real question!
I’ve been waiting for so long, everyday just wanting to see the end for myself. I want my normal work day to be shaken by world wide news of fire falling from the sky. I’m just waiting to feel the ground quake for the final time, for the […]
We are all created to make our own decisions whether to allow or not ourselves to experience loneliness, anger and despair.
I have always easily pondered on my pain (physical and emotional). I am human so I will always regress but I also know the truth- that I am important, you are important. Even though I do not know any of you who visit these boards, I love you and want you to know that your life, your existence is very important. I have struggled with losing family, people I knew in nursing homes and through documentaries of those in Hospice. You may not know or […]
Anosmia. A temporary or permanent inability to perceive odors.
For example: When you enter a restaurant you can smell all the food. But half way your meal you are no longer aware of all the smells.
This phenomenon is called neutral adaptation. So if this can happen with smells and odors. It seems very likely also to be possible with the input we, humans, receive every day from the way other people act and make decisions, social media and news reports. We keep hearing and seeing the same things over and over… and over again. We become numb. So might this be one of the reasons people like […]
In 3rd grade, I was told by my doctor that I had anxieties. I was going home from school everyday sick to my stomach due to my constant worrying. My father hadn’t contacted me in awhile and it was the first thing that had me worried so bad at a young age. I was making myself really sick and I’d have panic attacks. As I got older, I struggled with more teenage problems. My anxieties were at an ultimate high. I’m sixteen years old and can barely drive a car because I get worried about everything I’m doing and I have a panic attack and […]
Reasons to commit suicide
I don’t love myself or self hatred
I have low self esteem
I lost all my friends
irreversibly damaged reputation and social standing with family
future is bleak
No ambition or motivation to set goals
So much regret for pass choices and decisions
inability to forgive myself and move on
credit score is in the trash
hard to get and keep a job and contribute financially to household
burden on family members
I hate living day to day repeating the same shit (eat,shit,sleep,wake-up,repeat)
I hate being weak
I am fearful of what my future will most likely become (homeless,broke,ostracized,lonely etc)
Pain of remembering the past and unable to return
I hate knowing I am a failure in life
To get […]
I was scared .. I am scared. Everyone needs saving, even I do. I need it but I don’t want it. I don’t want the cliched lecture that things will get better or the sympathetic conversation that reveals your place in our relationship that you’re there for me. Â I don’t want empty words to stall my decisions or help me to even consider changing my mind. I think about it all the time. I have set myself to learn to be content with death. I think of where my soul might go .. drifting through the darkness and blackness of empty space that seems to […]
We all know why I’m here, so let’s get straight to the point.
I’m not totally unhappy with my life, but… I honestly feel hollow and depressed, and I lack a purpose for existence. I know that should I end my life my family would be devastated, but don’t I deserve to be happier as well? I’m convinced that killing myself will bring me peace, yet I don’t want to be so rash in my decisions. Can anyone give me some advice?
I am not sure if this is a universal day that everyone celebrates/knows about, so I’ll just explain what today is. Today is Father’s Day and this day, along with Mother’s Day, is one of the hardest days of the year. What Father’s Day is, is a day focused on fathers around the world (I think it is around the world, if not I believe it is in North America at least) and their children and families treat these fathers with extra respect and love. Some people give gifts, or cards or just have a dinner with family. But for my family, we go all […]
I’m in my early 20s now and I’ve survived a tough teenage, including several suicidal attemps. I’ve always been an “alternative” girl, listening to non commercial music, not wearing fashionable cloths, not going to the disco, not smoking/bingedrinking/fucking with everyone around. This fact made my life more complicated and allowed a lot of people to talk shit about me and bully me. I’ve tried several times to convince myself that my being unique should be a reason good enough to live, but it didn’t last too long. My family is a normal one, but my parents don’t support me, don’t like what I do and […]
Sometimes I wake up, lay in bed and just think I want to die then spend the next couple of hours thinking about how to do so. Sometimes I wake up and feel a little hope. And sometimes I wake up and I can’t help but think of last nights nightmare. My dreams are so uncomfortable and horribly vivid. They’re so vivid that I think about my dreams through out the whole day because they’re so uncomfortably real that I feel like it happened… Anyways throughout the whole day I’m just an emotional roller coaster I’m fine, I’m sad, I’m crazy, I’m hopeful (this is […]
I’ve been depressed for about 6 years. Â I’ve been thinking pretty much these thoughts throughout the entirety of that time period- the thoughts becoming more complex and clear or unclear as time passed. Â I’m 18 now. Â It has been especially bad this year getting ready for college. Â The thoughts of moving out and beginning the rest of my life are eating away at me. Â I never really thought I would get this far but I did. Â The fact that I’ve only been here 18 years is killing me. Â I’ve only been here 18 years. Â How can I possibly put up with 70 more years […]
“This fairy tale might be based on memories of the Great Famine of 1315 – 1322, which caused millions of deaths by starvation in Northern Europe. Catastrophic weather patterns produced greatly diminished yields in crops. The resulting calamity hit all echelons of society and many incidents of child abandonment and cannibalism have been documented by the chroniclers of the times.
Into this grim landscape come the innocent children, who are fully attuned to the gravity of their situation. Stripped of the protection and security offered by a properly functioning family, the children must make […]
While one day falls into another, I only hope that this is a dream.
I’m too old for these feelings. I’m in university, doing an incredibly difficult course which I spent my whole schooling trying to get into. I chose this. I am crippled by social anxiety, so I chose to live alone. I am simultaneously envious of people who can be themselves, surrounded by friends. I chose to be like this, every decision pushing me further inside my head. I am painfully crammed inside my own skull.
Surely I’ll wake up, a happy, normal, real version of myself. Surely I’ll be able to think beyond myself.
I […]
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