In my world, I have to constantly remind myself what’s real and what isn’t, what’s a hallucination and what’s real, and what are rational thoughts and what aren’t. I’ll see a person as an entirely different things. For example, I know that person doesn’t actually look like a dragon, but I see them that way. Or I see a bunch of bees clouding the room, they aren’t actually there, it’s just sleep deprivation. But they seem so real, and no, it’s not “The voices in me head telling me that”. I’ve heard that saying far too often. I’m schizotypal, not schizophrenic. It drives me insane […]
Tag:
Different Things
I went to my old high school today. It was awful. I arrived and I couldn’t find anyone for a while so I just decided to randomly walk around the building for a while. I got made fun of for wearing my sunglasses indoors by some random dude (really? REALLY???) who apparently thought I was ‘trying to be cool’ (in reality I was just really fucking stoned… how sheltered are these people?)… I eventually ran into an old teacher of mine who found one of my old friends and I went to sit with her and two other visitors (apparently, she’s really popular??). I was […]
I’ve been battling on and off depression and anxiety for three years, but my parents don’t understand, no matter how much I talk to them. I can never get along with them. They fight with each other frequently over different things. Just today my parents were yelling at each other over my brother, who has autism. He couldn’t understand a simple topic, which caused my mother and him to get in a fight and leave her in tears. Then my father came and yelled and her. Then they yelled at each other. Then they both left. This happens a lot, and my mother talks about […]
Yesterday I went for a walk, somehow I felt a little better. I saw some horses and watched them for awhile. Walked in the rain, but it felt good, at least it made me feel. But last night I looked on the internet and there is so much – so much of the opposite of what I’ve always thought was beautiful. Gentleness, tenderness, sweetness, paintings that move you deep inside, someone that would help a neighbor, little children being allowed to be innocent, dreams, words that carry weight, words that mean something. I start to think I wish something had happened to me awhile ago, […]
I’m a girl, a teen, and I’ve been considering suicide for the last 5 months. I live with my mother, only child, never met my father. I wouldn’t say we’re poor, but we don’t have things like typical families have, car, house, etc. We live in a apartment with 1 bedroom and living room, kitchen and bathroom. I have about 7 different things I can wear. I don’t own anything special.
Ever since I was 6 years old I’ve been very smart, and I’ve been praised for it. My mother got together with a man when I was 5, so we moved somewhere so that we […]
Well, I don’t like to say the word “suicide” because it has always had negative connotations in my life. My family is comprised of a bunch of cold-hearted, sarcastic Argonauts with strong wills and drive, so we see suicide as pathetic. And the twist: I’ve felt suicidal since day one. The inner conflict of the way I was raised and the way I feel is certainly nothing short of overwhelming. I’ve always wanted different things from the people around me and consequentially I’ve felt stifled, suppressed, and unwelcome in my environment for years. I have very few friends, and the ones I do have I […]
So, I’ve gone through a lot lately, I was enrolled to college out of high school, as are most people these days.
I was promised a job, a house, a roof over my head, and all the things that go a long with moving from one parent to another.
As soon as I made the journey from my Grandparents to my fathers, I knew something wasn’t right though.
The job my father had promised me, it never existed.
Even after not dropping a dime to child support for the last 18 years of my life, he still complained when there was another person under his roof.
The second I couldn’t […]
Suicide is the only answer for me, don’t bother telling me otherwise, I’ve tried and failed before but I haven’t changed my mind. I’ve been unhappy and apathetic for as long as I can remember regardless of how hard I’ve tried to push myself or the different things I’ve tried. I just want the pain to go away, it’s really unbearable at times. I think about bad times in my life, about God, about all the bad people in the world, how bad the world is, how worthless I am, and often enough I picture myself dying in gruesome ways. I end up crying, shaking, […]
I had not felt like this in so long. i haven’t been eating or sleeping i try to make myself happy but its not working. I cant find a job. I feel like I have lost all my friends. I fell in love with my best friend but she doesn’t know it. Currently we are in an argument and she decided to stop talking to me. Consequently she’s been spending more time with her friend who likes her. She said I hurt her with our argument and is not sure if she wants to see me again. I feel like everyone I’ve ever fallen in […]
Life loses it’s worth to live, sometimes.
There are days where you wake up and the first thing that comes to mind is “Shit, God woke me up again!”
It’ll get better, they say.
It’ll get easier they claim.
Who the heck are they kidding?
They don’t understand.
They have yet to feel what it’s like to be in my shoes.
What’s the point of reaching out?
All they’re gonna do is judge me.
They’re gonna pretend to care,
And then they’ll leave just like the rest.
Does any of this seem familiar to you?
You know it’s true. You think it too.
I can’t promise you that […]
iv had a lot of thing happen to me in my life but the one thing that iv learned is that the people and things that are closest to you are the things that can hurt you
the most.
just recently i left my dad (im 16 by the way), my parents are divorced and every since iv felt like an empty shell, not because they are divorced but because they
are such different people.
all i want is to be normal, to get good exam results and go to a good college and get a good job, but i cant, i cant because i […]
I’ve been compared to my sisters, my family and my friends the entire time. I’m good at different things, but everyone seems to forget about them. I’m a failure to everyone around me. I try to “feel good about my stuff” but that is complete crap when you feel like the entire world has been against you your entire life. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.
How do you heal from a broken heart?
Most people would say time but it has been 22 years and the pain is still raw.
Knowing what you have to do and doing it is 2 very different things.
I know I’m the only one who can allow myself to heal but don’t seem to know how to do it.
I know looking at the past I miss out on the now and the future.
I know remembering what I haven’t got or miss instead of looking at what I do have robs me of happiness.
Yet I seem unable to let go of my […]
My best friend. Gone. Then my courage allows it back. We were non influenced teens. He fell in with a different Crowd and started liking different things. This wasn’t so bad but we drifted more and more over time. I got the balls to come out and say what was up. Then I’m told that his newer friend introduced him to a girl, he lost his v card, she fucked around with his head and he slipped into depression. With which his friend got him to smoke weed… Though you wouldn’t think it from the outside, knowing him for so long I wouldn’t believe these […]
the Queer
Sitting in school, watching. She is so perfect, as if you have finally seen someone you can really relate to. Trying to imagine getting up the courage to walk over and talk to her. Trying to find the guts to ask her out, the dance maybe….
And then it all crashes down.
Your brief fantasy of ever having a “normal” love life.
Sure, you crush on her from afar, but you are a girl too.
And that means being different, a freak, a sinner, a loner.
No matter where you go, your gayness will follow you, keeping you separate from everyone else. You feel […]
Interesting video. Thanks for being honest and clear in this one. I understand what your saying when you say you have lost your power.
I think you believe power tis what ever you held dear, It was the reason you went to work, the reason you brush your teeth, the reason you lived for.
Now what every that power was has been either taken away or you lost it some how. Either way you believe it is gone. And the only person who can tell you what to believe is power is you. We all hold different things in our hearts. It because of that i dont […]
Hello my dear friends.
Today I am not here to rant about my feelings or my life that has fallen apart. I’m here to speak to you, hoping that this post will be a source of light in your time of struggle.
I call you my dear friends, because although I have probably never met any of you before, I believe that is what we are. We didn’t choose it, but each of us has been connected by a common cause. In some ways, many of you probably understand me much better than any of my closest friends. Depression isn’t something that can be easily explained; I […]
People tell me it’s al my fault.
Everything.
That depression can easily be controlled and easily healed.
They don’t know the half of it.
People leave the mentally sick and tell us to become independent, but the physically sick get a hug and they’re told that everything will be all right.
Why isn’t someone on my side?
I go to doctors appointment, talk to therapists, meet with advisors, get my medications and pay for it all. All by myself.
And I’m not even 19 years old yet.
Why isn’t there someone telling me that I’m doing something right?
I don’t do everything wrong, do I?
I’m still human.
Just like them. I’m not any different. Just […]
This only applies to my own perception and not to anyone else’s. Do not want to be accused of trying to play the should game.
Seems everything is built around taking suffering and moving on. And those who choose not to are referred to as weak. I disagree. Sometimes people just get tired of the pain and the pleasure that does come is not enough.
No positive thinking or positive action will save one from all malevolence, and as ridiculous as that may sound to many people, I’d prefer a life free from any trouble.
Most trouble has no point and the ones that teach lessons are only […]
 I have a house and a family, enough money to live on, a nice school, quite a few friends. Why then am I still not happy? Am I selfish? Or greedy? Or arragont enough to think I am better than other people?
I do not think I am selfish, I may be wrong, or greedy or arragont. I do not think I am better than any one else. On the whole I think I am much worse. I do not deserve the many good things I have, a family and such amazing friends as the ones I have.
Since I was aged 8 and lost my Gran to […]