Tag:

end

terrified of the idea of sobriety

by whydoiwantto 5/9/2016

written by whydoiwantto

It’s almost midnight and I’m actively trying to recruit my friend to pick me up to drive me to a bar to drink with me… even though I have work tomorrow. So I’m writing this high on some weed I smoked with a complete stranger who I met at this group addiction meeting. I feel like a fuck up and a failure as my therapist runs the meeting and she let me go for free and I fucked things up.

The meeting really made me question my use of drugs but also made me so scared to be sober. I hate myself when I use drugs […]

5/9/2016 6 comments

I am done

by Dungeon 5/9/2016

written by Dungeon

I am sick of this garbage.

I am sick of myself.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE EXPECT OUT OF ME.

Killing myself is too fucking easy.

I swear sometimes I feel like there has to be some old fuck in the sky getting off to this shit, because it’s getting too ridiculous for coincidences.

FUCK, I should have gotten that cancer not my Dad, it isn’t fair. Why does he have to suffer, why does one of the only reasonable person I actually care about in my family gets cancer.

I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO FUCKING DIE FOR YEARS. What if he dies, do you think I’m going to kill myself […]

5/9/2016 10 comments

hating monday pt 2…

by Soco 5/9/2016

written by Soco

Well I still hate this monday. From the moment I awoke I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
The feeling of constant pressure on my chest has lifted somewhat but the feeling of tightness in my throat is still there. Much like choking. Only cried once more before days end. this day reminded me of a song by fear factory called dog day sunrise. ( not the movie.. dog day afternoon). Not sure why, just kept thinking it over and over.
I worry that its sick that it makes me feel better when I realise other people here feel like […]

5/9/2016 2 comments

What am I doing

by Dungeon 5/4/2016

written by Dungeon

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I need to do something.

What can I even do, I didn’t expect the consequences of my past to catch up so quickly.

The logical decision (through my perspective) would be to end my self by end of the year, but that isn’t possible due to my ridiculously high preserved morality.

OK so now that’s off the table, what the fuck am I supposed to do. GED then college?? OK where are the funds coming from? GED + Job then? I’m a fucking recluse how am I going to hold a job, history has shown I can not.

Try a new therapist? The last one I tried […]

5/4/2016 5 comments

Just like ants

by Beast 5/3/2016

written by Beast

I am so tired of my life and myself, my thoughts makes my throat hurt and the pain shivers down to my chest. Its so tempting to just ram a knife up my throat. If I ever get my own apartment I woulnd’t be surprised if I actually did something like that, I want to cut my guts out, bleed out and destroy myself. As many others on this place my urge grows bigger towards my birthday, I don’t know why that is.. but I suppose to me it feels natural to go out on the same date that you came in.. I also had […]

5/3/2016 2 comments

I’ve been thinking about all of the things I’ve lost and this sums it up !!!

by noneedforaname 4/30/2016

written by noneedforaname

If I could I surely would, ease all of your pain.
But if I could no longer, would you still know my name.

And if I couldn’t drain the tears that pour from these eyes, would you turn your back on me ?
Or would you say goodbye.

If I couldn’t be the shoulder which your head would rest upon.
Would you still be waiting, or would you be gone ?

If I couldn’t keep the smile, forever on your face.
Would I still be around ? Or would I be replaced ?

You have me way beyond empty inside, awaiting my last day to […]

4/30/2016 7 comments

I can’t find the remote.

by noneedforaname 4/28/2016

written by noneedforaname

The Wendy Williams show is on. I can’t find the damn remote, I can’t change the channel on the frickin cable box without the damn remote. And I swear on all that is Holy that if I hear these women yell whoop-whoop one more time I just might end it. ( it gonna take a talk show to drive me over the edge ? ) screw it. I’ll be in the garage if anybody needs me.

4/28/2016 40 comments

Time will tell

by Drowning 4/27/2016

written by Drowning

Iv been doing really well haven’t self harmed in about a month or more but if thing don’t work out tomorrow I think that will come to an end we will see

4/27/2016 4 comments

What is a distortion like me called?

by quaero 4/27/2016

written by quaero

Just what exactly does what life want out of me? Why don’t I get out of suffering even when I can? I meditated today after a long time. It was so peaceful and fulfilling. But I, purely consciously and deliberately, right in the middle, crashed it all up, torn it all up. I just couldn’t handle the peace! What the hell is wrong with me? What do I want? Is all this suffering not enough? I must be either mad or the most fucked up crooked donkey of a person on earth. (You know the property of a donkey? He gets fat in winter and starved in spring. That’s because in spring […]

4/27/2016 1 comment

something from another time. ..

by Soco 4/26/2016

written by Soco

The places that I never see
Are places where I long to be,
A new location ‘neath my feet
Makes all anew and life so sweet,
Perhaps my search will never end,
Perhaps its like the rainbows end.
These places that I never see,
Are places where I long to be.

4/26/2016 7 comments

It’s impossible to live the rest of my life with the way I am

by nicole123 4/25/2016

written by nicole123

Anxiety , bipolar disorder , and depression. I feel like I have been falling some what back into my old ways again. I’m falling apart . And all I can think about about is suicide again lately . I find it bringing a peaceful end to my life .

4/25/2016 5 comments

The slightest hope

by aspie 4/23/2016

written by aspie

Yesterday I went to my adult end center and my teacher says if I get a good score on the GED and SAT I could probably go to a university in the fall

As sick as it may sounds I may have to dich my whole family (siblings, cousins, parents) They never really cared anyhow.

My childhood dream is becoming a reality.

4/23/2016 3 comments

Why go on?

by justbecause 4/22/2016

written by justbecause

I was contemplating suicide, it still exists in the back of my head. A lot of days I have to fight with myself to keep me from cutting myself. The cutting would silence the voices in my head. Sometimes I think I was doing the cutting as practice for cutting my wrists. Every night I wish it to be my last night breathing. I pray to God every night that he will make it my last. Now on Sundays when I go up for communion I ask God to end this life I call living hell. The only good thing about going to work is […]

4/22/2016 4 comments

@Phantom Citizen

by Hazy Day Sunflower 4/22/2016

written by Hazy Day Sunflower

Well that last attempt to upload was so full of crazy it wouldn’t load.

Well try again. Welcome to Club HDS. No cookies or snacks this time, the month doesn’t end in B.

Thank you Phantom. I feel like I got the last bit of crazy out tonight.

4/22/2016 30 comments

Why doesn’t mental health count?

by Emerald 4/22/2016

written by Emerald

We, as a country, have compassion for those who wish to end their lives due to ongoing physical pain or a terminal illness. Many support euthanasia in these circumstances. Why not with terminal mental health issues? Ongoing psychological pain?

4/22/2016 9 comments

Update HDS: Love Yourself.

by Hazy Day Sunflower 4/21/2016

written by Hazy Day Sunflower

Wow. Just wow.

Sorry for the drama the last week. I’m out the other end. Not sure why. But like everything else in my life I am just going to walk forward.

Thank you everyone for your hands. So many hands and hearts.

HDS

4/21/2016 18 comments

Suicide not

by Endmypain 4/21/2016

written by Endmypain

Im in angry state right now with all little things in my life that has happend. In first place I angry for me for not solving my social anxiety. In second place im a feel myself as failutre for not accomplishing much in life an in failing in many times in different areas of life. I angry at people because i think they take advantage of me or are not reliable. I SEE A LOT OF POSTS HERE WITH THESE COMPLAINTS. But at the same time i feel its all my fault for not going for it.Being a lazy ass and not trying. […]

4/21/2016 1 comment

Why am I here?

by kupo95 4/21/2016

written by kupo95

Why am I with people I hate .

Why Am i in a town with no prosperity?

Why am I killing my self for the selfish people?

Staying with a husband….no a llittle boy who is just as selfish.

I am alone

Why did I do this? Why am i here?

Why? can’t I stop crying

Im so sad, so miserable.

I wake up crying ,I go to sleep crying ..

I want to go home there is nothing for me here or go anywhere with these people …I think I should end every thing

4/21/2016 7 comments

Life on the Border

by dillon 4/19/2016

written by dillon

Hello guys. I don’t know where to start. This is my first post here.

I have borderline personality disorder and find it nearly impossible to have meaningful and healthy relationships. I feel so alone all the time and have no one I can talk to about it. When I try I get the stereotypical “try to be less negative.” This loneliness leads to hatred. Hatred of happy people. Hatred of laughing kids. Hatred of those with good jobs and loving girlfriends. Hatred of the world; and even more hatred for those who can’t see how fucked up it is. This hatred drove away my girlfriend, it […]

4/19/2016 15 comments

Fuck

by Emptyface 4/14/2016

written by Emptyface

Fuckn shit, I run out of video games and booze and I’m just like whellp, I geuss it’s time to end my life because fuck this shit, but then I’m always like, oh yeah, you can’t, and I have a fun time feeling empty. Feelsbadman.jpg

I just want toget out of here.

4/14/2016 1 comment

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