I’m skipping college today, but I can’t bring myself to care. Everything is too much today, and I’m just starting to give up with it all. There were no appointments with my doctor again today. So today is obviously going to be fun. Death sounds so inviting, and I’m not sure how much longer I can avoid the inevitable.
Hello…
It seems I find myself at yet again another rock bottom. You know just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse it actually does, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.
I just dropped out of college because lets just say depression kind of took over. It seems my childhood events have finally caught up to me. From my step-dad who I thought was my real dad leaving me and my mom on his birthday when I was 7 to my older brother being sentenced to 15 years in prison for committing murder, things just have never been easy for me. I just lost […]
I promised on killing myself on April 6th.
But now I realize I have no time.
I need to get everything organized. But I don’t wanna change the date.
ARGHHHHH.
Lord. lord lord lord.
You know what I hate? Today I am in a good mood. You know that scares me.
Because now I just think, “Wow….What if on April 6th I am in a good mood?”
I don’t have the rope ready!
Dear god its so close I don’t have time!!!!
I DON’T WANNA CHANGE THE DATE SOMEONE HELP.
It was roughly about this time last year that that darkness swooped in and took over.
It’s happened before, but in time would usually pass, this time, it’s remained.
Every day is a struggle, I’ve tried so many things to shake it..
Girls, drinking, exercise, working, everything just a temporary distraction, just clicking off the seconds, trying to make it through another day.
Finding this site has helped, a place to vent, to read other peoples experiences and feel a certain kinship, to know am not alone, dealing with a life that once promised so much potential, now, just a daily chore to remain,hoping for […]
I am tired, ive struggled for many years now, through chronic pain and major depression. I became distant from my partner and now i have lost her, we have been separated for the last year, and while i love her with all my heart i know we can never be together again,
my regret will be leaving my little girls, but i know watching there Daddy slowly decline will be worse for them, i only have one wish, and that is to hope they will know that daddy will love them forever, and i will always be with them, i only have a week or two […]
Just when my head started to get quieter for the first time today (the voices have been constant), my stepdad came home with his friend after drinking for a couple hours. When they got here, my mum left to go out. Two hours ago my aunt and uncle and their kids came round. So now the house is full of four screaming kids and drunk adults. My anxiety is horrible, the voices are horrible, the figures are horrible. I’ve been crying upstairs for the last hour. I need to get away from everyone. They all keep opening the front door. They’re going to let the […]
You are wrong, fucked, and overrated!
I think I’m gonna be sick and it’s your fault!
This is the end of everything.
You are the end of everything.
I haven’t slept since I woke up and found my whole life was a lie, ************!
This is the end of everything.
You are the end of everything!
AAAHHH…
Shallow skin, I can paint with pain.
I mark the trails on my arms with your disdain.
Everyday it’s the same – I LOVE, YOU HATE.
But I guess I don’t care any more.
AAAHHH…
Fix my problems with the blade.
While my eyes turn from blue to gray.
God, the […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
so I’ve been thinking, what I said before is true but, I couldn’t end my life for the sake of my mother. I know she hurts and I couldn’t put her through anymore. I want to tell her everything. I want to talk to her and help her. I made a promise to myself last night that I will always be here for her. no matter how much pain I have to go through. I have enough as it is but for my mother I would do anything. she’s the strongest person I’ve seen in my life and my hero. I’ll absolutely do anything for […]
My hearts pounding.
I want to call it quits for tonight, and go to bed.
Its only 10 PM. This’ll be the first time going to bed at 10 PM (before midnight) after months, and years and …
Too long.
I am not moving.
I am not caring.
I am sad and helpless and I need something
i’m holding onto my head stressing about going to bed so early. I haven’t done this before. What if I get horrible sleep paralysis tonight? This is a horrible decision. I’m going to be so f;ing–
Help. Someone help. Its wrong it feels wrong.
I gotta say some of this is my OCD crap. Its as if […]
things aren’t too bad. at least I think. im not sure about a lot of things anymore. its hard to believe or trust anyone anymore. a lot of people have left me and it hurts to watch everyone I love leave me and blame everything on me. I say sorry way too much and it annoys people but I cant help it. I always feel like everything is my fault and like I’ve done something wrong. I haven’t cut in I dont know how long but I still think of it every day. suicide is always on my mind and I cant stop it. I […]
I was with someone 7 months ago. We had been together for 6 yrs. She has 2 children from a previous marriage. Our relationship was just a big fantasy I now see.
I come from a poor family and what little help my parents imparted to me just wasn’t enough to get me somewhere. I have no skills or anything and my future is bleak.
My ex on the other hand has had everything handed to her in life. She has had money and opportunities. All through our relationship she was living her dream. I see that I was just some kind of visitor in her life. […]
My story starts from the age of 4 where I was physically abused by one my caregivers right until they left. The age of 5 I was sent to a horrible school bullied from day 1 not only was I bullied from the students I was bullied by some of the teachers. Being name called, pushed, punched, objects thrown at me wasn’t exactly a fun time. I ended up only going to that school for a year. I was transferred to another school with a horrible principal, some horrible teachers, kids with a lot of problems/issue (some of those kids taking out their problems on […]
This will probably turn into a rant or something, oh well.
I’m terrified of everything. The voices won’t leave me alone. They want me to do things, and I know I’m going to end up doing them. They want me to jump from a bridge, or a building, now. They say bad things will happen if I don’t. I don’t want to hear them anymore. They scare me.
I still haven’t saw my doctor, there weren’t any appointments last week. I don’t know when I next see my therapist, and I see my psychiatrist on the 12th (the Angels haven’t been saying she’s much of a threat […]
If you don’t hear from me tomorrow I’m sorry. At least my profile will still be here. At least there is something left behind of me. Something someone can look back on. At least I know I will be missed by everyone here. At least I know you guys care. But it’s not enough right now. If I’m heard from by tomorrow night, I made it through tonight. I imagine them waking up in the morning to find my corpse hanging in the bedroom. I imagine what they would do or say. I hope I can watch them cry. I hope I can see their […]
I feel like I’ve tried everything and while sitting here at lowest actually LOOKING UP WAYS TO KILL MYSELF, I stumble upon this site.
And it’s like a whole new world opens up to me. For the past week and ever since 2007, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts and the possibility of being severely depressed (I won’t self-diagnose myself but that’s the only way I can describe the way I feel). I’ve always been afraid to try and seek professional help mainly because I never thought I could pay for it. Now in my early 20’s, I have a full-time job and I’m STILL scared to […]
So I’ve been absent from this site for awhile. I’ve been busy clearing out my shit and NO WAY IN HELL would I have imagined what a heap of junk I’ve accumulated; I actually wish I had a huge pit of fire to throw it all into lol..I know this is something I have to do or I’ll feel like I’ve left a mess behind and I believe that would fuk me over if there is an afterlife..I’m just covering all my angles here. ITS STRESSFUL as for some reason I still have attachments to some of the junk but at the same time I’m […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I just broke the heart of the sweetest girl in the world. I tried my best to love her, to give her everything she deserved. I couldn’t do it. Maybe outwardly I did, but inside it just wasn’t there. I loved her, I just wasn’t in love with her. I don’t know why. Smart, beautiful, kind, funny; she has it all.
I didn’t think it would feel so empty after I did something that I wanted. But watching her break in front of me was right up there with the most difficult and painful things I have ever done. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me, for […]
It was horrible, beyond any measure I could have anticipated.. I guess I should have known, but clearly didn’t. I was treated less than human, my basic rights suddenly stripped, walking around in hospital-issued scrubs in a daze, trapped, awaiting doctor’s orders for release.
3 days locked in the confinement of the behavioral wing of the hospital, constantly supervised, your every movement documented, got to go outside once, for some 15 minutes. It was so horrible, all I could think was “get me out of here”, and now that I am out, hardly do I feel any better, but surely for the worse.
Everything feels […]