I feel useless, I can’t make a difference in my life… everything about my life is painful there is nothing positive to me anymore. As much as I preach to myself all the good things I can do and become…I can’t wait that long. I’m tired of waiting for something good or to be fixed. The only thing stopping me is how ? how do I end it all and rest permanently without a thousands things in my head, walking around with a fake smile but in my head it’s all sadness and loneliness…. I can’t take anything anymore and I’m tired of hearing it’ll […]
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Fake Smile
How do I continue in my meaningless existence when I feel as if I’m on my own? I’m sure all of you who read this knows exactly how I feel, though I doubt anyone will read this so I’m just wasting my time as usual. Sigh. I am going to start using this as a vent, because I have no one to talk to that actually knows my pain, and those that pretend to or pretend to care are just inane and useless to me now. I am utterly alone, I go through the day with a fake smile plastered on my ugly face and a degrading […]
Everyday of my life is to please everyone else. But for every fake smile i put on my face to fool the stupid people i see, the more i die inside. I cant take it anymore. Being the “nice guy” never helped me with anything. I always have girls tell me “You’re way to nice”, and i ask “Is there something wrong with that?”, and they always say “Nah, i just wish i had a guy like you”. Well why dont they ever want me? They always say they want a nice guy, but then they go after the big douche bag that treats her […]
i dont feel like i belong anywhere in this society. im struggling with my art and life… i practically dont even have a love life… when im with my friends i feel left out like a lost my connections with them like im in a different world… i already know im not apart of my family… im what you would call the black sheep in the heard… my dad despises me because im nothing like him…. just today we got into a fight because i said i was not commuting all the way to wounderland andi told him.. well more like reminded him im alergic […]
Hey, guys. I’ve decided to try and become happy..so I have this poem thing for school. What do you think? Should I give this to my teacher? Let me know ASAP please?
Out in the distance,
I don’t know what lies.
A beautiful scene,
Or a dark surprise.
The part which I know,
Is that I can grow,
Out of these thoughts,
Which now I am caught.
I feel the same inside,
As I did before I felt the need to hide.
I hid behind a fake smile,
Which no-one knew all the while.
Now I am ready to get past the past,
Because I have the courage at […]
I remember a time where i could cut and then go on about my day with a fake smile as if everything was all fine and dandy. Cutting use to hold me together. It used to keep me sane. But now no matter what i do, or how much blood is shed i just cant seem to even pretend to be happy.I feel like i will never experience true happiness.
I’m almost ready. ready for the pain to end, even if it takes more pain. I wrote a suicide letter a goodbye.I have problems if I killed myself i would be doing the world a favor one less messed up person for people to look at and wonder what I’m like. Who I am. Everyone judges people. And in this world that’s all I am to most people. I was  abused. It changes a person getting slapped for not eating. Getting kicked for crying. Getting my head slammed into a  wall because I couldn’t stop crying. It was like that every day . I have problems. They are clear to […]
I fail at keeping friends because I seem to push them away and then I get lonely.
I fail at love. I always get lead on and then they disappear like nothing ever happen. And now I’m falling in love with him.
I fail at protecting myself from bullies and just things that I let people to do me.
I fail in my schooling. My grades are always low because I can’t focus while I’m feeling this way..and it doesn’t help that my parents tell me “what happened? Now you are so stupid ”
I fail at keeping my own promises. I promised myself I […]
I was reading on here a couple of weeks ago, and I saw something that someone said and it really stuck with me. They said “I’m not a person who wants to be alive. Im just a person who’s too afraid to die.” That pretty much sums me up. I don’t get a kick out of living. I don’t go to bed at night thinking of all the wonderful things I get to do tomorrow and aren’t I just so darn lucky that I get to just be alive?! No. I go to bed hoping I won’t wake up. But I always do. I would […]
A few years ago, i was in a dark place. I started to self harm when i was in 5th grade. I stopped in 6th. Im in 10th grade now. I promised myself i would never do it again because it just left scars. But now everything is falling apart. I cry every night. I look at my wrists and tell myself no. I cut my wrist today. I felt somewhat better. i have alot to say but i cant say it all at once so i will come back to this site to share my whole story. This is the first i have ever […]
Most days I wake up with a fake smile plastered on my face. It’s like my own little lie to the whole world because I’m afraid they would know my thoughts. I guess it started when I was little because my dad got really sick he was the only one who understood me. He died in 2010. My mom is the type of person who literally runs from problems with out realizing how much that effects me. She’s never one to tell me that she loves me instead she tells me what others say about me. Around my friends I paste a smile on my […]
My parents say I want to call attention. That the way I dress demands attention. That I embarrassed them. I don’t try to. I just can’t be myself. I see myself In the mirror and all I see is a fat lard. I hate my skin tone, my eyes, my hair, my body! I hate it all! So I try to make it better! I try to hide my fat body under layers of clothes. I hide my face under make up! I hide my ugly untamed frizzy shit colored hair under dye. I change how I look! And only when I change it I […]
I’ve been counting down the minutes at my high school. I can’t take much more of the classes I’m in. I have hubby bars to combat my depression, but will it help my lack of motivation? Will it help me deal with my deep love for my cousin? Will it protect me from throwing my life away, because life is pointless?
In my FOA2 class, which is Focus on Algebra 2, I was talking with my classmates about the glass is half full and half empty and took the pessimistic viewpoint. It’s significant because that’s my personal viewpoint and I clearly stated it, you have […]
I walked outside today and realized it was warm enough to not need a jacket. As the sun shone down on me I fought back tears, the change of season would mark the one year anniversary of my downfall. It would remind me of how long it has been and how deep I have gotten myself into this. I never knew it would go on for a year, I thought everything would be fine by now. One year ago if you were to have looked me in the eye and explained how I would starve myself, then force myself to vomit every single day, multiple […]
Each day I feel more insecure and ashamed of myself. I see my scars. I hate my scars, but I continue to cut. I regret it the next day and I get angry at myself.. and what do I do to release the anger, I cut. It’s like an on going cycle. I used to swim and play sports, but now I avoid public places.. and continue to hide who I really am. There is so much behind my fake smile.
I’m terrible at expressing my feelings in person.. I just choke up.. I feel like I will be judged or rejected. I want […]
I can’t take my life anymore,I feel like I can’t talk to anyone.When I’m with my ‘friends’ no one can see behind my fake smile and laugh they never think twice about me I’m just the one in the back that nobody cares about.When I’m with my sister she blackmails me and screams at me,my mom yells at me too and is always fighting with my dad,and my dad always ignores me and leaves the house every time he argues with my mom.I can’t decide what’s worse school or home nobody cares in either place and I feel like I’m at the end of my rope because nobody seems […]
i’m staring at this blank page waiting to type something but ii have no idea what but i have so much to tell about..so i guess i’ll just start telling.
I’m a girl 15 and last year i tried to commit suicide by cutting my wrists,I survived . I have scars on my wrists and thigh,i used to had more but they fade away, I did a lot of self-harm cuz that was the only way i could feel some relief.My mother heard me cry almost every night,she saw my scratches  on my arm but didn’t do anything about it.I’ve tried many times to tell them […]
i drag myself from my bed, from the warmth of my room, from the safty of my house. and go to what i call my living hell. i pull up. park my car take a deep breath and put a fake smile on my face. all i think is i dont belong in the day light. i walk through the halls full of liers and perverts, bullies and bitches and think to myself. i cant wait for college.
walking down the hall. my music blasting.. i look up.. and see your eyes.. the eyes that i used to love. and now every time i look into […]
I wake up every morning and think please God not this again. Put on a fake smile, laugh and pretend. Pain on the inside, but no one can see. Like being stranded on an island longing to be free. Don’t know how much longer I can bear this weight. Must think of something before its too late. The only thing keeping me alive is fear. The passing of each day and the falling of each tear. I don’t know how much longer until it will all end. But for now I’ll continue to pretend.
Well, i’ve done it, i have dumped my girlfriend, i wont repost it but you can search for the thread: Feeling weak and pathetic
I decided to give life a 2nd try, life doesnt circle around love yet it hurts alot when you are broken but now it feels like my past is catching up with me again and i am really tierd of being alone..
Im not talking about getting a new girlfriend, i’ve lost a friend due to “love”. I just wanted someone to talk to, someone who i could talk about bunch of things with, someone to speak to when i feel awful and […]