Ok, so I realized that I’ve been doing something weird. I’ll find myself laughing or smiling about something, and then I’ll focus on it and feel bad about laughing or smiling… then I immediately think of stuff that makes me depressed and I shift right back into my depression. It’s like… I refuse to allow myself to feel any kind of happiness.
I don’t know what this is… It’s like I’m punishing myself. I don’t understand what I’m doing to myself.
Does anyone else do this?
hay guys I’m still alive iv been trying to keep busy just in case you was wondering how has everyone been holding on I hope we’ll I’m not sure when the next time il post again but if u want to chat feel free to email me new and oldies on here indigojones5@gmail.com
darktide cordless hazy phantom crowbar procel and a few other names iv been thinking of you guys thanks for the support I appreciate that we have met and help each other though some rough dark nights thanks you everyone who is joined to suicide club
drowning hi5 everyone stay stong il be back like […]
I don’t hate you, I promise. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just don’t know why I keep pushing you away maybe you’re just too nice. It’s been so long since I’ve had real emotions and you brought that out and now I’m scared. My dark thoughts visit me while I’m lying in bed, hoping I don’t wake up the next morning but for a while now it’s thoughts about you that whisper in my ear before I sleep. I know how much I hurt you this past week and you probably hate me. I don’t even blame you. I’m not even sure […]
i don’t know what to write here. i just feel bad. angry, bitter, the works. nothing makes me happy these days. i’ve fallen back on a lot of old, terrible habits. i’ve gained more weight from binge eating. i’m stressed because the weather is getting warmer, but i have new scars littering my arm that prevent me from wearing short sleeves. my brother still hates me. my best friend doesn’t feel like a friend anymore. i majorly fucked up my gpa and my standing in school, which means my chances of transferring to another university, never mind a good one, have become incredibly slim. my […]
I don’t want to die. I want to be happy. I want to be normal. I want to be fulfilled. But I don’t think I can be.
So instead, I’m this poisonous, negative force. Because I can’t be happy, I want everyone else to be unhappy as well. I want to drag them down to my level, so I don’t feel so jealous and inferior.
I think maybe it would be better if I was dead. I don’t think I have it in me to come to terms with how much I’ve fucked up my life. And I can’t see any way to really live a fulfilling […]
Hello. This is my first post. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I’m really tired. My parents were having another conversation behind my back. The usual. I’m kind of a disappointment to them. I flipped a coin today to see weather I would kill myself. Heads I keep going. It landed on heads. I doubt I would’ve done anything if it landed on tails. I stopped having these thoughts for a while. They kind of resurfaced. Its been a few weeks now. My head is throbbing. Made a fake email so I could sign up. If my parents found out it would […]
Never thought id feel so empty id split my flesh, just to feel again, just to distract from the fact that i feel dead inside; so much emptiness can only amount to hell or bliss; my desire for the afterlife, a darkness where i cant feel, wouldnt that be nice? Never thought id feel so numb i couldnt feel the pleasures in life, so dead i couldnt feel my fingertips. And pain was the closest thing, an extescy silver steel could bring. So bloody. So much fluid, expelled from my veins, passed the boarder from insanity, the bloody warmth giving back to me, drawing […]
First of all, I wanted to thank you for the awesome and kind advice I got from you, especially my gratitude goes to Suicidal Angel, because the advice I got from this person truly helped me. Thanks to her I was able to stay clean for 2 months and 2 days! It was a really huge achievement for me, and I couldn’t have done it without her advice I guess, so if you’re reading this (even though I doubt it) a huge thanks to you again! I’m not really able to express my gratitude to you and the other nice pieces of advice from some […]
Hi. I haven’t used this site in a very long time. Long enough to forget my password and to have to create a new account. I came here cause I felt alone. Wanted to die. Shocker I know. But I came across this post. A party post. I can’t recall the user who held it. But it made me feel apart of something. Feel included. More than I had in a long time before. I feel awful for not remembering the user. That user and others impacted me greatly that night. I’ve looked thru the site for that post again but couldn’t find it. Deleted i’m […]
I know it’s not just me that has problems and I’m pretty sure my problems are so small in comparison to what other people have to go through every single day. That’s what makes me feel so guilty every time I cry at night about my life and my wish to just die and leave everything and everybody behind, especially those I love. That exact guilt is what stopped me when I tried to dehydrate myself and yet I still feel guilty, for betraying myself by not actually passively killing myself.
I’m new here. Excuse my bad grammar skills.
also apologies for the extremely long first post.
I’ve been creeping a couple days now not as a member reading some of the posts and although sad, they made me feel home. There’s a couple things i want to get off my chest personally because i feel as though i cant go to anyone. my family is not the lovey dovey type, i didn’t grow up with mandatory family time, my parents and siblings were not involved in my personal life, And i’m not here to complain or whine, i did not grow up neglected but i just never […]
This game called life is not a game I want to beat. 1,2,3 lives you’re out. The only enemie is yourself. The hate I have the struggle i feel. Death is the best option. Fuck the future, fuck the present. Fuck tomorrow I want to die tonight. Always feel like nothing and no one. No love no respect. I am who I am but why? I’ve heard it all my days are up.
1,2,3 it’s game over…
I didnt want to post but im starting to feel like absolute shit. I hate the way the mind works. Do you know why you/we have emotional triggers? Evolutionary psychology. Your (subconscious) mind doesn’t want you to cause yourself danger. As a result it reminds you of a (perceived) danger when you see something that signifies it. In the past you could see an area of your surroundings that meant there were dangerous animals or that you had a previous encounter with one in the area youd scare yourself to know not to continue. Now a days if you see a reminder of your past […]
I’m so tired of everything I fuck shit up all the mine and make people feel bad for me. i wish I hadn’t failed my attempts before. i wish I was dead.
I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, Existential Depression, with Suicidal Ideation. I’m from Detroit, MI. My primary full-time job has been working as an EMT for the past 10 years but I am also a DJ/producer. I’ve worked with, and been around some well known artists and I am moderately well known in the DJ community here in […]
I, Kat, am ultimately helpless.
Ive been trying so hard lately to help others not feel as sad as i do, but i always end up feeling worse regardless. Theres just too much wrong in my life right now, i feel so trapped. Everything keeps going wrong for me lately. Plans, friendships, school. It doesn’t matter it all ends up the same. Horrible.
I feel like I’ve been in another persons body for too long. I cant even tell who i am anymore. I have to get out of this haze soon. It’ll be the end of me.
Looking at you Al, its on triple J at 4:15am and making me feel a hell of a lot happier as i sit out front in the night looking at nothing but sky and sitting in despair…
But now with good tunes on its a chill nite
One day i will die and it will feel amazing.
I’ve seemed to stumble into a place where everyone tells lies to me. Those I love, those I am of service to, those I call family, my society, my government, my country, my species, and even myself. If that is not a hard concept to grasp, or even handle, I don’t know what is. We are all living in a place where it is rewarded to lie, but the moment you are caught, you pay colossal penalties. Not only does it feel like everyone is against everyone, we have decided that, as a whole, “all for one” was the best way to achieve greatness; unknowingly […]