I really like these two songs right now I can relate to them so much in my dark hours
bring me to the horizon – drown
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I’m down?
Save me from myself, don’t let me drown.
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don’t let me drown
linkin park – faint
I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal this damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
I can’t escape these thoughts. Maybe it would be different if they told me from the beginning, “you know, there’s a very good chance that this is something you’re going to have to adapt to, because it might go away but you’re probably going to feel these things at some level until the day you die.” But I feel like I’ve passed the point where I could have adapted or changed my thinking patterns. It’s like an obsession, thinking of suicide.
Everyday, I see the train and watch the light approach the platform. I feel the train push the wind into me before it trembles past, […]
HI all,
I have been totally broke down for four years now. I really don’t have any idea what will bring me back to life. I’ve tried, but I have not been able to do it. I don’t want to be this way for the rest of my life, but it is very well possible that I will be.
When I say I am broken, I mean that I do not feel alive. I don’t feel depressed either, and that’s not to say in any way that I am therefore happy. Broken is the best word. I don’t know what is sustaining me and that fact that […]
You managed to wake me up at 6:00 a.m. Because you couldn’t sleep and couldn’t find pills. I was in a dead sleep which is rare for me to come by in this house. Now I can’t fall asleep again. I’m wide awake and afraid to sleep. I even got out of bed to help you find the pills. I was so drowsy that I forgot where I put them. You found them in your room after running around the house looking. I was asleep. You could have let me sleep. I even got up and put on another layer of clothes. I hate sleeping […]
I don’t understand why I should live and I wish I was never born so that I don’t have to go through anything. You may call me a coward but to be very honest I really am jealous of miscarried children. I wish I were them rn. And I don’t care anymore about other people and how they feel nor do I care about what possible future I can bring. If I’m dead then they wouldn’t matter much to me. So if you do know the purpose of life then do tell me because I just don’t know anymore.
So my escape plan is currently in action I can slowly feel myself becoming happier my consciousness is slowly fading so thought fuck it anyone wanna chat? >.<
-Suicide
I wish I had an iota of the pride my old friends from the community have, one bit of the joy they have in challenging norms and bringing about a future without gender divisions or prejudice…
I hate being transgender. There’s nothing attractive or heroic or special about my fucked up not male not female body. I’ll never pass as the gender I identify as– not even now I’ve been on hormones for a year and have had all my surgeries. I still don’t pass. Never will. My bone structure makes that impossible.
I was an attractive person pretransition. I went on loads of dates, I might […]
So today I found out that I got a parking ticket last month and I had no fucking idea. Like I’m attentive I would’ve seen a piece of paper on my windshield telling me that I got a ticket. I WOULDVE FUCKING SEEN IT IF IT FLEW OFF MY CAR WHILE DRIVING. I never got a first notice and I’m being charged almost double the fucking ticket because they say it’s my second notice. This is shit. I’m calling them tomorrow. I am willing to pay the original fine, because I did park illegally, but I am reluctant on paying the late charge because I […]
she’s all wrapped up tight
unwrapped she shines in the light
i hesitate at first for moment everything goes quiet
Iv found a new friend she’s so shiny and light
she knows my pain without me saying a word
she knows how to change mental pain into physical
without any words
she knows how to release tension all built up inside
She makes me bleed but she makes me feel alive at the same time
i don’t feel so numb this is kind of fun watching the blood run
but she dose leave scars that much is true
but in dark nights she really dose looks like the moon
– Ray
I get these overwhelmingly strong feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness and anxiety and frustration with myself. It’s been like this now for the past year. I tried to hide all of it from people for quite a while but one day I got a panic attack in class and that’s when my friends found out that my smiles had been fake all this time. I try to drop some hints to my mum that I feel “down” or “I just want to end it all” but she thinks its all just teenage angst or just hormones at this age.
Is it really just angst if I […]
23 hours left. (I’m sorry I’m going to post so much.)
Suicide Project. The name in it’s own.
Have you ever thought about is? Suicide project. That name. It’s cleaver. I would like to believe that it is that for a reason. For a purpose.
We the people of Suicide Project are almost like lab rats. Being watched. Just a group of people struggling with what is simpily death. I imagine someone is observing us. Seeing how we react to each other. How we help each other. What it’s like to be suicidal. Or you can look at it this way.
We are an ongoing project. As long […]
I’ve tried to say more, I’ve WANTED to, but I don’t know what a plastic person can offer that isn’t plastic.
I have a job, a home, health, food, shelter, the necessities. My coworkers like me, my family cares about me, my friends mean the world to me. Somehow it makes me feel even worse about myself, more of an ingrate, more worthless, more hopeless.
This will probably turn into a rant or something, oh well.
I’m terrified of everything. The voices won’t leave me alone. They want me to do things, and I know I’m going to end up doing them. They want me to jump from a bridge, or a building, now. They say bad things will happen if I don’t. I don’t want to hear them anymore. They scare me.
I still haven’t saw my doctor, there weren’t any appointments last week. I don’t know when I next see my therapist, and I see my psychiatrist on the 12th (the Angels haven’t been saying she’s much of a threat […]
So I’ve been absent from this site for awhile. I’ve been busy clearing out my shit and NO WAY IN HELL would I have imagined what a heap of junk I’ve accumulated; I actually wish I had a huge pit of fire to throw it all into lol..I know this is something I have to do or I’ll feel like I’ve left a mess behind and I believe that would fuk me over if there is an afterlife..I’m just covering all my angles here. ITS STRESSFUL as for some reason I still have attachments to some of the junk but at the same time I’m […]
I just saw an ex-colleague I have a thing for for the first time in three months. Kind of weirded me out, because a) I thought she’d moved hundreds of miles away, and b) it was the first time I’ve left the house in a week. I find myself thinking about her often, (which is sad and pathetic for so many reasons), and then there she suddenly is.
I didn’t talk to her or anything – didn’t even catch her eye. Had the weird feeling of simultaneously dreading her noticing me, or saying anything – because of my extreme social awkwardness – whilst longing for her to […]
Hi my dearest friends.. I got some tragic news i am still not ready to share yet, probably tonight.. I was wondering if anybody will play youtube tag with me so i wont feel so alone.. I tell you a song: you listen.. then you tell me a song: i listen… music can heal… help me to heal, would you… i will start… she is love by parachute
I’m leaving for a job interview in an hour. Hoping I get employed. If I found a job again I wouldn’t feel so useless. It’ll give me a purpose to get up every day again.
Why measure life on the amount of years? It’s really what you do in those years that matters.
I mean. . .
What’s the point in living a hundred years if you didn’t do anything that actually made you feel alive?
My vacation is over Friday. I don’t even want to get into specifics, but I’ll have more stress and more on my shoulders. I don’t know what this will do to my depression. Before, when I had this stress I had my ex to distract me and make my life feel better. I don’t have that now. I just feel so alone and so overwhelmed.
Well, I’m facing some hurdles. Hurdles I expected. I anticipated. Yet, they’re still pulling me under.
My dream, is fair and reasonable, yet seemingly unattainable.
I laid everything flat out for my wife. That I’m giving it a couple months. I’ll either be moved out of the house, or moved out of this body.
It’s not taken seriously. She just kicks me anyhow. My date is set. I intend to send a selfie as I begin my departure. Hopefully, that will be an everlong painful image printed in her head. Vindictive, eh, paybacks a mother fucker.
Really, I just feel bad for encouraging anyone here. I mean, […]
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