I came here often, not much to say. I’ve tried plenty of times, I’m just a dick.
Now I’m 19 weeks pregnant. Mom killed herself on Saturday. No email, no call, idk if there was a note. I didn’t realize how awful this end feels. No fucking answers. She knew I was pregnant and didn’t care. Knew I have no family and I’m in trouble, no biggie.
I still want to do it. All I did is sob before. Bf screams at me and threatens to kick me out all the time.
The world is fucked.
Tag:
feels
The thing is, it’s not always a bright sunny day. It’s a good shot to make others feel better at least. Of course I want to help them also as far as I can. It’s a relief when you seem them years from now waving at me and having a priceless smile. It was worth it.
I know it was worth it.
But you know, as what I’ve told you, I’ve had troubles. One of the members in our family is depressed and I’m trying so hard to help her. She’s my sister actually. When I’m in the class, I don’t understand why we should not entertain […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
It’s strange. Just some minutes ago I was feeling numb and empty and now my feelings are taking me down. I stare out of the window asking myself “Well, would those stones really kill me if I jumped with my head ahead on them?” Then my other voice decides for me: “Too risky, the chance of surviving and end up in a clinic with everyone thinking you’re mad and idiotic and eventually leaving you too is just WAY too high…” Wow. My mind sure knows how things work and what makes me feel better again. Not.
I’m in this I-hate-myself-can’t-do-anything-anymore-but-being-depressed-I-just-wanna-die mood again, if you know […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Sometimes I think I’ve legitimately gone mental. My mind constantly feels like it’s spinning like that gravity ride thing at the fair (some of you know what I’m talking about lol) but it gets to this point where I lose sense of my own being, and I feel so weird and abnormal, and sometimes like a different creature or a different kind of being. I can’t explain it, but my mind is a roller coaster and I think that one of these days I’m going to completely snap on myself.
Hello again. I’m glad that there were so many welcoming comments. I think I will start to post daily now, just to feel better. You know what I find funny? How open you can be with strangers. Often I throw out random hypothetical scenarios to people to see what they would say. “If there was a five grenades on the table and only one was live, what would it take to make you pull a single pin?” Often I would get answers like all the money in the world or all the knowledge in the world. When they would ask me I would say maybe […]
FYI: “Psychoface” is my endearing term for a psychiatrist 🙂 Actually, she’s a certified nurse practitioner, but I chose her because she’s a native English speaker. She’s turning out to be no better or worse than the MDs I’ve seen recently, except for this one thing….
Just wondering how many of you have been prescribed antidepressants for bipolar type I or II disorder and of you how many have benefited from them? I was diagnosed bipolar II and general anxiety disorder, and I haven’t read a lot of benefits from taking antidepressants and that it can induce manic episodes (which I don’t need more of).
Just for some […]
…I haven’t posted in a while, and that’s becouse I’ve been trying to be happy and stay happy. But why do I always end up at the starting point, feeling worthless and tired? This deppression suffocates me, it’s not letting go. Sharp knife rests on my wrist begging to slice it open! I know I shouldn’t do it. Trying to restrain myself….but it feels so good! The pain is addictive, the blood is beautiful! I’m afraid of what people will think of me if I tell them how I feel. Will they think I’m weird and insane? Am I weird? Am I insane?
I swear my head feels like the fucking bomb in Enola Gay…
I got buried in over my head in appointments, deadlines and the likes during these last few weeks.
Coupled with that never-ending nostalgia feeling, it gives me sudden sharp pains in my temples.
I was literally one step away from having a complete mental breakdown today. I woke up, and as soon as I noticed the dawning sun on the early morning sky, I started crying… Instantly. I bashed my head against the bed several times until I spent the only bit of energy I had at the moment and just stayed like that for a […]
It is nearing the end of the semester for me, and I have no motivation left. I know what you’re thinking “No one does.” But it isn’t just the usual dragging my ass to the library or late night studies from procrastination. It is the refusal to do anything….some days I won’t get out of bed, even if I’m hungry. Some days I force myself to go to the library to write papers but I get distracted and do nothing. I cannot make myself do anything anymore…I have assignment building, bills piling, dishes not done, laundry soiled, and quizzes untaken. It feels like my life […]
Anyone ever tried DMT? I’ve heard many people have had success in treating their depression or PTSD with DMT and other psychedelics. I tried DMT for the first time last night and OMG I’ve never experienced ANYTHING like that before in my life! The experience was so intense and real I came out of it in shock and my body was shaking. You truly cannot explain the experience to somebody, any description does it no justice.
I’ve been seriously depressed and having suicidal thoughts on a daily basis and today was the first day in a long time I didn’t wake up feeling severely depressed. Don’t […]
she’s hopless
she lies to keep herself alive
no one bears to see her pain
breaking everyday
everything is broken before her eyes
she feels trapped and hidden
no ones out to hear her
shes gave up so many times
its a dream for her to never wake up again
God if your really up there help her disappear
what’s left of me here?
just a brighter world and less fear
she wishes all day she can suddenly die
hoping for a way out of this hell hole
hoping someone can understand her pain
I’m so tired of being tired. I don’t have the energy or focus to do anything worthwhile. I can’t move forward – I don’t have the strength. I struggle to even do the bare minimum. I’m just here, slowly decaying. I’m scared to give up – to die. But nothing will change if I stay. I can’t sleep properly. I can’t eat without stomach pains. I can’t be around people without gut wrenching anxiety. This isn’t some temporary stage that’ll pass. This is me.
I’m just here, not dying, not really living. It could be worse. It probably will get worse.
I don’t know how to live […]
I just want permanent sleep. I hate being in this existence its such an overwhelming walk of meaninglessness. I do try i do go forward i do quit i even try to get back up at times. Im just at my wits end. It feels like death is the only option. I dont comprehend existence. Im tired of only existing in such incredible loneliness. I want to die. Life never happens for the ugly and meaninglessness. Just more depair and reminders of failure. No comments. I dont want another rah rah go be better comment no matter how well it means to be.
I don’ feel any more butterflies in my stomach when I think of him anymore, all I really feel is pain and that makes me sad. This used to make my world, he brightened it and made it so beautiful. Now, it feels gray and dank and disgusting. Now, when I think about him, I wonder if he even loves me at all, and if he doesn’t then when did he stop. I wonder if it was easy for him to replace me and I pray to the Universe that it isn’t, that if he truly loved me then he won’t be able to -selfish, […]
Just had a nice sweaty workout and I feel nothing but dead inside. I just had to come home and cry right after working out. I like working out, it feels like I have blood running through my veins during that, but afterward there are no endorphins. Nothing makes me feel good. I still want to die, if not more. Fuck.
So I told a friend abut my family problems. I don’t know if it was good or bad to. We were talking about our lives and things going on and it slipped out… She didn’t say anything to comfort me which I wished she did because it’s still quite a new pain. But she talked to me how she is going through some semi-similar stuff too. In the end, I don’t know. I regret mentioning it kind of. I’ve only mentioned it on SP and it feels weird to have actually talked it out. Anyways how is everyone else? I hope everyone is doing well, […]
Random 4th grade memory and other emotional breakdown fueled bitching
by chelle428
written by chelle428
All of my life I had been abused by my parents and my parents were abusive to each other until my mom walked out on us for a year and then our parents just ignored us. In elementary school I had a lot of problems in class and I would sometime sit there and cry all day and have to kept in the office. Sometimes I would talk to the school counselor. One day in the 4th grade the counselor called me in and told me she would have me take an anonymous survey that a bunch of other kids were taking and told me not […]
Sometimes it feels like all hope is lost, like there is no reason for me to continue thinking or trying or breathing and the self hatred gets even more overwhelming and I just want to scream and cry and tear myself apart (literally) I have goals I just have no motivation to achieve them anymore because I don’t see the point, I don’t see why I shouldn’t just end it now and end my pain, I have no one, and everyone just discourages and belittles me and I’m tired of pain