Tag:

feels

Testing The Waters

by Cordless 3/1/2016

written by Cordless

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/testing-waters-mp3.mp3

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Thank you to everyone who took some time to comment on my post last night. I was in a dark rotten place. (As you can see if you read through the comments.) I’m still there, to be honest, but at least I’m still able to write about it.

Here’s the music I mentioned. (Headphones recommended so the bass can come through better).

I wrote it in just a few hours, to distract myself from not being able to get online. For me, when I’m stuck here in bed at home, not being able to get online is a big deal, because it sort […]

3/1/2016 57 comments

I’ve Made My Bed, But I’d Rather Not Lie In It

by thehusk 3/1/2016

written by thehusk

I want to go back. Change everything. There was so much potential for happiness in my life. If only I hadn’t been such a fucking asshole. But now it’s too late. Now I’ve become this thing that I can’t let anyone see. I can’t make a connection with anyone because I have to put on an act. Pretend I’m a decent person, not a disgusting oxygen-thief. Can’t change myself to become decent. There’s some things you can’t come back from. I’m not sure what the right thing would be from this point. I’m guessing it would hurt. A lot. Me, and my family. A whole […]

3/1/2016 4 comments

Looking in the mirror and saying to myself

by Lacalamity 2/29/2016

written by Lacalamity

“somewhere something horrible happens to someone on this earth and I am here.”

I started to think what makes me really sad, to know that people are forced to do things they don’t want, like children getting beat up because they blasphemed, men who are send to die against their will, women forced into submission by their own kin. And the list goes on and on, and I feel how this feels,I saw this things, and just thinking about this makes me so strange, kinda a mix between rage, fear, panic, a horrible feeling. And I don’t know how to cope with it, am I too […]

2/29/2016 2 comments

Downhill

by Bri 2/29/2016

written by Bri

At least that’s how it feels everything is going.

Everyone here would love to disagree with me. “But Brittany, you’re such a brilliant girl!” “But Brittany, you’re such a social butterfly! Everyone loves you!”

It doesn’t feel like it…

I can’t find the will to get out of bed anymore, I think it’s getting bad again, but I don’t know how to tell anyone… Because there’s always something they see that somehow proves that I’m completely fine- in their opinion. I’m constantly numb. I’ve thought of things I haven’t thought of in a while and it scares me. I don’t want to go back to being desperate to […]

2/29/2016 5 comments

Protected: Pain and triggers

by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful) 2/28/2016

written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

2/28/2016 0 comment

What’s left?

by adopted_disaster 2/28/2016

written by adopted_disaster

My tear soaked pillow mourns the absence of drought
The piles of tissues in the corner regret their existence
My heart begs to beat again and feel the warm embrace
The confusion sets in with unbearable force
If only I were perfect would you like me? Would you come back?
Would you realize that your words sting like sandpaper?
Or when I cry it feels like acid
If only you understood what really happened
If you could only listen
Hear my frail cries
If I were different
Would you notice?
Or would it matter to you if I wasn’t there at all.
I […]

2/28/2016 0 comment

feeling depressed again

by evildandelions 2/28/2016

written by evildandelions

Feeling depressed sad, not grieving sad. At least it feels like it, like I’d be feeling this way (mostly) even if my fiance and I were still together.

I do feel like I’ve sort of accepted she’s gone and what’s happened, maybe. But it feels like my life is just a cycle of loss and tragedy on top of unrelenting depression and anxiety. The only reprieve I’ve had was when I was with my fiance/girlfriend. Our first year together is probably the happiest I can remember ever being- not only was I in love with an amazing woman who loved me back, but right before we […]

2/28/2016 9 comments

This Won’t Make One Bit of Sense… I’m writing things as they pop into my head

by lanegirl 2/25/2016

written by lanegirl

I’ve been asking my parents to take me to a psychologist for the past four years. Today they told me I have an appointment next week, I was happy at first, then they told me the day of my appointment and I got scared.
I have too many things on my plate…
I used to enjoy going to my Forensics practices, it was a time where I got to swear, scream, cry and just be who I am inside without anyone knowing. Now, I have to be patient, not be so dramatic. For FUCKS sake, how am I not supposed to be dramatic? Seriously, my category is Drama! I […]

2/25/2016 2 comments

I don’t have it nearly as bad as you guys, yet….

by I am out 2/24/2016

written by I am out

…right now I might feel as bad. I’ve been suicidal before, but for some reason I am not right now. Even though I’m not suicidal, I feel just about as bad as I did in the past when I did. Guess this means I’m getting stronger? Hope so. In any case, the feeling still feels bad in any context.

Anyways, what’s a suicide project post without a little sob story? We all got them, but I’ll spare you the details since it’s pretty cut and paste. I met a girl 3 weeks ago that literally met every quality I look for in a girl that also […]

2/24/2016 4 comments

Where does fantasy end and reality begin?

by Snow Fox 2/24/2016

written by Snow Fox

Hey all,

Hope everyone has been doing as well as can be, and I was just wondering if I could get some input about my recent thoughts/behaviors.

So as with most users on this site, I have struggled with suicidal thoughts and desires for a long time. Many of us even keep a possible means close by or have it recorded how/where we might get it. But my question is, where does the comfort/ideation of killing yourself turn into reality?

I’m not scared of dying, but at the same time, my mind getting my hopes up and then not having anything happening is also very tiring.

My situation is […]

2/24/2016 7 comments

i hate birthdays

by jasal 2/23/2016

written by jasal

[tw: self-harm]

i turn 21 tomorrow and feel pretty terrible about it. i didn’t want to make it to 21. i wanted to be ashes by now. i told my family i don’t want a special meal or a cake or presents, but they’re nice people so they’re insisting. i think my brother feels bad for screaming at me and basically telling me i was worthless, a few weeks ago (the first time he’s ever treated me that way…can’t say i didn’t deserve it haha). he insists on at least picking up good food. why.

i wish i was dead. i have a list of […]

2/23/2016 6 comments

I’m fine

by Onemore 2/23/2016

written by Onemore

Here’s the thing: I’m fine now.

I mean, I have been so depressed, so desperate… and now it’s all over.
My mind is not sinking in anxiety like it always was. I’m calmed. I can laugh, talk to friends, do things. I’m ok. Everything is back to normal.

Except that it doesn’t feel normal. Everything feels unreal. I’m looking for a job, trying to go back to university, but I don’t want to do any of those things. But I don’t want to not do them neither.
I don’t want to stay home, I don’t want to go away. It’s not that I don’t know what I […]

2/23/2016 4 comments

An easy life.

by Good Adjective 2/23/2016

written by Good Adjective

Often when i’m stressed, like when there are important exams coming up in the near future (or any particularly significant event for that matter), I have a series of thoughts that run through my head. It’s a mantra that half keeps me sane and half makes me insane.

“You could join the army instead. You could commit a crime instead. You could kill yourself instead.”

Each of these prospects require a varied level of commitment, but over time they become less of a threat and more of an ideology.

Although all three of these options keep bouncing around my head, right now i’m contemplating committing a crime. I […]

2/23/2016 0 comment

One Day.

by GTSuicide_6 2/22/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I am sad. So sad. I am so sad to the point where the prettiest things feels the ugliest. Where the most vivid images in life seems the most dark. Where the joy feels like sadness, and the excitement feels like fear. I am sad. Sad to the point where when happiness is present, it is enveloped entirely by a deep sadness.

—-

As mentioned yesterday on a post, I got the opportunity to attend a concert with performers, dancers, and motivational speakers today.

When everyone else enjoyed themselves during the break, I locked myself in the bathroom and cut myself.

When everyone found happiness and joy throughout the […]

2/22/2016 2 comments

Too much ” help”

by hallowy 2/22/2016

written by hallowy

I have a decision to kill myself in the head but at the same time I have people who are trying to help me. They want to add psychoanalyst to my psychologist and psychiatrist. Also I am supposed to have a support person who would meet me I don’t know once a week. I feel like its too much. Too many people putting their nose into my business. And it feels like so much effort for nothing.

I don’t see anything changing my mind. Of course I can’t tell them my real thougths. Or maybe I should. I am hospitalized already… Ah I’ve been […]

2/22/2016 1 comment

Far Away.

by GTSuicide_6 2/22/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

Everything to me, feels out of reach, out of place, too far gone, simply, far away.

I have to be happy; I know I have to be happy. I SHOULD be happy.

But I can’t. And I’m not.

I may be complaining about something minor, something great, so whats the problem?

I get the opportunity to go to a concert tomorrow, a first experience for me. But I’m crying tonight. Anxiety kicks me in the face and leaves my crying and broken. I’m scared. I’m afraid. I am NOT happy.

I am sad, to add on to it. A deep, unending sadness that makes me feel numb with my emotions. I’m not […]

2/22/2016 13 comments

Slowly dying, so why prolong it?

by filmg1rl 2/22/2016

written by filmg1rl

At this point in my life, I feel like I’m just overwhelmed with sadness. It’s genuinely at a point where I feel like I’m going to cry all the time because I’m just so intensely sad. All the joy of life has been beaten out of me inch by inch over my 41 years.

But it’s hit me really hard recently. My best friend was just dumped by her husband of 10 years for a younger woman, so I’ve been doing what a friend does and being there as much as possible for her. But part of her initial and possibly unhealthy reaction to this has […]

2/22/2016 6 comments

The Only Thing I Have To Offer

by thelost 2/18/2016

written by thelost

She’s lying on the bed, her hair fans out from her head. She looks beautiful when seems to not be trying to impress anybody, and is existing and living for her own sake. Those bright blue eyes that I could get lost in for hours are staring intently at her eyelids. They drink in the darkness that surrounds them while light streaks across her vision like miniature shooting stars. A fireworks show for her, and her alone. The hair I touched upon earlier is a dirty blonde color, and when you see it you want nothing more than to see her casually playing with it, […]

2/18/2016 1 comment

Unsatisfied..

by red_river 2/17/2016

written by red_river

I tried to kill myself(via shitload of pills) yesterday and it just feels so weird ending up waking up and having to get ready for school and have a normal day. I knew my life was fake, but today I suddenly understood why. Is this my life now?

2/17/2016 2 comments

A New Kind of Love

by rich51bruhh 2/17/2016

written by rich51bruhh

I have mentioned many times how I have been in love with this girl for so long. I also posted quite recently about how I have finally gotten over her and have felt like I can comfortably have relationships now that I am no longer in love with her. She messaged me a couple of days ago and damn, i’m back. How can I be so in love with a girl. She messages me and I light up right away and message her right back. I am evem expecting a letter in the mail from her. We’ve been exchanging letters since freshman year. […]

2/17/2016 7 comments

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