Tag:

fighting

Tired of fighting myself

by dividebyzero 4/2/2016

written by dividebyzero

I don’t find life to be unbearably painful as much as I find it to be completely mentally exhausting. At least when I actually try. In order to accomplish much of anything I usually have to fight myself a lot. I’m always fighting either social phobia, or fear of change, or severe self-doubt, or hypersensitivity, or self-hatred. It’s like I’m dragging around a sixty-pound rock of depression and fear everywhere I go.

On my bad days, I often wonder how much longer I want to keep fighting myself. Another year? A few years? Ten years? And why should I keep fighting myself? Five or ten years ago I […]

4/2/2016 9 comments

My boyfriend showed me attention…

by sugarfreeheartless 4/1/2016

written by sugarfreeheartless

… and I felt elated. I felt like maybe we had a chance, maybe I had a chance to get out of this hell that is bipolar and somehow make it work. I felt like my old self. I actually laughed. A two week anger/mania streak just lifted. But I have to remember all that I went through, and put him through for weeks. Funny how bipolar makes you focus on the current thing and feel like it was forever. but I know that time-wise, I have been miserable or way more than I have been happy. It does not add up. I know the […]

4/1/2016 1 comment

Im tired of everything

by kupo95 4/1/2016

written by kupo95

Told my family im on the west coast. they did what I thought they would freak out threatened me again threaten to break my marriage again .

Im tired If im being played for a fool let me be played mom and dad . I am a worthless fool . let me die in life mentally emotionally, physically. Im tired of fighting my father siad hell see me in two weeks . I might end it then he gave me my time slot the 9th still stands I guess.

4/1/2016 1 comment

Hi I’m dyinginny and I’m an alcoholic

by dyinginny 4/1/2016

written by dyinginny

When I got laid off in January I quit all my psych meds except for occasional Xanax for job interviews. I thought I was finally helping myself after years of being a zombie. I was proud of myself and thought the hardest part was over. Wrong. I saw my shrink yesterday and told her I still suffer from extreme nausea and only Xanax and getting drunk makes it go away. She pointed out that my hands were also shaking. She then pointed out the obvious that I have been in denial of. I’m an alcoholic and when my body isn’t drunk or medicated I now […]

4/1/2016 10 comments

I feel like Harry Potter…

by claritee 3/31/2016

written by claritee

My favorite chapter in Harry Potter The Deathly Hallows is The Wandmaker. I haven’t heard many people that say that’s their favorite chapter, but in my opinion, out of all the books, it’s the most well-written. Harry is faced with a choice and he’s finally coming to terms with it. He is battling against himself, fighting the unknown and doing exactly what he needs to do to get things done even if he doesn’t want to do it. He is in pain. The sense of loss he is feeling is paramount. Be he is the only one that can help the situation. I could read […]

3/31/2016 1 comment

people here irritate me

by rayonhousefly 3/31/2016

written by rayonhousefly

So I can often relate, I have and continue to struggle with multiple mood disorders and suicidal thoughts/tendencies. What really irritates me, even though I understand, is the constant barrage of teeny boppers who always say the same thing: This is just how life is, this is how it will always be, and theres nothing I can do to change it. I understand the feeling of helplessness very well, I just wish they could understand that all they are doing by surrendering unconditionally to their situation is admitting defeat. Once you stop fighting, the battle may as well be lost. As long as you are […]

3/31/2016 8 comments

Dead tired

by Drowning 3/30/2016

written by Drowning

i swear no sleep in the world could cure this tiredness apart from that ever lasting sleep everyone hopes for here

im tired of fighting im physically and mentally drained I ain’t got much fight left in me I don’t even have enough strength to try again right now so I have to stay suffering and get destroyed by my demons (my thoughts )

its funny how you can be your own worst enemy it’s a battle to fight myself everyday how can u win the war against your self with out killing yourself it’s tough

3/30/2016 1 comment

Job searching is hell.

by dividebyzero 3/29/2016

written by dividebyzero

Searching for jobs is basically a combination of a lot of the things I hate most about life. Being rejected over and over. Being judged constantly. Fighting social phobia to contact people you haven’t seen or talked to in years, asking for introductions to other strangers. Trying to fake a smile and fake a sense of confidence, particularly after having been rejected over and over. Reading job descriptions and feeling more and more depressed at all of the desired qualifications and experience I don’t have. Sending resumes out into what feels like a yawning void.

Ironically, I’ve had a few people contacting me about job openings that […]

3/29/2016 2 comments

I been fighting this too long to surrender

by aspie 3/23/2016

written by aspie

3/23/2016 3 comments

I’m back (for a moment)

by Engie 3/22/2016

written by Engie

Hi guys. It’s been a while since I was last here.
It’s 8:16pm and I’ve been at work for over 13 hours. My concentration is fizzing. I’m trying to get these drafts out before tomorrow, but I’m fighting the familiar thoughts again.

I feel like I have so much to tell everyone about what happened in the time I was gone from this forum, but I don’t have the energy right now.

I’m contemplating leaving now and coming back early tomorrow to finish this off before work starts. I’m not being very productive anyway.

At the same time, I find myself thinking “If I’m going to do this, […]

3/22/2016 0 comment

It Gets Better

by DexQuietlyBreaking 3/17/2016

written by DexQuietlyBreaking

For any LGBT people out there struggling:

You are not alone.

I’m transgender/lesbian and still fighting hard.

It does get better. I promise.

3/17/2016 3 comments

mental detox

by Drowning 3/14/2016

written by Drowning

I’m not to sure why I’m still hanging around to be honest maybe I need to find the courage to try again and plan properly this time ? Isit our destiny to die early I feel like iv lived two life times but I’m still young but I feel so old can people like us recover from being rock bottom depressed anxious suicidal and even attempted ? Or should we give up what r we really fighting for ? A 9 to 5 job is that living ? Do we live to work or work to live ? Why are we this way is there […]

3/14/2016 3 comments

The deep end

by DaylightFades 3/14/2016

written by DaylightFades

I jumped into the deep end,

(first my head and then my feet)

I’m drowning in the water;

I’ve fallen in too deep.

I’m drowning in this bed,

and I’m drowning in these sheets,

my hope was once my life vest,

now I’m sinking in my sleep.

They say “Seek Salvation”

but I haven’t found it yet,

I inhale and I exhale-

I’m still struggling for breath.

I’m running out of oxygen,

I’m running out of air

I’m at war with the world,

but the world’s not fighting fair

3/14/2016 3 comments

One of Those Life Story Posts

by Nathaniel_Morisawa 3/14/2016

written by Nathaniel_Morisawa

I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe so that I can just get it out of my system now and have something for other people to read after I’m dead. Maybe for some other reason. I don’t know.

My history with suicide is filled with twists and turns. Ever since I was ten years old, I could tell that I wasn’t normal and that no matter what I tried, I would never be able to fit in with other people due to my inconsistent and abnormal disposition. This idea stemmed from the fact that throughout my life as a child, I never really had any friends. There […]

3/14/2016 4 comments

I’m ready

by jmc22 3/13/2016

written by jmc22

I was having doubts about this, but now I’m ready. Do you know what finally set me off? My mom. It was a good day, my brother started teaching me how to drive, my dad was just in his room, and my mom was watching tv. And my dad came out to ask about what we should do about our insurance. I don’t know why, but my mom started yelling saying that that should be his responsibility and that other families have everything sorted out. My family isn’t the richest, and whenever my dad does something without my mom’s knowledge she rages and when my […]

3/13/2016 6 comments

1st step.

by Alan Ominous 3/12/2016

written by Alan Ominous

Well, I broke the news. It’s less than welcome. I don’t have a ton of fight in me, but, I see this as literally fighting for my life. Just knowing its going to get harder makes me think why bother.

3/12/2016 15 comments

by Drowning 3/4/2016

written by Drowning

Why dose life suck so much I swear I’m ready to die just need the courage to call it a day it feels like iv lived a whole life time at 26 my mind feels so old I guess like an old person just counting down the days to die iv had enough I’m tired of fighting im physically mentally and emotionally drained The life has literally been sucked out of me I’m just a walking shel just going though the day hoping a tragic accident will happen to me it’s a shame the pills ain’t how they used to be

3/4/2016 4 comments

No Reason to Fight

by -M- 2/29/2016

written by -M-

I don’t know why I keep fighting through this shithole called life. Every force, being, and power is pushing against me, hoping to drive my head further into the darkness. The worst part is I am losing. I have to reason to push through to the invisible light at the end of hell; I have lost the traction that helped move my feet forward. I cannot do this anymore. It really is easier to let go of everything, even including yourself.

2/29/2016 2 comments

My Addiction

by filmg1rl 2/29/2016

written by filmg1rl

Suicidal thoughts are an addiction. It’s a disease. Eventually your brain becomes wired to crave it. It’s like being an alcoholic. You can go the rest of your life never having another drink, but you’ll never stop being an alcoholic and never stop wanting a drink.

I wish I could stop wanting to die. I wish it didn’t occupy my thoughts every day. I’m tired of fighting the addiction.

2/29/2016 3 comments

He made a mistake marring me i not worth it

by kupo95 2/27/2016

written by kupo95

Oknso i am so afaid for tomorrow it’s not normal. My father is probaly gonna come and drag me out of my husbands grandparents house. And. One out of two things are gonna happen .

1. My marriage will break
2. Or i lose all contact with my family
So i dont know how im gonna make threw the night.
And on top of that my brother is getting a divorice and its all my fault.

Why is it my fault because when I first came to fl my parents did not want me here and threaten to drag me put of my inlaws house were i […]

2/27/2016 3 comments

Newer Posts

Older Posts