It’s all my fault. My horrible relatioship with my dad, the reason my mom cries, the reason our house hold is so fucked up. It’s just all fucked up and I can’t fucking fix it because it’s all my goddamn fucking fault. You know what hurts the most? Is knowing that this is so fucking true. All I can do is sit here like a dumb fuck and listen to Nickleback blaring in my ears trying to drown every shitty bit of my self in the angry rythum og the music and a sea of self hatred. I want to drown in my own hatred- […]
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find
I swear that even the fucking teachers here are trying to make my life miserable on purpose. The one time I actually find a place where I can sit at lunch where no one can mess with me I’m of fucking course not allowed to be there.
“What did you say your name was?”
“Why are you like this?”
“Smile!”
“Keep trying!”
“What did you do this weekend?”
“Be yourself!”
“Look on the bright side of things.”
“What do you do for fun?”
“Why do not you make more friends?”
“One day will be well, be patient.”
“You have everything and complain!”
“Of course it is so, you only stay at home!”
“Have hope.”
“Stand by me for all!”
“Call your friends for a night out.”
“There are many people with bigger problems than yours!”
“Do not be coward!”
“God has plans for you.”
“Crying will not do anything.”
“Talk to her...”
“She […]
I feel so sad and broken right now , it’s like my life is based on disappointment after disappointment. The year of 2015 was so tough, i’ve been feeling so unhappy. I’m graduated in a not so glamorous course in college, so it was not a surprise when i didn’t find a good job, having to accept any office sh** that appeared to me with a small paycheck, and by the way i hate every second of it.
Suicidal thoughts come often to my mind, but i never had the courage to do it, anyway sometimes i feel like i can’t handle that bad feeling […]
So…my thought for the day is that I will probably never be happy. I don’t I have it in me. You don’t get to live how I’ve lived and be happy. There is no peace for me here.
Despite that, for the time being, I think I still want to live. I still want to pursue my goals, however out of reach they seem, even knowing that gaining them will bring nothing but momentary satisfaction before the gnawing discontent returns.
The main obstacles to this settlement are sleep and work.
On my days off I can usually cope with my overwhelming anxiety/existential dread by focusing on other things. I […]
I feel like it would be fun to see all of yours too . These are mine.
1. Find something I’m passionate about . I really want to find something to put my time and energy into . Art ? Music ? I have a great ear my friend tells me . And I love going to shows. I think I would like to buy a synthesizer . I’m really into some funky music.
2. Pass my dental assisting radiology and infection control exams . I’m coming close to the date to take them and I’m nervous . After I take these tests I can get […]
If you’re reading this, I hope you had (or have) a really good time, and I hope you find the happiness that has eluded me for way too long.
20 years old and desperately trying to find a reason to live. Problems in the family have led to me feeling like shit for the last 3 years and I haven’t been able to shake off the feelings of depression and uselessness that I started having when everything started happening. Countless days have been spent putting myself in isolation in order for me not to try affect other people’s lives, and trying to find the energy to sometimes go out and do things is one of the hardest things to try and do. Things started getting even worse about 3 months ago, and I’ve been […]
Again, I can’t process anything. I woke up at 5am to see this on Facebook. All this time, since I left WV, I haven’t been able to process anything. I cried, some, after reading this and giving it a minute to sink in. The worst thing you’d ever want to hear. It’s so surreal. But this is the woman who took my cats when I lost my home. I ended up in KY when I couldn’t stay at the place I paid $1700 to move in to in OH. I lost that money and had only $800 left. It was too cold and cramped in […]
First of all, i want to make sure that you know, i would never take my own life.
I just currently finished yet another book about a girl taking her own life… Why, and how… Always a mystery.
Im not suicidal. I have never been. But for a long time i have been in love with the idea of the picture of taking my own life.
Always about how i would do it. How people would react. Would anyone regret things they did to me og what they never told me.
Who would find me, would anyone find.
I had the same crush about eating disorders.
I feel sick […]
I’ve been so angry at my ex, sometimes to the point where I want to say or do mean things. I’ve been able resist actually saying anything (although at one point I made my friend hold onto my phone so I couldn’t text her).
But in the last few day I’ve been feeling a little less angry, just so incredibly sad (although I expect the anger to return periodically). I miss her and everything we had. I miss the future I thought we’d have together. I miss having someone who knew me as well as she did, someone who is my best friend, who I can trust […]
Is any one awake ? Can’t sleep?
I can’t find a stable feelings, I’m all over the place, I don’t have a desire to do anything I love any more,everything so bleak, I try to express myself maybe to help ease some aniexty,or escape from me… so I’m here constantly trying to think of what to say, to myself ..to you. When I try to reply to your post I’ll sit and try to relate in words, be supportive something to make a connect, but ill either draw a blank or start writing a paragraph and end up deleting anyway…I just can’t accept myself, neither can […]
Sighs recently i guess I’ve been doing anything to feel honestly now I’m just a piece of meat when i look in the mirror, first i did nothing but cut then i got to the point where i don’t feel it anymore it feels good sometimes, sex made me feel good so i had as much as i could get but now i just feel dirty and used (yeah guys can feel that way) and now i don’t know what to do ive cut as much as i could fit without it being too obvious now I’m just tired all the time recently I’ve wanted […]
I complain about my job all the time and I’m sorry. But today I came across some new things.
Today, I had access to Z’s computer. I looked through her IM’s between her and T and they’re all complaining about me or making fun of me.
I wake up in the morning feeling anxious. It gets so bad I feel physically ill. This causes me to miss a lot of work because I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything, and I’m not feeling well. I miss work from this, plus the days I’m sick from other reasons. So it adds up. T and Z believe I’m faking because I can appear fine today and be out tomorrow and come back the next day. They don’t know it’s from anxiety though. I just tell them I’m sick. They wouldn’t understand if I told them the truth. You could tell me to […]
i find some days my desire to fight for life is almost nonexistent. Like today, I really just want it to be over. I know I have to now because I feel like it’s to close to the holidays. It’s like I’m committed till at least the first of the year now. 🙁 I just really hate everything
If you really, really loved me, if you honestly care so much for my wellbeing then leave a gun somewhere for me to find. I’ll do the rest.
Just saying, just got kicked in the teeth. It’s hopeless when you fail and world colapsed, when you find something else that wasnt suppose to be there.
Im sure that we can all get related to this song.
PS: hope that i will find some fans around, if you are one of them, than talk to me :))
Has anyone got an idea where one might find 3 witnesses to sign a will? Assume freinds and family are out of the question due to obvious suspicion.