Can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to start my life over again. Locations, friends, schools, jobs, girlfriends and fiancés.. everything. Starting over use to be incredibly hard. But once you reach that end.. there is most often, a fork in the road. And you must choose a path. Death..or starting over. I’ve reached my end enough times to realize that at the end, you lose a lot of cares. And if you can manage to come back a smarter wiser person, you come back with little to lose..but everything to gain. As long as there is breath in my lungs, my heart will […]
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get better
Well, I don’t know what I am doing here. I have officially ruined everyone I am close to’s life. I had a best friend, the only one I’ve ever had, and I ruined it by being an ass. No surprise here. My family is so awesome, and I keep messing it up for them. I can’t stop, either. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time, and I’ve basically lost all control of myself. I ruined my life a long time ago, but I deserved that. I don’t know how to stop. How does […]
Speaking from personal experience, I’ve come to the conclusion you can get yourself out of depression .. without therapy or antidepressants
I’ve made a lot of progress since late 2011 – early 2012 .. back then I was very depressed with suicidal thoughts
I felt depleted of energy throughout the day regardless of how long I had stayed in bed
I remember that one time, I tried doing pushups but couldn’t find the strength .. leaving this world was the one and only thing that truly resonated with me, everything else was just blah
these days, I feel good most of the time and I experience levels […]
I think we all ask ourselves is what if we just hold on one more day, one more week, etc. It’s that natural survival question we all ask ourselves, and it’s probably while we are all still here today. I know it’s why I am. Those lonely nights I had dozens of bottles of stockpiled medications sitting right near my bedside, those nights I had access to firearms, those nights where I could’ve jumped off a tall building. I’m still here because I still have that survival instinct asking me what if? What if things get better one day? I know it’s not going to […]
It’s been a while since I have been on here. I consider myself a suicide survivor. My story is not anything crazy but I invite anyone to contact me, young or old, male or female, to contact me. I want to be here to be your outlet. I want to be someone to hear your story and to pass on my wisdom that things will get better. So please, please contact me before you decide to put an end to it all. I will show you the world is worth sticking around for. My email is 2sadhappy@gmail.com. If you email me I promise you a […]
I used to think that I would always be happy… Well that was until my dad died last year in August. Since then I haven’t felt there was a purpose in life, like there is just nothing left anymore… I started doing things that even I felt was not right like planing my death with millions of different ways, but I wasn’t even realising I was doing it… Which really thrightened me, I though I was going mental. I booked an appointment with the doctors as I was so scared of what I would do to myself, they gave me some medication which really helped […]
I like to think i do more good than harm.
When you feel like your trying so hard to hold it together, sometimes you just give up.
I haven’t self harmed in a long while.
Maybe I turned that aggression outwards instead.
We all have bad days. They get better.
not much better.
but better every day.
It’s not like with my personality I can change for the better. I know I won’t. It’s not about needing sympathy here or looking for common grounds with people. It’s just to basically type it out because I rather random faceless strangers from the internet to know than the people I’m “close” to.
It all started last week that I mentioned in an older post. I lost my car due to bogus reasons, and then the next day I got drug tested from my job, in which I have been currently using narcotics. They sent the sample off to the lab due to a line not […]
I’m 22 years old and I feel utterly hopeless, at least compared to a few months ago. I live with my parents, work a low end retail job and have very few friends/social interaction. I’m going back to college, but even then I feel like it will be an utter waste of time in my life.
I’m introverted, so naturally I like to be alone. However there’s times where I get bored and lonely. Most of my friends either do activities I don’t like (clubbing, drinking) or don’t […]
..
…
The blood drips down her leg
Wondering what she did to deserve this
The life flows from the wounds she created.
The blade and blood is her true form of accepting.
Caring. Loving. Trusting,
All having sick and twisted definitions in her head.
Everyone hates her so why should she try?
Questions continuously swallowing the silence
The love she feels is false and empty
She has become bitter and broken but goes unnoticed.
The hard shell she has is not to keep you out,
Rather to keep her pieces contained
She once loved with her whole existence..
Worthless she feels.
The blood drips to the floor
The lights get blurry
Maybe this way […]
At the age of 14, in my first year of highschool, I tried to take my life. I hid under a bridge, without anyone knowing in the morning on October 27th, and I swallowed 60+ pills. The pills were pills that I was prescribed to from my doctor. Before all this, I was clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I had thought that I would get better, but seemingly, I did not. So, that morning, I took pills, and waited. My legs were numb, and I was freezing cold. My whole body was slowly shutting down, and I could feel every little part of it […]
Feel so empty each day i get more lost in my thoughts , thinking “why me” i tried my best to think it would get better but i was just lying to myself. I realized that my life will consist of depression , loneliness and hiding this emotions that are making wish of painless suicide. I dont have anybody to tell me that i matter or hear my feelings. Wish i could dream and escape my reality . it is the only way i can cope until i get the courage to kill myself.
I currently weigh 150 pounds . I don’t eat some days just to get my weight down . And when I do eat I count the calories .. Does it have to be so hard ? I want to cut all the fat off my body … And see my bones and collarbones and my hips.. I don’t want my stomach to fold when I sit down.. Or people to call me fat any more. I don’t love my life, I don’t love my body, I don’t love myself… When are things gonna get better?
I’ve been cleaning my house. Dropping bags to donate. Filling garbage cans.
I don’t want someone else to have to do it.
But it’s silly a bit. I’m making choices about what might be important to my children. I feel nothing about any of it.
I felt a bit better once I decided and started planning and preparing.
Now I can’t get out of bed again. They know I’m not ok. But there’s been so many secrets. I think they’re afraid too.
I got sober. I did what they told me to. And it was supposed to get better. I was going to be ENOUGH. But I’m not. And I […]
I think I want to get better, I mean I should want to get better …. but then I don’t. I came out of hospital for a suicide attempt a couple months ago and I’m expected to be better now. I’m expected to be happy, I’m expected to be normal. Normal is such a funny word. Is normal an action, a belief, a lifestyle? Or is it a character I’m expected to play? I’m sixteen years old. I don’t live with my abusive mum anymore and I no longer binge drink or do drugs. I should be happy, shouldn’t I? My dad is super controlling […]
I’m really considering hanging, the tools are easy to find, I’m tired of it all life is just so hard on me,I honestly don’t believe it will get better have lost all Faith and I Hate every fucking moment I am still alive . I feel that my mind is so messed up and destroyed. Why can’t I just be okay again . Why……..
ssI’ve gotten to the point to where my head hurts when ever I get even the slightest depressed It hurts so much I can’t stand it. My biggest wish is to be happy. I want a family and kids My girlfriend made me promise I wouldn’t hurt myself. She use to selfharm but she stopped when we started living together and she realized that I cut alot and she wanted us to get better together but its hard for me I don’t want to let her down but when she gets upset I get depressed.. She’s all I have like my mind is so damage […]
Why do people have to be so mean. Every time i let someone in they always have to hurt me. I hate it how people always say they there gonna be there for me and once they see that i really do care about them they just leave. I just wanted a friend but they eventually just leave, but then they say life is worth living. i just want that oe person who will say they wont leave and then they do. my mom prefers weed ad meth so she’d set me away to my step dads who loves going to the bar. But i […]
They say it’s okay.
That it’s gonna get better.
They don’t understand.
They think it’s a phase.
That we’re just overreacting.
They think we’re okay.
They see the fucking signs,
They just don’t care.
They don’t hear the voices.
They don’t feel the pain.
They don’t know.
And we won’t tell.
I’m already dead inside.
I screwed my life beyond repair, and all of it for no valid reasons. All because of anxiety that got me and the depression that came after. I gave up my life and I cannot take it back. I cannot live in the “what’s left of my life” while facing everyday the “how bright my life would have been if I didn’t screwed it all up”. It’s just too painful and it drains my motivation away. I don’t like myself anymore and I think it doesn’t worth to live like this.
I didn’t commit suicide yet because I am afraid of the consequences […]