I’ve tried and tried and tried and nothing ever seems to get better. The universe is conspiring against me.
Fuck it. I’m too tired to play this game anymore. I’m out.
Tag:
get better
what happens if you try meds therapy etc and that don’t work am I mean to sit back and watch life move on without me even no I’m alive I would rather not be around sitting in the shade do depressed people get better or isit for life cause this sucks just surviving each day with no goals I do dread waking up most day to do the same thing all over again the next day
I think I plan to go by May. The month I’m supposed to graduate. See, I was to kill myself January 9th (my birthday) I had the right method to make sure I don’t actually wake back up, but I didn’t have the right place. And I couldn’t do it at home because I don’t want my mom seeing my lifeless body. But in May, I’ll have a place.
I was supposed to graduate college this year but I had to dropout due to academic probation. My grades dropped really bad, to the point where I just ended up failing all my classes. I don’t […]
Life is far too cruel and absurd to be lived.
I don’t know what fucked me up first – whether it was life or me. If I knew it was my own fault I don’t know if I would feel worse. But either way, what’s done is done. I’m damaged goods now.
I know that I had great potential – once. I know that I could have achieved some amazing things – once. If only I could turn back the hands of time – try a do-over, but this time with zero mistakes. This time, taking advantage of that limitless potential. This time, with the knowledge of […]
(I apologize in advance for any spelling errors, I suck at using a touchscreen)
Ok, well my story is probably nothing special, I just need to get this out somehow, but as you can probably tell I have suicidal depression. Their really isn’t much bad about my life, I just really hate myself, I literally (actual literally, not figuratively literally) have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I hate my personality, I hate my gender, I hate that I’m asexual, I’m 16 and I watch My Little Pony, I’m incredibly stupid, I hate how I look so much that I can’t stand looking in a mirror and I […]
Feel so stuck like everyone around me their lives are falling together and mine falling apart I’m in the dark and everyone is in the light moving and I’m staying still and alone in the dark when people say things get better do they really ? That’s one thing I fear now after after my 2nd attempt what happens if I stick around and they don’t get better
Hey guys. I’m new to this place but I thought I might share something I wrote a couple weeks back. I read someone’s post online saying he was going to commit suicide that day, and I felt this rush of empathetic love toward him. It led me to write a passage about depression.
A very short background about me: I’m a junior in college. Five years ago, I went through a two-year-long period of depression. I attempted suicide in the summer going into my sophomore year of high school. Since then, life has gotten increasingly better each year and I’m eternally grateful that I didn’t succeed […]
Not sure what to write…..so I am just gonna write. No editing, no revisions.
Didn’t think it possible that it would hurt this bad.
I hung everything on the line, sacrificed it all….and have nothing to show for it….
I guess the one thing I always really wanted was a woman to save me. Save me from myself…..
Now here I am where I started, and in worse shape. I would give everything to go back in time and do it all over again…..to relive the happy moments. To change the way things ended up
But that can’t happen. Life does not work like that….
I […]
Last week I thought I was starting to get better. I started to let go of my depression, trying to live normally and forgetting about everything that cause my depression. I thought I was doing well. But right now, everything… everything is starting to come back. Everything is starting to fall apart again. Everything is breaking. I’m now being consumed by my depression again and I can’t control it anymore. Maybe I can’t ever be saved from my mental illness. Maybe this is my fate. Maybe life isn’t really for me. And I’ve decided, I’m going to end this fucked up life.
3 years ago, i started having really bad stomach aches. i was stuck in the house for 5 months, and my best friend moved away. i had tons of tests, but the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. by the end of that summer, i was extremely depressed and started cutting myself. when that school year started, i forced myself to play a sport (which i became very good at) and the pain kind of dissipated. i lost about 20 pounds, and I’m already tiny as it is, so i was down to about 85 pounds. when the physical pain sort of stopped, the […]
I’m not saying my life experience was the worst, but at this point I feel there is no point in staying around. Side note:My maternal uncle committed suicide, my paternal grandmother’s sister committed suicide, and my paternal grandfather died from alcoholism related issues. I feel like my family is a family who tries to be perfect, but hides many secrets because it seems like I’m outwardly the only screw up. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life. I’ve always been terrified of everything. Often had insane temper tantrums. I don’t remember exactly how young I was when I first went to therapy, but I was young.. […]
It’s just passed noon here and I’m already drunk. I need to write because I’m struggling alone here. I quit all my psych meds and I’m going through some bad shit. I have to stay strong though. Being on meds made me fat and stupid and lazy. I’m tired of living in a fog. I recently read Anatomy of an Epidemic and it’s about how mental illness has gone out of control since the advent of modern psychotropic medication. Big pharmacy companies are full of shit and for most people these drugs do much more harm than good. I recommend anyone suffering on meds read […]
Ugliness Complex I’m ugly and complexed though I’m not that deep
written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)
Ive been rejected hundreds of times in person and thousands of times online. No one wants to fuck a fat ugly depressed unconfident anxious broke piece of shit. I’ll admit i no longer try to talk to women. In the same way someone who can’t play basketball stops shooting baskets after missing every shot. Socially i live in a different world than everyone else. I dont have any social networking. I dont go to bars(panic attacks and i hate liquor) i didn’t go to parties when i was younger. I havent been alive to an extent most people just dont understand. I hate this world […]
Everyones still playing me like im fucking stupid and i dont know anything about it. My mom thinks having a job is going to keep me from being depressed. No, sorry its not that simple. Im starting to hate these people more then i did before. I cant wait untill im gone. Everyone gets a free day to talk shit about me, and they act like i dont know where there going. I dont understand why do the people who are the closest to you, and who are supposed to love you have to be the same people who make you feel the worst about […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Does anyone remember that old song that says “I dont want to start and blasphemous rumors but I think that God has a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing.” Sometimes I think he was on to something.
In the past year life has been such a damn roller coaster. In Jan of last year my father had a stroke (alone in his home) and I had to put him in hospice and he died 2 weeks later. I went to his home and found where he had dragged himself around the house covered in feces […]
I was feeling good until a few minuts ago. My brother made a coment about how im no better then the trash im laying in. I still know they dont love me and they will never love me or forgive me. They think yhey have me fooled but i still know, i always figure it out eventually. They think i dont think about them. I guess saying to myself that it would be easier for them when im not around counts as not thinking about them. I know its true. I always have to think about them know that they will never care about me […]
They say it gets better and I want to believe that. I have fought with depression for so many years I hardly remember before I had it anymore. Yes there are times when I dont feel like blowing my head off. But time after time the feeling comes back. It seems to be my brains “go to” thought whenever Im even the slightest bit upset. I have tried depression medication…. Many kinds…. But they dont seem to do anything for me but make me a tired zombie. I stopped trying to find one that works about 8 years ago.
My husband cant grasp why I feel […]
Things get better, they dont and they will never get better. Looking on the bright side of things only works for a little while. My life has been hell ever since I was 10, when I first started to get depression because of my shy nature and as a result got bullied. Now I tried to tell my parents but they didnt care. Finally found a sollution a few years ago when I first attepted suicide by hanging myself. It didnt work and ended up in a hospital because of it. Now I tried to live it out but no things got worse so now […]