Well I’m currently struggling with alcoholism, I love it so much and hate it at the same time. I’m trying to think of a way to regulate or cease consumption of it all together. I know from experience I just can’t have a “couple of drinks”, I’m an alcoholic, it’s never just a couple. Can’t drink only on weekend because it just starts to extend into the weekdays. I have to stop. But how am I going to stop? I guess I’m gonna have to wean myself off, my current concoction that I usually drink is about 12 ounces of whiskey/gin/ or vodka, and about […]
I’m such a fucking stupid pill-head alcoholic piece of trash. I wish I never would’ve touched the bottle or drugs when I was growing up, my mine has been warped and I just can’t stop drinking. I drink to numb myself and my feelings and thoughts. All I know is that when I’m going to kill myself I sure as fuck ain’t gonna be sober.
I just slapped my 5 year old brother. Before you jump to conclusions let me explain. Me and my older sister just got kittens, they were abandoned buy their mothers and they are only 5 and 6 weeks old. My brother, we’ll call him Mike, keeps grabbing them and squeezing their tummy’s and basically being really rough with them.
We’ll about half an hour ago, he decided that he was the kittens…. father, I got really annoyed because he was being really mean and loud. So, eventually I told him that he needs to let them be (he was also holding the hostage), and he started […]
I hate my life so much.. I’m gonna kill myself now!
Goodbye everyone
I was gonna write a post that explained all the different shit I’ve had to deal with in my life…
….but i think I’ll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs instead!
*twiddle twiddle*
I’m gonna go see Jurassic World tonight by myself..
🙁 I’m so alone.. some one love me please!!
I know I’m in love
But he’s not sure,
I know he hides something,
About his past, he doesn’t want to get over that,
it’s been a while and I know his lost made him changed,
but I know somehow I can make all that go away.
But why does it hurt so much when he tells me a lie,
I want to believe him, but he makes it so easy.
I really know he’s not over his ex,
so how and why can he tells me “I love you” without even feel it.
How can he kiss me, when he’s thinking about the one […]
I woke up quite early today, thought I’d grab the chance to enjoy The Witcher 3.. Turns out I should of slept away half the day instead. I dont know how but my most recent ex came into mind, its been over half a year but still.. Such happy memories, how can I possibly stop comparing what I am now, what I have now, with what I once had… Im over her, but I would like.. this kind of happiness again, with someone else.. anyway I know throughout our lifetime on this miserable planet we have our ups and downs, I’d like an elevator lift […]
I currently weigh 150 pounds . I don’t eat some days just to get my weight down . And when I do eat I count the calories .. Does it have to be so hard ? I want to cut all the fat off my body … And see my bones and collarbones and my hips.. I don’t want my stomach to fold when I sit down.. Or people to call me fat any more. I don’t love my life, I don’t love my body, I don’t love myself… When are things gonna get better?
I sit at home alone everyday .. When my sister gets home she bombards me with nasty comments about how I do nothing with my life and I sit on my fat ass all day .. Sometimes she calls me a depressed annoyance and how one day shes gonna slap me.. Maybe I should just kill myself . its not like they are gonna miss me. My mom constantly yells about how the dirty dishes need to be done while I’m thinking about how I should kill mysf tonight . I’m tired all the time… I have no friends. . is it true that it […]
Hey (goodbye).
I’m kinda messed up right now, I’m feeling pretty bad though I could probably stop feeling this way; I just don’t want to. I’m not sure why but I kind of enjoy feeling sad, I guess in the same way that I like self-harm; maybe it’s the same thing. This probably isn’t healthy but I’m not, so it might be alright. I guess I’m just fucked, I hate myself and I think I might kill myself tomorrow not that it matters.
I’ll go to the student services room at school, sign off there, catch the train home and hang myself.
I’m sure it […]
I’m gonna fucking kill myself soon, I almost did today, but like all the other times I backed out because I’m a fucking failure and a coward. I’m sorry to everyone for having to know that I exist, but don’t worry because I’m going to be gone soon.
Why do people have to be so mean. Every time i let someone in they always have to hurt me. I hate it how people always say they there gonna be there for me and once they see that i really do care about them they just leave. I just wanted a friend but they eventually just leave, but then they say life is worth living. i just want that oe person who will say they wont leave and then they do. my mom prefers weed ad meth so she’d set me away to my step dads who loves going to the bar. But i […]
So me and my momma aren’t talking. Well I’m not talking to her. My depression really affects her the worse. She’s seen me at my worst and in rehab. I’ve fought her. We argue like crazy and I’m not very respectful. I mostly take all my anger out on her because of some childhood shxt that I won’t get into. Point is we aren’t talking because she said I don’t respect her. Which is 100% true.
I’m gonna break this down. Imma horrible fckn person. I cut myself. I’ve tried to kill myself. I don’t bellieve in myself. I don’t love myself. So how […]
They say it’s okay.
That it’s gonna get better.
They don’t understand.
They think it’s a phase.
That we’re just overreacting.
They think we’re okay.
They see the fucking signs,
They just don’t care.
They don’t hear the voices.
They don’t feel the pain.
They don’t know.
And we won’t tell.
I am so sick of people thinking I know of what i want to do but that isn’t the only thing. I wish he would get that through his god damn thick skull. I lost all interest and passion in broadcasting. It was fun and interesting 7 years ago but this semester ruined it for me in a radio class I took. All I wanna do is be an artist be able to express myself through my art work and make a living out of it. But the chances of that are slim… The argument got so nasty last night by the end of the […]
Fuck N Die (I wanna) Fuck N Die (We gonna ) Fuck N Die (I’m a Goner)Fuck N Die (I dont wanna live no longer) imma bout to bust inside never before have I felt so alive I can see my life flashing right before my eyes as I slide my hand ever so gently across your thighs you got me feeling all warm and fluffy inside it got you hot,wet and moisturized and for a second you even got me forgetting that I’m wanting to die but I’m sure it will all come back in due time ,until then it’s game time the balls […]
I can keep it together for pretty long. Sunglasses on, hair down, blank fuckin stare.
Threw up “mop that shit up with your hair *****, i want you to get on your fucking knees and mop it up. You’re lucky i dont make you eat it.”
Lol. Call me a monkey, I love monkeys, im a ****, i love that word, very empowering.
Keep it together, don’t laugh, for gods sake don’t cry. I’ll be laughing when I’m selling my engagement ring. I’ll […]
It makes me very sad thinking about dying, but it makes me even more sad thinking about carry on surviving this life day after day… I can’t deal anymore with this pain, pain for the things I lost (my love, my family, my self esteem, my happiness) and pain for the regret that it was all my fault. It was all my fault and I could have avoided it easily. I am just weak and unwise.
The things that is stopping me from ending this agony are the consequences for those who will stay. How can I do something like that to my family? I already […]
And I can’t make myself study for any of them, I just don’t have the energy. It takes every bit of strength I have just to climb out of bed in the morning. This is bullshit, I’m thinking this summer will be my last. I’m gonna go visit some family on the other side of the country, come back to CA to pick up my crossbow and hike far enough into the woods that the smell of my rotting corpse won’t bother anyone, then I’ll put a bolt through my skull. May seem excessive, but I’ve survived ODing twice and an attempted hanging, so this […]