So let me just throw this out there.
I’m not suicidal but I have a chronic and, apparently, incurable illness that over the last 8 years has lowered my quality of life to almost comically unbearable levels. There are certainly days when I think, “so how long do you think you can endure this before jumping out of a fucking window?”
Let’s get real here – if you were an American being held prisoner by ISIS (or, for that matter, a suspected Muslim terrorist being held at a black site by the CIA) and tortured sadistically and de-humanized every day and was reasonably sure that […]
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Hello all i beleive by the time you read this it will be to late so im just writing this for my family and ill leave it up so they can see. Ive finally reached the edge ive been battling depression and suividde since i was 13/14 years old and attempted it for the first time when i was 13 but i was not able to go through with it im 21 now i have streaches of good and bad but this year has really been it for me i recently moved back to my small hometown about 2 yrs ago after being away for […]
you can call me G,and i will tell you more about me,i am 24 male
and live on a third world country called brasil,being born in the 90’s and stuff i was used to talk with more smart people
the way they dress,talk and walk back then was completly different,crime was “rarer” compared to today,200.000 prisoners in 99 and 600,000 in 2015,you could walk on streets at night without being afraid of being assaulted,killed nor raped
maybe i am overreacting,just because i was a kid things maybe looked different back then or not,but for me things really changed,all this sudden change in the […]
i’m really devestated even though many good things happined during the last periode of my life (i succeeded in finals and i’m gonna go to college ) but none of that made me feel better i still feel like i’m a looser and worthless person even though i see no reason why i should feel like that but i’m so paranoid i can’t trust anyone and i feel like no one love me they are all pretending..how could any one love or even like someone like me and i can”t make good relationships with girls cause whenever a girl date me and be nice to […]
How I felt before
I see vivid colors of mossy greens and scarlet. Mysterious and wonderful lands. Flying through clouds, Purple jungles, diving into white water. Yellow wind. Beautiful people who laugh.
Then I wake.
I wake,and everything goes static. Its all gray. And I can’t breathe. Or think. I want to close my eyes and sleep and drift away into calm dream. Return to the clouds. The purple jungle. just lay in my bed and pull the white covers over my head and forget there ever was a place outside of my mind.
But I’m trapped.
I’m poisoned.
I’m drowning.
I’m drowning.
I’m drowning.
it is […]
So, tonight I go to church with my girlfriend but she seemed to be to herself so I begin communicating to her god sister who made me highly frustrated. So, I speak to my girlfriends friend and so on. No physical contact with any of them, no intimate talk just laughing and having a good time. And every now and then I tried bringing my girfriend in but she just wouldnt. Later I text her god sister apologizing for being sensitive as she told me she was joking. Even later I text my girlfriend and let her know im home and ready to call her […]
You know I always try to move on with my life I swear but the two guys i’ve ever had a relationship with turned out to be wrong for me. The first guy I eventually gave up and let go like I should have way before then. The moment I did that is when he came back into my life. Wanting me back trying to be there and being somewhat of a decent human being for once. I stupidly allowed him back into my life and that lasted for five months until I began to realize it was a mistake for both of us. I […]
I’ve had depression, anxiety and anger problems for years now. I have my good patches, I have my bad. Currently it’s my longest run of bad patch, over 2 months of consecutive bad days no good ones filtered in there, it’s taking its toll really.
I have a lot of responsibility, I run a business, I just received a loan from my parents to buy a car. Every time I try and see a psychologist something comes up, a business meeting, all of my bills come out on the same day so I have no money. The problem is the bad days just keep on coming, […]
i knew it. The only reason that the doctors didnt know what they were talking about was because they were doctors that treat poor people. The really good doctors know what they are talking about, but they require insurance and money. I deal with a caseworker, and she is a very judgemental person. She thinks i cant find a job cause im crazy or something. No, the reason i cant find a job is because i was the only person in my family to go to college, and i didnt realize what to do in college to get a great job. I didnt network and […]
Been drinking since last Friday, taken pills to sleep, got really sad on Sunday.. As usual. On Monday I went to work, Just an internship that after 2 months I realize won’t ever benefit me, a guy that’s been there half the time has already surpassed me by far. I’m above average intelligence, I’m strong, but socially.. I’m just the worst. And that matters the most, you can be stupid and weak but manage quite well in life if you have good social skills. Lately I’ve been seeing how others progress with their lives more clear than ever. I only have one local friend now, […]
Sad that I have nowhere else to vent, because no one listens to me. Hell, I hardly get a response here.
Anyway, I told a little white lie to get out of work early yesterday and hang out with the dreamboat that will never be mine. But I guess I’m lucky I can get to take out a guy like that even if it’s not exactly a date and he’ll never see me that way. -sigh- But it has its perks. I get to be out with a gorgeous guy and he gets to “feel spoiled for once.” It’s nice that we can talk openly at […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
Hi, I’m not an english native speaker, so sorry in advance for misspells or grammars errors.
I have a Borderline personality disorder.
I’m 28 years old and my life is a pain since when I was 10 or so.
I have huge social issues, I find hard to stay with people around without feeling really uncomfortable. I always felt really alone in my life.
Three years ago I knew this girl, let’s call her Giulia. She’s a very smart person which studies physics.
She is like a dream for me. She was not my first girlfriend, but I could feel that she was special. We […]
To all those who are suicidal and read this. Your situations vary, your reasoning for wanting to end it all are different. But, I’m not one for good advice, nor am I happy really. I’ve dealt with my share of suicidal thoughts as well. This is based on my experiences.
So you have no friends, no one likes you it seems. Why? Maybe, try to talk to people more if you don’t, it may be that they are like you, or are just apathetic and need a friend like you to talk to and hang out with. Maybe everyone truly doesn’t like you, which is unlikely, […]
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI)
S to the S to the R to the I, S to the S to the R to the I,
Blocking my Serotonin reuptake to keep me alive.
Mirtazipine, Citalopram, Ventafalxine too,
My brain must be swimming in Serotonin soup!
I can’t just rely on these antidepressant medications,
Gotta keep exercising, eating good food and practise meditation.
See my friends and family and avoid procrastination,
Crack out the play doh and get some inspiration.
I can’t hide it, I belong to the one in four,
I hope this condition never comes to knock at your door.
If it does call me up and […]
That worthless feeling the knowing that its true. I can’t help but to feel so dumb for holding on to hope I should have went through with it. I should have known that it was too good to be true. Now I’m past depressed and I’m filled with so much hate I cant fucking deal with myself.. They say live life with no regrets but it still living life that I regret ????
It’s lonely tonight. I’m sitting here completely alone, no one to call or text. No one to say I love you, good night or good morning. And I’ve never been happier for some strange reason. I’m not a social person anyways, I hate crowds, I hate being at social gatherings, and I have a hard time conversing with people. Possibly I was made to be alone for life. A cold but comforting lonliness at least for now.
Felling much better. happier. healthier. have my ups and down, but its all good. Came out to 3 of my friends so that was exciting and fun. love there reactions.<3 now to come out to rest of my friend. wish me luck
I’ve gotta say what I’ve gotta say, and then I swear I’ll go away.
Let’s see, I want to be a girl, which is still hard for me to wrap my head around, even after explicitly knowing it for two years now, up until that point, I’d started to feel quite weird indeed.
I felt numb/drugged/whatever, sometimes I felt like my brain was the only part of me that was alive, and it felt like it was burning, I was wondering why I always found girls more interesting company, but not ‘interesting’ company, even I find some girls pretty attractive, but when I’m out and I see […]
Not usually too into country type stuff, but I’ve been playing a bit of guitar myself again recently and this one struck me. Struck a chord, you could say. Actually I’ve been gaining a new appreciation for country/blues stuff in general recently. Just a matter of separating the good from the overly generic.
Something Salt said recently reminded me that I rarely actually post on here, just comment for the most part. So I decided to put some music on and type out a post. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about…well, the general insanity of the world, particularly the blended up mix of good […]