Since there are so many bullshit holidays, imagine if we had a Suicide Day or a Depression Day?
What would normal people do on those days?
Hm, interestingly enough, I’d prolly be out on Depression Day, instead of staying at home, days like today, getting away from all those annoying happy couple-y people.
…from my therapists and I. Mr. Charlie Chow Mein and his slaves um I mean associates Finnegan and Allie Oop-Boop had to be bribed to sit on Santa’s knee. I don’t blame them, I’d require a bribe too. Anyways, hoping the pic made a few of you smile.
Holidays Hugs
Does anyone just hate the holidays? I spend so much time distracting myself with bs at school but when I’m given this much time off I’m left with nothing to do except think
I dislike them, I really really really dislike holidays .
Holidays are days when family members come together and become fake as hell; They act like they weren’t talking shit about each other every other day.
I still have no idea what to do. I want more than anything to see my baby boy grow up. But this pain…I’m drowning. What did I do to deserve this. I didn’t want this. I was there for our baby when he wasn’t. Now he wants every other holiday…why didn’t he does this before the baby? We waited 3 years. As soon as we find out were expecting he all of a sudden hates me? What did I do? I didn’t want this. Holidays without my baby? I don’t know how to do that. I can’t do that. I feel selfish. I don’t want […]
What I thought was going to be a great Thanksgiving turned into a nightmare. My mom once again had one of her huge outbursts and just had to make everyone upset. It started out as a fight between her and my dad, they were screaming and my mom threatened divorce, and then she was fighting with my grandma. She was getting into her face calling her names and screaming. I would not allow her to treat my grandmother like that. I had to tell her to stop. Then she was following me around the house screaming for me to give her my phone. She kept […]
I’m tired. Â Tired of life. Â Tired of everything. Â I’ll breathe a sigh of relief once the holidays are over. Â I Â feel like you’re “supposed to be” all happy and thankful around the holidays. Â Sorry I don’t lead a normal life. Â I don’t feel that way and I don’t want to be forced to. Â Ridiculous. Â So done.
So how goes the day. I have recently been on holidays (May 28th to June something) and within the first two weeks of being back I was in the hospital twice. Once I admitted myself. Only stayed there for 71 hours and like 50 minutes(few minutes before my 72 hour hold was finished, and btw I went in voluntarily and they still put me on a form), the second time was a suicide attempt. I stuck my wrist into SUICIDAL EXPLICIT CONTENT. That time though I went in voluntarily and they didnt put me on a form. Odd indeed. Anyways only stayed there for about […]
Just went on my last holidays, it’s pretty neat here. Two days ago I visited the bridge. The water is almost 4 meters deep and there are strong currents. The currents are something I’d like to have. The stronger, the better. They are so strong they are visible on the surface. The bridge is in the close proximity of something I don’t know how to call in English, but the idea is that this is kind of thing which people use to make water deep or shallow. It’s a barrier for water. The currents are so strong here. I think it will help me drown […]
I used to be so happy especially at school I don’t really get bullied and this year im in year 6 and I really found my true friends I was happiest at school and going to school. I’ve liked loads of guys nothing big just like fake crushes but then I really like this guy called Christian and then there was this little rumour that he like this girl in his class coz he is a year younger but the classes are really close and from what he’s said he doesn’t. but still doesn’t stop my heart from hurting and at home for the last […]
I don’t quite understand why it feels so much easier to write about my problems then to say them out loud I suppose it’s like my thoughts are my own little secret I mean that’s what your mind is for right? A space where you can detach yourself from reality if only for a few moments and go somewhere.. be it a memory or completely make up.. But no amount of day dreaming will save me from myself, Let me start off by saying I am now 19 years old to be 20 in August and have suffered from clinical depression for 4 years, I […]
On TV or in books the protagonist is always described as “ordinary girl”, someone that just looks like no one special but turns out to be very special to just the right boy… People always want to stand out, be that little bit extra pretty, extra smart and just special. I just realised from the very beginning that I had no shot at being special in a good, charming way and extra pretty never kicked in either. I lost the “cute” when I turned about 12 and it just never came back. Instead I just grew tall, and big and insecure. I faked confidence well […]
life has always been cruel, takes everything that makes any good away from me. never had nothing, until i meet her. then just as fast as closing my eyes things had sense. but the way the world is, tries as much as he can to get me away from happiness. did everything it could, our love has always been so strong, but i still afraid of losing  her. lose the only thing that putted me back dreaming again. my luck has never been good, every possible misunderstood that happens can be solved, but not all them.if luck is not with you, one message on the […]
Ever since I was little, my parents have always been different. Harder,stricter, meaner. To all outward appearances, they seem like some fairly-wealthy, friendly vignorons (grape growers). Well if they’re friendly, then they probably just dont like me. Preposterous you say? Your parents LOVE you you say?
No, they dont. Not mine at least. For years ive always been that useless, dumb child that they cant stand the look of. No matter how friendly i am, how well i achieve or how much i help them, i get more crap. Im not dumb and im not useless. But they think I am. Any thirst for knowledge […]
I’m fairly new to these kind of sites so i’m sorry if this post isn’t perfect, but I could do with some help..
Since about June 2012, I’ve been battling with depression, and not the stereotypical depression, real depression. The kind where you feel shitty for no reason sometimes, like there’s no escape, feeling so lonely when you’re in a world with 6billion people…
What caused it? Truthfully, a lot of things just fell down around me: exam stress, nasty rumours going around, the only girl I’ve loved doing unimaginably awful things and saying such nasty stuff to me (many will point at this, but it wasn’t the sole […]
Well I think its time to tell people why I cut and why I think I’m depressed. It starts off like all the rest, happy family, with money, love ect.. When I was about four years of age I was working in the farm with my daddy and my sixteen year old cousin, my dad left to get some food for the cattle, I was sitting on a lump of hay. My cousin comes up to me and starts fingering me. It was not a good experience for me and I couldn’t get him to stop. I think he would have gone a lot further […]
I was physically abused by my brother until I was 16 and left home. I admitted it to my parents, with whom I have always been very close with 3 years ago.
They claim to believe me. The claim to back me up. But after my last suicide attempt, after 3 days in 4 points in the ICU, when sent to the psych ward..they promised me certain things.
You see I uprooted my entire life on the West Coast to move back to the Midwest and help care for my sick father. He’s very young, only 65. But has a host of degenerative diseases. I went from […]
I haven’t been here for a while. And honestly, when I came back, I wasn’t expecting much of any attention. I nearly thought this was going to be like facebook, with people saying ‘oh u shuldn’t b sad all the time u shuld b happi!’ but no.
Instead? People are supportive. Encouraging to live, not die. I was wrong about this place. Maybe this is a new leaf being turn? Or some sort of phrase like that, I don’t know..
But for those who are/may be concerned, life has gotten to a standstill. I’m neither happy nor sad on this year’s holidays. Maybe it’s for the best […]
This past month ive had a relapse of depression. I was depressed as a kid (age 7-10) and now I’m depressed again (age 15). The reason for my relapse is frustration and stress at school with grades and such. It has escalated so quickly. I think of suicide most of the time. Today at school when i was walking in the hall i saw a sign out of the corner of my eye and one of the words read “Suicide” and did a double take and the word was gone. I guess i hallucinated. Anyway, i was never diagnosed with depression and i want to […]
My hanging is still a plan. When I will go through with it is undecided. It will not be now. I have too much to do for the holidays, and things that i must deal with and take care of.
I have an ex that i need to deal with when the new semester starts in a few weeks.
I NEED to deal with that before i can leave this earth.
The hardest part though will be hurting my mother… She is the only thing that will hold me here.. ( ill write about her later if your curious)
But i am not worrying about that now, because for […]
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