Lets see…
…where to start
. . .
I am constantly told what I should be, what I should do, who I ‘am’. What is expected of me. and I am NONE of those things. I am not actively suicidal, I am just hoping that life kills me. I am not motivated. I am not looking to improve my life.
So about six weeks ago, I took an overdose. Clearly, it didn’t kill me, lol. Since then I’ve been overwhelmed with people trying to help. Counselling, reviews, going through my post.
I had an assessment yesterday. I guess breaking someone down into tiny little pieces is a good way of hammering it home that they’re not really in a good place. Ha. No, I’m sure that man was only trying to do his job, the only way he knows how, and I guess it’s whoever taught him that’s to blame.
He wanted to know if I would like to see the self-harm team. No. I think I […]
My bed is warm and safe. I like to be in bed because then I can hide away from the world.
I can dream and do all the things in my dreams that are virtually impossible (at least at the moment) in real life.
My cat sleeps on me and comforts me. I can play my 3DS and get lost in computer game worlds.
Sometimes, I get anxious and scared if I’m not in bed. I feel guilty because I feel as if I am wasting my life. But I don’t get any pleasure in going out where I live. It reminds me too much of the horrible […]
Dear all,
I got the first email which someone had asked for help. Someone cannot take Depression anymore and wished to erase herself from existence. Due to privacy, I will not disclose the name. I wasn’t sure of what happened but I have replied the email, hoping to hear from the person soon. I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist; I do not have the expertise in medication or knowledge of how to deal with Negativeness and by that, Depression or any of the problems that many are facing. I can only be a reader and/or a listener of your problems and challenges faced, be it created […]
As promised Whiskered, hoping your day is gentle.
Love yourself, be kind to yourself.
HDS
For those 4 years I’ve been biding my time, laying around, pushing myself through the dense air with no reason to do so other than just to play the part of my obligation in which I do not want. I wanted to leave 4 years ago.
I only walk through this air hoping it brings me closer to the precipice for my end.
I don’t want to leave a huge mess for someone to clean up or a body for someone to bury, but I want to leave. What am I supposed to do? Live on the obligations of others?
I don’t want to live my life […]
I was directed your way for finding an old user called Stabby Mike. I ran across his party posts a while back and they really helped so I was more or less just hoping to say thank you. Any info would be very helpful. Thanks!
Hi. I haven’t used this site in a very long time. Long enough to forget my password and to have to create a new account. I came here cause I felt alone. Wanted to die. Shocker I know. But I came across this post. A party post. I can’t recall the user who held it. But it made me feel apart of something. Feel included. More than I had in a long time before. I feel awful for not remembering the user. That user and others impacted me greatly that night. I’ve looked thru the site for that post again but couldn’t find it. Deleted i’m […]
she’s hopless
she lies to keep herself alive
no one bears to see her pain
breaking everyday
everything is broken before her eyes
she feels trapped and hidden
no ones out to hear her
shes gave up so many times
its a dream for her to never wake up again
God if your really up there help her disappear
what’s left of me here?
just a brighter world and less fear
she wishes all day she can suddenly die
hoping for a way out of this hell hole
hoping someone can understand her pain
So, I’ve mostly been coming here, just to make jokes and poke fun. Truth is, I’m losing. I have a taste of fun here, that’s all.
Fuck. Trying to think of what to say….
Wake up every day, hoping today’s the day. Hasn’t been yet.
I set my date or whatever, but, fuck plans and schedules.
I’m not concerned with being considerate in my death. Fuck em.
Always a reason. Always a hope. Always a dream.
So , when it’s time, it’s time. Probably won’t say goodbye. Not going to make a big deal. Guess it’s unfair to those here I click with. I’m […]
you know when you already know that your life is going to end prematurely not sure when but you know deep down it will happen sooner or later because life isn’t for you and you have no plans for life either and your drifting though each day and it’s getting harder and harder to bare and you sit there thinking why didn’t my first attempts work and since then your trying to find a more successful method but it’s hard to choose which way you would like to go out hoping u find the courage to go though with it
when I was a teen I […]
I’m trying to quit only because if I carry on this way people are going to notice eventually. No one knows but my therapist, who I told because I can’t make myself stop and am hoping she can help me stop. But I love it so, so much. I love the pain and watching the blood, I love feeling like for once I’ve done enough, I’ve made up for my mistakes, I love having flexing my arm during day-to-day life later and having it twinge, I love it all. The only nuisance is people noticing. If not for that I could probably sit and cut […]
You managed to wake me up at 6:00 a.m. Because you couldn’t sleep and couldn’t find pills. I was in a dead sleep which is rare for me to come by in this house. Now I can’t fall asleep again. I’m wide awake and afraid to sleep. I even got out of bed to help you find the pills. I was so drowsy that I forgot where I put them. You found them in your room after running around the house looking. I was asleep. You could have let me sleep. I even got up and put on another layer of clothes. I hate sleeping […]
I’ve struggled with depression, insecurity, and severe anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember. My first appointment with a therapist occurred when I was 10 years old, I’m currently a sophomore in college. My depression comes and goes but I feel like it’s just been around for a while this time and it’s worse than ever before. I’ve never really struggled with suicidal thoughts, until just recently. The thing about it is: I do not want to die, I just have no desire to live. I don’t truly believe I could go through with killing myself, but I can’t stop thinking about it. […]
It really helps me so I’m really hoping it will work on you guys too Xx
This is the first time I’ve included a link to some music, so I’m hoping I’ve done it the correct way so you can play it ok at your end.
It’s by a Canadian singer/songwriter called Billie the Kid. The title of my post is the title of her song.
K
You lay awake in bed at night wondering where every little thing went wrong.
You create amazing friendships hoping they will spark into something intimate. You spend days, weeks, months and occasionally years talking to someone only to one day realise the effort disappears and you find that you are now the instigator. They never message you first, or call or whatever. It’s up to you.
Then one day you decide “okay, I’m not going to start the conversation this time. I will wait for them to instigate it.” Next thing you know you it’s been a few days and then weeks and months and you realise […]
I go into the hospital tomorrow morning for some tests.
One of them is a dexamethasone suppression test to see if I have Cushing’s Disease, the other is to see if I still have Osteomalacia. (Not osteoporosis but osteomalacia).
I’ll find out the results next week, plus I’m hoping they’ll start investigating the tumor in my head which showed up on the x-ray about 2 years ago. (Yeah, they’re taking their time with that for some reason).
If the worst-case scenario happens with the tumor, I may not even have to worry about suicide after all.. my body will self-destruct all on its own.
Still can’t decide whether that […]
Yeah so this community just seems established and I just kind of feel like I’m in the background with the right qualifications but not really fitting in. I don’t know why I even came here to begin with, I knew it wasn’t what I hoped it was but I stayed hoping, well I don’t even know what I was hoping for. I wouldn’t bother commenting on this either if I was you, I’ll be closing my browser after I publish this.
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