Today I burned my arm over the boiling kettles steam it hurt and still stings but I like it now its something to occupy my mind and its not like a normal pastime or anything and now I feel like I wanna start harming again to feel the pain and take my mind somewhere else for a while this may be good or bad not too sure yet.
I continuously wonder what I did wrong to deserve all of this pain. I’m so sorry for whatever it is, I pray to god (not literally, I’m not religious) that one day I’ll have been through all of the pain I can and will finally be happy, something I’ve never gotten, if this emotional, mental and somewhat physical suffering doesn’t kill me first.
I’m so alone, and it’s one of the most painful things to know that I will probably always be alone. It just hurts.
Rant time.
****Starting this off with a trigger warning because I don’t want to make someone upset or make them hurt unnecessarily. So read with caution (Mentions of self harm) ****This is a rant****
On Facebook, a few people on my friends list are sharing this picture. It has a recovering self harmer’s arm covered in scars saying something about them being ‘tiger stripes’ and not making you gross.
I suppose from an angle this could be glorification, however there is also a nasty little note tacked to the picture. Calling whoever does this a “sicko” and saying they “need help.”
All I have to say is… Well, duh? Let […]
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Hello everyone, new to this. Never written in a forum, except for the SW forum on Reddit last week. Basically Im in deep shit due to my denial and stubbornness. I am way too disappointed in my self to forgive myself. I have hurt myself and in the process people that have cared for me.
I just feel I have reached my patience with myself, feel like I cant do it anymore. I cant commit suicide because that would actually mean giving my family the last fuck you. Least I can do is be here for when the shit unravels, and try to take it like […]
At first, I unfriended him from facebook, and that hurt. And it’s not that I don’t want to be friends with him. It’s that it hurts too much that I can be so easily replaced and forgotten. But then I deactivated my page. He won’t notice I’m gone. After almost a year and always giving him everything, I don’t fucking matter at all. All that fucking matters to him is someone being under 100 lbs when he’s 300 lbs himself.
I want to fucking kill myself. Half because of him and knowing I’ll always be alone and half because I’m embarrassed to be so fucking ugly […]
Sometimes I feel like you’re just with me because you’re loney and need someone to talk to when it comes to you, but when I need you, you’re not there for me you just say, oh, I’m sorry, but then theres times I feel like you’re actually with me for me but that’s very rare now.. Like when you get mad that i don’t reply or call but that’s because I’m doing something or helping someone but you still get mad regardless which is something I don’t understand but you can do it to me and not expect me to get mad or cry.. […]
I hate meeting new people. Specially a girl I like. I care too much, my chest gets all knotted. I’m trying to start a new life.. just don’t know if it’s worth it. I get hurt that’s all that happens.
So, I ran away from home because I can’t stand my sister and mom anymore. I’m better on my own for now. I still feel empty and can’t get over my miscarriage. But along the way something changed. I met someone. A guy. He knows what has happened to me and has helped me through it even though I’m really difficult. I have feelings for him now. I’m confused and scared. But now he is not replying to me anymore. I thought he felt the same way and now I feel a little bit worse than before. Why whenever I let someone in […]
I cut while the psychologist left the room. For seconds, then minutes.
And, God does it hurt.
My first step to improvement.
Yay.
*Hint: sarcasm.
So, one thing that pissed off my (ex boy) friend that I still have feelings for… I’m never honest. Of course for some reason he always knows exactly how I feel. He knew that I was crying, he knew I was panicking, he knew when I was lying. That made getting away with saying “I’m okay” and “it’s okay” religiously when I was at my worst a nightmare. I’m not used to being honest with people in my life. I post my darker thoughts here and allow everyone in person to believe that I’m just great. Happy go lucky Brittany so confident and full of life…
I […]
I’m really bad at taking emotional pain, not that people think about that when they give me a reason to be emotionally hurt. It’s really funny honestly, how all of it plays out. I had let a friend of mine close, like really close… We have only really been together a couple weeks, but I’ve had the crush on him and he on me for the LONGEST time… So, ask me, what did I receive somewhere between Psychology 1101 and Accounting 1100 tonight? The “I think we rushed it, we should just be friends” message!
It shouldn’t hurt this bad, but fuck y’know? He promised me, […]
I want to go back. Change everything. There was so much potential for happiness in my life. If only I hadn’t been such a fucking asshole. But now it’s too late. Now I’ve become this thing that I can’t let anyone see. I can’t make a connection with anyone because I have to put on an act. Pretend I’m a decent person, not a disgusting oxygen-thief. Can’t change myself to become decent. There’s some things you can’t come back from. I’m not sure what the right thing would be from this point. I’m guessing it would hurt. A lot. Me, and my family. A whole […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
As tears stream down my face
Your world moved on anyway
You left me at my darkest hour
But I still managed to find a flame
You said goodbye without speaking
You left me there with no explanation
And that…
That is what hurt the most
In a heartbeat you gave up on me
But in a lifetime I never gave up on you
I wish I could forget you
Like the way you gave up on me
Life should be so much more than staying alive. So often, I want to leave, to go on to a better existence. But it doesn’t go any further because I don’t want to hurt my mom & children. And yet what kind of existence is it to merely survive?
How can one even want to cut? A lot of my friends ask me this and i explain to them in such detailed and dedicated way how freeing it is for me.
Cutting may not be the same for everyone, but i can still remember my first time. You know that feeling in your chest when you’re sooo upset you can’t breath. I had that but to such an extreme i was hyperventilating on my bed. The first cut was such a new and exotic feeling. It hurt but not compared to the broken heart in my chest.
The second cut got a little more exciting and […]
Why my amp? Because you wanted to make sure it hurt. To make sure I’d have 0 joy.
Replacement? Ha, far too broke. Official countdown begins. May sound trivial to most you but this is the cement truck that ran over a camel with a broken back.
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