ive never needed someone to give me the will to survive… until 5 years ago. Ever since then its been so hard to stay alive. How do you go on when every morning you wake up wishing you didnt….. how do you make yourself want to be alive. 5 years…. 5 long, painful, slow years. I go through so many struggles and i dont know how many more i can take. When i was around 4 or 5 my brother used to make me get undressed and he would touch me, in a way no child should have to be subjected to. Then, when i […]
I just got out of the mental ward two days ago for downing thirty pills.but no one took that seriously so i was only there four days and one day in the er.today i find out that a guy i liked in high school is in the icu on breathing tubes cause he tried to kill himself and odd as it sounds i wish it could have been me.i wish i could be on breathing tubes dying.no one cared about my flawed attempt cause im a regular at the er if i was dying maybe someone would seriously help me but because i make flimsy […]
Feel so empty each day i get more lost in my thoughts , thinking “why me” i tried my best to think it would get better but i was just lying to myself. I realized that my life will consist of depression , loneliness and hiding this emotions that are making wish of painless suicide. I dont have anybody to tell me that i matter or hear my feelings. Wish i could dream and escape my reality . it is the only way i can cope until i get the courage to kill myself.
male, 29, 130lbs/58kg
diagnosed: major depressive disorder, ocd, generalized anxiety disorder
prescribed: sertraline 200mg/day, xanax .5mg and zolpidem 10mg as needed
i’m trying to get help from my family physician on tuesday. i was in therapy with a psychologist for a while but stopped going because i couldn’t afford to get help, and support my manipulative ex. we have a son. i attempted during her pregnancy and spent a few days with waived human rights in a psychiatric hospital.
in my relationship i was used for money and hit a lot. there was constant berating and verbal abuse. i’m going through a divorce and don’t really get […]
Im just confused with the emotions i feel. Feeling a mix of sadness, guilt and anger. For once in my life i am utterly clueless as to which path i should take. I can’t stop thinking of her and the people around me aren’t helping. I hate it. When people i know pretend to have been so close to a person who died just so they feel better and can get sympathy from others. Well the truth is that you never really gave a damn about her life. I can’t go back to the place i was last with her. I tried it once and […]
ssI’ve gotten to the point to where my head hurts when ever I get even the slightest depressed It hurts so much I can’t stand it. My biggest wish is to be happy. I want a family and kids My girlfriend made me promise I wouldn’t hurt myself. She use to selfharm but she stopped when we started living together and she realized that I cut alot and she wanted us to get better together but its hard for me I don’t want to let her down but when she gets upset I get depressed.. She’s all I have like my mind is so damage […]
When i was six i was molested by my cousin went i was seven all my cousins and brothers where involved then i was raped at 15 on my birthday while growing up with an abusive family i met a boy i fell for him was faithful while he wasnt and he turned to beating me. I have no family no friends and am about to loose my home because some jerk photo shopped a picture a nudy one and posted it all over fb… i no longer want to try fight or anything… i just wanna die im alone and i was always told […]
Pain is thay friend you keep close as you cut. It’s what’s needed to survive the depression. Pain grows and is fed through self hate. Self hate can be acquired through any means, although some self hate is stroger than others’ self hate. The difference between me and you is that when you wake up, your nightmare ends. I used to live in fear of death. But i turned that fear into self hate to feed the mature pain that has been accumulated inside of me since i was born. That pain gave birth to a hate of life and everything that falls within that […]
I am 26 yr old male from india. Lost my parents in 2010 due to illness. I have been living alone in my parents house ever since. I was their only child.
Now its 2015 and i am still here in the same house, in the same city. I have completed my graduation(B. Com) in 2008 and got distinction in Cost accounting. But i was not interested in job as i wanted to do MBA. Initially my father agreed to put me through b-school and i gave entrance exams in 2008 and 2009.
In 2009 i got selected in few good b-schools of india but then my […]
Well it appears this is the only place I have to talk about this. I have no one that understands what its like. I cant tell anyone from the proffesional field because they will just lock me up till I tell them Im all better. Has happened before. I cant take it anymore. Ive lost everything I possessed and everyone i loved. The one person left in my life that I truly truly love doesnt know it and never will. No matter anyway. i was content with having her as my friend but now she is not even that. I dont even register on radar […]
so my best friend has been really quiet for the past month and i just found out why. a kid in out grade tried to rape her on night. i was shocked when i found out. yeah the kid was kinda weird but rape? i didn’t think it could happen in our small town. to my best friend. i had done all i could trying to make her feel better and tell me what was wrong before i found out. i set up a scavenger hunt in her house for her, i told her that i was there if she ever needed to talk. but […]
Im done. I just dont have the courage to end it and it frustrates me. I am just numb to the world and every day that passes just makes me feel less human and more numb. I am lonely but seem stuck this way as i seem unable to connect to anyone even at the most basic level. Socializing seems so foreign, it feels fake. I am tired. I was raised catholic and any faith i had has long since eroded. I wish it were just this one thing but it is not. It is a million tiny little things that just tells me i […]
The first time i was raped i was seven. i didn’t grow up with a father figure around, and i guess wasn’t shown love so i honestly thought that this was how somepne showed you they love you. I’ve been raped three times sinse then. By ‘friends’ that i obviously trusted to much, by my uncke.. all my life I’ve been classified by numbers whether it be how much my hospital bill was, what grades I’m getting or how much i weigh. a few weeks ago i was shown that I’m worth $50 cause that’s how much someone paid to rape me. I’m so […]
I don’t think i can live like this anymore, i’m losing my mind…i’m not living, this is not how life should be. I wish i was alive.
I’m considering jumping from the top of the building where i live at but i should wait until it’s dark outside…
Nothing makes sense now, this is weird
A tribute…
sometimes i wish i was on the NOSTROMO (spaceship from “Alien”)
no wander i have insomnia whenever i do get any sleep i wake up disappointed that im awake and still in this shithole of an existence i wish ending it was easier i accidentally od’d 5 month back hasnt been a day since that i havnt wished i was alone when it happened i was actually dead and happened to be around people with the means to bring me back dont remember any pain or anything i drifted off and came to in a tub of cold water at least i stopped using shortly after but how i wish i could drift away again never […]
Im an angry person at 22 i don’t need a boyfriend or a kid anytime ever till my rage is under control.yet everyday i long for those things or just something I can have and feel this sense of belonging or accomplishment.right now my sisters and brothers are in college but i cant stay a week before dropping out so ive given up.my love life is non existent and i dont know if ill ever have one cause ill eventually pass on if not from suicide then from the damage of failed suicide so thats out.my sister kindly told me over the phone that my […]
Hi all,
I have been suffering from manic depression from decades and I am not gonna lie to you. It all started when my mum committed suicide in front of me and spiralled out of control when work stress gets me. I have had many suicidal attempts , no good at that. The medication i have been taking for decades dont work, i feel suicidal everyday, i turn up for work and put on a fake smile until one day, one of my juniors asked me if I were ok? Cover blown…
Of course i am not freaking ok, but i told him that i was fine, […]
After a suffering childhood with to much suicide attempts and other violence in my family i at age 5 landed in shock. Child protection came in after my sisters suicide attempt but my parents kept there dirty laundry for them self they did not explain what was happening just blamed the kids. Child protection did not see i was in shock thought i was stupid and hard to handle. At age 6 they dumped me by trick in closed house of correction for the aggressive retarded children. 5 Years there with all the torture really fucked me up for life. It was not the beatings it was […]