I was here years ago ranting about how worthless my life was and how much I wanted it over. My life never got better it’s worse now. I’m looked down upon by everyone, I have no friends, I cry myself to sleep every night. I can’t get a girlfriend at all. I want love, happiness and joy but yet it has still avoided me. Nothing in my life has ever gone right, it feels like on the rare occasion I have a happy day, the next day is a completely depressing day. My car I just bought is broke down, several best friends abandoned me, […]
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it all
I wanna live but i cant go through with it but i have to. There is so much for me to hide from people. People ask me if i’m okay I fake a smile and say yes. My collection of blades scare me and trick me into thinking im okay if i cut. I scream and cry wanting it all to go away.
My life has been layed out for me since I got out of middle school. “Take these classes” “Join this” “volunteer there” and I never had a say in anything. Recently I just got a tattoo. I am now a high school graduate. My mom found out and all hell broke loose. Of course being the person that I am I just sat there took all the beatings, and verbal abuse because in her mind I ruined myself. She told me to stop hanging out with everyone I’m friends with, don’t contact them anymore, and she took away my chance to go to Virginia for […]
It’s been a while since I have been on here. I consider myself a suicide survivor. My story is not anything crazy but I invite anyone to contact me, young or old, male or female, to contact me. I want to be here to be your outlet. I want to be someone to hear your story and to pass on my wisdom that things will get better. So please, please contact me before you decide to put an end to it all. I will show you the world is worth sticking around for. My email is 2sadhappy@gmail.com. If you email me I promise you a […]
I haven’t been coming to this site for long, but I see a lot of people posting that they’re about to kill themselves. And then they never post anything ever again. What am I supposed to think? Did they go through with it? Or was it all just a bunch of bullshit? I’m not naïve and I realize this is the internet, but it helps me in my own struggles when I know that others are still out there fighting their demons. Does this bother anyone else or is it just me? We really are all fighting this shit together, just different circumstances.
p.s. worthless_loser73 if […]
Is it bad that I know where the key is at for my dads guns? Is it bad I got a refil on my medicine and I’m willing to shallow it all? Is it bad that this might be my last night alive?
It’s not like with my personality I can change for the better. I know I won’t. It’s not about needing sympathy here or looking for common grounds with people. It’s just to basically type it out because I rather random faceless strangers from the internet to know than the people I’m “close” to.
It all started last week that I mentioned in an older post. I lost my car due to bogus reasons, and then the next day I got drug tested from my job, in which I have been currently using narcotics. They sent the sample off to the lab due to a line not […]
“..lying awake in bed feeling the spot on my chest
where you used to
where you used to rest your head…”
– Being as an Ocean
The Hardest Part is Forgetting Those You Swore You Would Never Forget
This song kills me every time. It was ours. It was one of our many. This was our band. right up there with Trophy Scars. Why did i give you so much of […]
I’ve been wanting to die for quite a while now, and It’s not that I’ve lost all my friends, or that I have some illness, traumas or whatever. And that makes me sad. Sad because I want life to never have started, but I have no real reason to want that.
Well, I hate the options of future I have right now. I’m enrolling on engineering, but have disliked it since the first half. I like music quite a lot, and have tried a few instruments, but I came to realise that I don’t have the time to master any instrument and make a living […]
That is what my love is for you. Plain and simple. I know you will never get to read this, my love, but I wanted you to know that I haven’t stopped loving you even for one second. Tomorrow it will be 115 days since I saw you last. I have missed you terribly every single day. No matter the hurt you have caused me, the pain, the betrayal, the lies, the broken promises. It all means nothing when it comes to my love for you. It is unending. It is pure. It is intense. It is all I have left to give. The end […]
I honestly have stopped caring about what anybody has to say about me . I plan on leaving soon I’m doing my best at enjoying my last days ( but of course I am not) my mom has been rubbing my mistakes in my face and she’s really just making this living hell. I am really not close with my siblings or father because I am 17 and under 18 I can not do as I please. This last year I have been in the hospital twice for suicide attempts and I have been a rebel with my mom …. She tries to control […]
I’m really considering hanging, the tools are easy to find, I’m tired of it all life is just so hard on me,I honestly don’t believe it will get better have lost all Faith and I Hate every fucking moment I am still alive . I feel that my mind is so messed up and destroyed. Why can’t I just be okay again . Why……..
life is still as sucky as ever. i’ve become an automaton, just moving through the motions of everyday life without any joy. my parents still drinking. tonight they’re so drunk they’ve already fought. my mom is so drunk she doesn’t know what she is talking about. my dad was in the room, and i heard her say “what if we had another little baby?” she is 51 years old, smokes, drinks, has cancer, and is in no health to have a baby (besides the fact that she can’t because she’s in menopause). my dad is so drunk he responded with something accusing her of wanting […]
So at work yesterday just before I left for my other job, my mom tries to reach me after not speaking for over a year since her mom (my grandmother) passed away. Ultimately she said she had been afraid to tell me sooner, was sorry for her mistakes, and doesn’t believe anymore that I stole anything. Her husband (not my dad btw) passed away suddenly last fall and her last dog has been sick for a year and will be put down today. I feel bad for her and she feels bad for what I’ve been through too. I also braved it and asked the […]
I just really hate my life… waking up is the worst, coming to a job where you are always on the outside and useless.
My friend tells me I should be happy I have a job… I can see her point but it’s life I have such hatred against, not a job or finances. It’s waking up, breathing, not existing, being eternally hopeless, eternally saddened by things that make others happy or normal… everything hurts and is negative. There’s no “thing” or “sunny day” to change the bleakness of everything in every waking second.
If I were cut out to be here I’d have figured it out […]
It’s been 92 days since we stopped talking, all the nights i spent on the thoughts of her were so lonely and rough to live. What should I do when i seem stop on the same spot since we broke up, since we broke up my life stopped the joy of life left me as she did. 15th of February on valentines day was the end of us. I miss our conversations about nothing. I was hers and she was mine and none of us were lesbian. We never labeled ourselves. Man this is awful i miss her so much and since we broke up […]
I hadn’t properly drank for over three months. It’s not like an achievement, the chance just hadn’t come up recently. I guess it has pros and cons. It’s good that I don’t go out on the lash every night, but then when I do drink I have to make up for the lost time. It’s a bad way of handling it, I mean I could just not drink at all.
But, the thing about drinking is it’s similar to that at feeling I long for to not feel anything at all. You can just lose it all, not have to care about stuff, it’s addicting.
It was just me […]
It comes to rob in the pale moon light.
resistance is futile no need to fight.
All it seeks is your life to steal.
Bringing with it unbearable pain to feel.
Darkness creeps out of the corners of your mind.
Escaping its grasp is impossible you will find.
It starts out innocent, telling you things you once knew were lies.
Unable to see truth in darkness through your own eyes.
It begins to convince you the lies are really the truth in disguise.
Your life is meaningless, how could anyone like or love you.
You attempt to deny it, but you know it’s all true.
You find yourself alone again […]
I am not afraid of death but afraid of life.
I just want to go back to where I belong.
A place far far away from here.
Where no one judges one another.
But maybe, maybe it’s all just a dream and I’ll wake up in that beautiful place again one day.
And the rainbows will cover the skies.
There will be happiness.
Why?
Why am I fooling myself?
This is reality not a dream.
I am alive on the outside but I’ve been dead for so long.
I became ready for death a long time ago but I guess death isn’t ready for me just yet.
I Dont know what to do anymore my life’s fucked no one cares about me and they say they do but it’s all lies! I’m a 15 yr old girl and I get used all the time boys use me say they love me then do stuff with me and dump me I want to start valueing myself more buy all I ever think is why would anyone want to b with me they can do better an that’s because I hate myself · I was really close with my nan and grandad and they got put into a care home recently an I feel […]