Hello. Today was a bad day. I didn’t get yelled at or anything, just an angry look. That just made me realize how alone I am in this. I understand SP will be there for me, but outside of that, I have no one to talk to. I’m alone on this. I’m kind of a disappointment. And they are justified in being disappointed in me. I’m not the most outgoing person and I’m kid of lazy and pathetic. To them they’ve put so much money and time and effort into me only to have me come out as a sort of nothing. I see why […]
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I know I’m not exactly the most popular, the most interesting, the most insightful, or the most helpful. I know I don’t always post that often. I just wanted to thank everyone in the community for always being kind and considerate of me and thank those of you who read my posts, especially the ones that are so long they’re practically a novel. And thank everyone for their sharing themselves on this site and making me realize I’m not alone in this. I’m glad I have a place where I can share my feelings openly with people who can relate a little better than most. […]
Sometimes I think I’ve legitimately gone mental. My mind constantly feels like it’s spinning like that gravity ride thing at the fair (some of you know what I’m talking about lol) but it gets to this point where I lose sense of my own being, and I feel so weird and abnormal, and sometimes like a different creature or a different kind of being. I can’t explain it, but my mind is a roller coaster and I think that one of these days I’m going to completely snap on myself.
thank you everyone for your support. i’m awake now and doing alright, feeling sick but hopefully that will pass soon. this community has been so nonjudgmental and kind throughout this all, i really appreciate it. thank you so much guys, love you all.
as far as feelings… i’m angry that i failed again, angry that i tried to begin with… when did things start getting so bad that it seems impossible that things will get better? my mind is scattered, i feel like a failure. i’m just glad i wasnt found while i was out… i might find my way into the psych ward again, but […]
Does anyone know? I didn’t think they were inappropriate and they weren’t mean or anything. It just kind of bums me out since I take time and put thought into my replies and they keep going straight to trash.
Hello everyone, I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and support the last few years. I have hit a wall and I think this is it for me. The constant pain and suffering… I just can’t deal with it anymore. So tonight is the night. I have a cocktail of sorts arranged with a backup plastic bag, I know we aren’t supposed to talk about methods so I will leave it at that, I’m not sure if it will work but I am hoping it will. This site has been a source of inspiration and just a huge amount of support […]
Hello. This is my first post. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I’m really tired. My parents were having another conversation behind my back. The usual. I’m kind of a disappointment to them. I flipped a coin today to see weather I would kill myself. Heads I keep going. It landed on heads. I doubt I would’ve done anything if it landed on tails. I stopped having these thoughts for a while. They kind of resurfaced. Its been a few weeks now. My head is throbbing. Made a fake email so I could sign up. If my parents found out it would […]
Being alone is fine, most of the time. When you’re focused on something else. But then you get tired, and can’t focus. And you can’t get to sleep. Because you can’t find peace. Because you realize that your life is lacking anything worthwhile. That there’s nothing you can do, to feel part of a group. Because your whole way of thinking is based on being alone. And you can’t give that up. Because that would mean opening yourself to rejection. And there’s so much about you that should be rejected.
So you’re trapped. Telling yourself to do whatever it takes to break through and make some kind of connection. […]
It’s like I’m stuck in limp mode like a vehicle does when something seriously goes wrong with it. Even when I’m not in a depressed state I find myself conserving energy in everything I do. I’ll have a piece of toast for breakfast instead of eggs because it’s easier. I won’t do my hair or wear decent clothes (laundry) if I’m not leaving the house (which is at least 5 days of the week). Then when I do leave the house I do the bare minimum to just not look like a complete slob. It seems like complete laziness, but I just can’t seem to justify making […]
House filled with people, Husband a big family…..but I’m fucking alone.
Physically, mentally, emotionally.
l alone no one to talk all ways surrounded by self centered with greater feeling then god kind of people . thats who I live now and I can’t get away from it no one cares. Im tired and really what to go home. just go home. Please some take me home please .
No, before you jump to conclusions I’m not harming myself in any way. This is about someone who I loved but unexpectedly found out he had cheated on me. Though we never made us dating official we where intamit (kissing, cuddling, making out, I would never go as far as that). He was my best friend, my lover and someone who made me in all honesty happy, something most people can’t do. He was kind in helping me.. But in the end I was wrong about him. He has fallen in love with another girl and still had feeling for my sister, lied and told […]
So I told a friend abut my family problems. I don’t know if it was good or bad to. We were talking about our lives and things going on and it slipped out… She didn’t say anything to comfort me which I wished she did because it’s still quite a new pain. But she talked to me how she is going through some semi-similar stuff too. In the end, I don’t know. I regret mentioning it kind of. I’ve only mentioned it on SP and it feels weird to have actually talked it out. Anyways how is everyone else? I hope everyone is doing well, […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
your still with us 🙂
now it’s kind of creepy because I had a dream on Friday that someone did something to them self I think they stabbed them self with something I can’t remember what happened but now I know the dream was about Ylem weird
it was great to hear from u
my twin 🙂 it put a smile on my face
I just want someone to vent to, but I have no friends, I was once close to my siblings but I think they all kind of just got tired of me, and everyone else who is supposed to be my support system tells me people have it worse than I do so I have no reason to be depressed and quite honestly I have no Idea why my depression started, but I do know what triggered my suicidal tendencies and what is keeping me down and I want someone to listen with the intention of understanding and no just to reply. I want that without […]
oh lord, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore
I got way too drunk last night because I haven’t been able to eat anything all week. Only had a few drinks but I was still stumbling
party hopped across the city, ended up a drunk crying mascara and nose running whimpering mess in my (extremely recently) ex boyfriend’s roommates room with amazing and way too nice friends holding me. broke down because I found out he had taken a girl home last night even though we broke up less than a week ago (1.5 year relationship, pretty long time for a 21 year old)
took my friend home, […]
I am truly alone and one of a kind. Any indication of the contrary is a misinterpretation on my part or deceit from the other party, be it intentional or unintentional.
This individuality is the basis for my necessary death.
My ex and I talked last night. We basically put our friendship on standby. I think that it was a really bad idea to try to be friends so soon after breaking up. I’m glad we did, because I admit a lot of my anxiety and depression came from that. I do want to be his friend, but it’s just not the right time for him and not the right time for me. I feel as if a load has been taking off of me. But I do feel kind of sad about it. I can’t predict the future and I don’t know if our […]
I took too many sleeping aids last night, so this morning I feel kind of awful.
Apparently, sleeping aids do strange things to anxiety.
I’m waiting for a therapist to call me back so we can discuss if we’d be a good match.
I’m so tired. And so scared. And so sad.
I want to treat myself to some good Tex-Mex, because it sounds very comforting right now and I want to eat queso and quesadillas. I don’t think I can drive in this state, though. I shouldn’t risk it.
Does anyone else feel like they are programmed to self-destruct?
Hey you, you know who you are.
I just wanted to write you a little something personal. And no, I am not blaming others entirely for my short comings like you think I do. And I know you say “you don’t have to be like your siblings” but I know that’s just kind of pretend.
Because I know you have done the same shit with them. For some reason they worked out better then I did. But, you told me you’re disappointed in all of us for individual reasons anyway.
Oh and I am sorry for that your dream of becoming rich and beautiful has not worked out because you […]