I don’t have to commit suicide. Â I will shrivel up and die of loneliness. Â Every time I learn to deal with being alone, someone dangles a carrot in front of me, and as soon as I begin to trust they care, Â they snatch it away, and it’s worse than it was before. Â if only I could feel a man’s arms around me, nothing more necessarily. Â But the carrot has been ripped from my soul again. Â Even emptiness would be preferable to this pain. Â Will I ever learn that trust is toxic?
Tag:
Loneliness
Empty.Empty. This void that consumes me but wait shouldn’t I be happy and cloaked with this overwhelming love you’re giving me. But my EMPTINESS, loneliness take over me and these dark clouds hang over me…as I gasp for air…it’s no use. This monster inside me clutches at my lungs and slows my heart rate as the light dims…. Â I feel Cold. DEAD. No I am very much awake, although these hollow faded brown lifeless eyes stare back at you. I am not there to be aware or share in the laughter that seems to be laughing at me. Â I am alone.
from reverse
Hi everyone, here is something that I wrote within the past week awhile contemplating my way out and was going to post it on another site but then got thinking about the Suicide Project. It is kind of lengthy.
Subject: Suicide thoughts; The Pros and Cons…according to me. Â 1/2/13
What circumstance(s) often lead to the act of suicide? Loss of a child? Financial problems? Marital problems? Dating problems? Depression and drug use among many other things. Old age coupled with loneliness and the every day pains that old age brings on. Is suicide truly an act of hurting oneself? In my opinion it depends a lot […]
8 months feeling this loneliness, I feel that the more it goes on the more my worthlessness shows. I have no one I can call a brother, not even my own. It doesn’t matter how many people I am around, I will always and forever feel alone. I start to see why, I’m worthless scum, needy for attention, at the same time I really just want a really close friend. Someone who we can be there for each other. Seems impossible at this point, I don’t see why I haven’t already just ended it. I’m stuck on the thin thread on staying and leaving this world, super-glued and hanging upside-down. I […]
I woke up a little earlier than normal today considering how late I went to sleep last night, I didn’t feel angry or frustrated today but I definitely felt how normally do during school which is like I won’t be able to think or work on anything because I’ve got so much going through my mind like a storm of nerves. I feel that every person with depression(maybe not all) can relate to the shame and the loneliness it brings, for me I’ve been wanting to be understood more than anything. I’ve felt very small and impressionable because I hear things like you should do […]
Ugh, God. The past few months have been hell, even with all of the nice comments people’ve put on my posts. I’m stressed out beyond belief, I haven’t slept in 3 days, literally. I haven’t eaten in… fuck, I can’t remember the last time I ate. My dad’s threatened to punch me in the face multiple times, he’s yelled and screamed at me, telling me I’m not good enough. My grades, as hard as I’ve tried, have plummeted. From A’s and B’s last year, to C’s, D’s, and a few F’s. My girlfriend is possibly going to prison, and I could go too. My best […]
Well I’m 21 years old and seriously considering taking my life. I have no friends, have never had a relationship or even a chance to prove my worth to a girl. I stand alone day and night living this hell I call my life. I’m so depressed, frustrated and the feeling of hopelessness that washes over me is the worst. I feel as if this is it for me, this is going to be my life until they put me in the ground. The older I grow the more the loneliness and fear of being alone grows and it’s becoming a harsh realization that I […]
Well, some of you on chat knows me as CL and I’m just getting to the end of my tether here. And talk about timing. My mother and her partner have just announced their engagement last night and me, my sis and her fiancée only know at the moment. They’re all in their own happy worlds even though there are hardships here and there and there’s me wanting to kill myself. I got everything I need to go out via Carbon Monoxide and today or tomorrow seems like the only times when I get enough time to go through with it without being disturbed. I […]
Hey
This is my first time doing something like this. Not sure why I’m doing it, but yeah.
I’m 20 and live in England. Ever since I was young I’ve been different. I’ve always had a different outlook on life, and people, and so on. I try to be a nice guy, just like everybody else, but people never seem to do the same. I’m quite an anti-social person, so there’s that, but I always have time for people if they need me and never close the door on anyone – until they walk all over or something equally depressing.
Like most people on here (I imagine), I’ve […]
I would say I made my choice, but I don’t think it was ever really a choice for me. I would choose my career every time. I choose success – and simultaneously unparalleled loneliness – every time.
God, I’m fucking lonely.
The pain doesn’t get better. Each day, my suffering seems to increase. I feel like a ghost walking through my life, I don’t know if anyone sees me or not, I feel invisible. I avoid talking to people for fear of frightening them with the truth… if they listen to me, or look into my eyes, they might see what I try to conceal; anguish and loneliness at the threshold of becoming more than any human being could possibly bear.
Last night, I cried for hours, and fell asleep imagining the instant relief of being hit head-on by a fast-moving train.
I have always seen life as a quest. It works like a game plan. Every level gets tougher and the monsters and hurdles get more and more dangerous and difficult to cross. I don’t regret having my life but all I wish is to have someone who I can share it with. I did fall in love and then ended up with a crushed heart when the relationship ended. Occupying yourself definitely helps but the loneliness remains. I have plenty of friends but I miss the existence of the special one. Work can substitute thoughts but not feelings. I don’t know what I feel about […]
Life to me is just unhappiness i dont like being here really… Nobody has done anything to make me feel this way i just dont see the point in a meaningless unhappy life full of anger and depression… Im 14 and most people just say to me that i will be fine its just school and its stressful but school isnt a problem at all. I have friends and family that care about me but i never seek help from them because i dont like contact with other people, i like being alone by myself so i lock myself away.
I constantly question myself about my […]
Tonight I was feeling total despair…..I lost my brother to suicide in 1999 – I was contemplating just giving up tonight. I got the courage up to call a hot line I felt weird but desperate to have someone hear my pain. The guy on the other line said some things to help me think straight. I do believe if we want to go we will. Despair is something that can be so intolerable the thought of not being is a comfort. I do have love around me but that doesn’t mean that sadness and loneliness doesn’t find its way through. Being on this site […]
I just wrote in here a few time before. I just recently was dealt a huge blow my husband asked for a divorce bc he didnt feel like our relationship was going anywhere positive. I packed all my stuff n he helped and moved back home. It’s been a week, today is my birthday. He didn’t even bother to call or text. I’m hurt. I am so upset. I’m trying to stay positive but the hurt the loneliness its killing me inside. I hate that I miss n want him but I can’t help my feelings. I also hate him for not reaching out to […]
I survived suicide 3 times. Â I made my first attempt when I was 18. Â It seemed like a logical choice at the time. Â I felt like there was no possibility of recovering from the all consuming pressures and stresses of life. I tried to hang myself with an electrical chord. Â The chord broke, and I woke up minutes later seizing on the ground and vomiting. Â I cleaned up and with my bruised neck I knew there was no way of hiding so I let my family know. Â I was sent to a facility for a bit where they forced me to eat and take drugs. […]
I’m bi sexual
I’m emo
I’m a cuter
I do drugs
I’m atheist
I’m OCD
I’m bi polar
I’m a lover
I’m broken
I’m suicidal
I’m victim
I’m more things than you can probably count. I know there are others who probably have it worse than me, but I feel like this is never ending, that this world only exists to destroy me. I wake up every morning and think “why am I still here?”.  It’s a good question to be honest. I have no purpose. I’m not important. My friends tell me if I died they would care….a lot of people have told me that before…..and look where they’re at…..gone. It would be so much easier just to end it all […]
Hello folks,
I came here because I was really desperate and thinking to kill myself but something made me change my mind.
What?
I felt the injustice that others want to kill themselves, and the ONLY reason is despair, misfortune, violence and loneliness.
Not a deadly disease, not feeling dangerous for others.
No, just VICTIMS.
IS NOT FAIR! IS AN INJUSTICE
I would like, I want! to help everyone to stay alive AND have a better life. I have to do something for this.
IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.
This give me the reason to live. I cannot find reasons to live just for myself, but I want to stop all this, and […]
I do believe I’ve begun to talk to myself as if someone else is there. I’m talking to a pretend someone who will help me with my problems. Except I woke up last night on the verge of a panic attack with just an aching feeling of grief and loneliness, hopelessness, worthlessness. I just moaned and threw myself around in circles because no matter what, the aching never left
My girlfriend Ruby and I broke up today.
I couldn’t believe it.
I thought I had found someone who could understand me… I knew that she had gone through some tough times of her own. But it just pained her to listen to my stories because it caused her to relive hers.
She wasn’t completely honest with me about that.
I still love her. But she just wants to be friends now.
It’s devastating. I couldn’t breathe… I knew I wanted to die.
Someone please save me from this… I know my mistake now, but I think it might be too little too late. And I can’t kill myself now because […]