I haven’t written here in a long time but I think I might need help. When I started to write I either wanted to feel something or wanted to stop feeling all together. But this time I don’t know whether if I want to feel something or nothing at all. On one hand I want to go back to cutting to see what’s real but on the other hand I’m so terrified that I keep having a nightmare that I end up almost die. So I don’t know how to feel. As well I have no one here to talk to or even understand why […]
Tag:
Long Time
I stopped seeing my psychiatrist and psychologist because I thought I was better. I went cold turkey and suddenly stopped taking 225mg Venlafaxine a day and the 10mg Zyprexa (Anti Depression and Anti Psychotic Medications). It worked. Its been 2 years since taking them, and I think I just realised that nothing has changed. I never got better. Just deluded thoughts kept me going.
If it is any use to anyone – If a doctor trys to give you Zyprexa…. dont take it. do yourself a favour. I hit the point I would take any help I could get. Anti psychotic? Sure, throw me it, it […]
Im 13 years old and ive been thinking about suicide for a while now .. my grandad passed away in april and i was a huge fan of michael jackson who died at the end of june .. i keep crying at the tragic things that have happend to me .. i want to end my life so i can rest forever instead of my friends mocking me and saying that im obsessed with michael jackson .. i cant even talk to my best friend about my suicide attempt because shel just get mad and think im being silly .. ive always wanted a child […]
You can choose to read this or not. I know it’s long.
I’m 17.
Ever since I can remember I’ve been witnessing abuse in my household.
When I was 4, I remember seeing my parents fist fight all the time, & I could never understand why. I remember seeing a few relatives standing in my doorway, but I don’t know why they were standing there, or if they really were there at all. I got my first taste of first-hand violence when I was 5. My mom was holding me in her arms while my dad was punching away at her face. & I remember asking him […]
I have spent the entire day in a fight. A fight with myself, with my boyfriend, with my life. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so filled with anger and hate that I can’t stand to be around myself. This has been going on for a long time. I am a college graduate and looking at med school, but right now I don’t feel like I am good enough to even get in. I am taking science prereq’s and I just got a C on my last A & P exam. I feel so stupid. It doesn’t help that I have an […]
Well, to be honest I don’t know why I’m here. To be blunt some random guy in a gaming community suddenly linked me to this site out of the blue and I decided that what the heck, I’d share my story since I’ve had self-destructive if not suicidal thoughts lately.
My mother was my world, I was not close to any of my other immediate family members. She’d had cancer for nearly nine years when she finally passed away. My world and life collapsed. I spent a whole week doing nothing but lying in my room, I didn’t eat, I barely slept; I simply laid on […]
She told me to get the rant out. Say all things that you keep telling yourself over and over quietly. Half of them, you won’t even mean or believe. Then talk to her. My mom. That’s all I ever want to do is sit down and talk to her. Have a conversation. In the past five years I’ve cut, made myself throw up, started smoking pot, drinking excessively and ending up in the hospital. I don’t know what I am doing or even why. I am impulsive like my father.
No one knows. My sister calls me psycho, I forgive her. But maybe I am. The […]
This is very hard for me to write this out, but I felt I had to just release what has been on my mind for over ten years and I happened to come across this website and here I am, took me a long time to admit that I hate life and to admit I have a serious problem here if I hate life, I never actually attempted to hurt myself but the thoughts are always there and my thoughts are getting stronger day by day, well the reason why I am like this I say to myself is a legitimate reason to hate life […]
i have it good compared to others but i go and try to screw it up the first chance i get
by emily25
written by emily25
I am such an idiot! I see that something is finally going right, then I screw it up! I hate myself. This isn’t me. It’s not who I am. It’s wrong. I know it is wrong. I feel so guilty! Why did I do this? I know what the outcome will be. I have this small doubt still. Somehow It will work out. What if it dosn’t?! What if I lose the few people I have just because I had to say a few things like that?! I know how wrong it is. How wrong I am to do so. What the hell is wrong with […]
Finally, oblivious parents have recognized my bulimic ways and decided to get me help. I’m going to a doctor tomorrow and I’m actually eating full meals. I feel…. pretty good. I thought all hell was going to break loose if they found out, but they were more understanding than I thought they would be. My brother knows, and he choose to just ignore me instead of supporting, but he can go fuck himself for all I care.
My bulimia was the cause of all my strife. I’ve felt happier in the past two days than I have in a long time. Though it will take me […]
Well, I come on here to tell everyone else to change their lives, that you can get past the bad thoughts and your negative crap. But it’s begining to just back fire. I have been depressed and a cutter for a long time (well thats how it seems to me), seven years now. I am nearly ninteen years old. Last year in May I first tried to kill myself, I almost died but my family found me just in time. I tried again twice more but got to a point where I had to accept that I was meant to be here a little longer. […]
I found out tuesday that my uncle commited suicide…he hung himself from a tree. God he was brave and the best person in the world. I dont understand why he wanted to die. I understand why I want to die…I have nothing going for me. I have thought about killing myself since I was 13… I will be 19 in less then a month. And I havent thought about killing myself in about 4 months…but since my uncle did it I feel like I want to again. Like I feel like I gave up on the only thing I have wanted to do for such […]
I guess I’ll start off with a quick synopsis of who I am before I start explaining what is that’s making me feel suicidal. To start my name is Luke, I’m 19 and I live in St. Louis Missouri, have my whole life. I graduated highschool a little over a year ago and I’m currently going to ITT Tech. I’m overall a middle of the road kinda guy on almost everything. B average student, somewhat attractive, funny at times, etc. Just normal.
Anyway as of late I’ve been feeling pretty bad. Actually I haven’t felt this bad in a long time. For some reason I’ve been […]
When i was 12 i lived in kaufman, the best place i have ever been to and lived. I use to get in to alot of messed up situations with my parents and my friends. I lived in a trailer in the middle of nowhere and it is’nt a pretty site there either. I used to be grounded for a long time and my best friend killed herself. I always wondered about myself, what if i wasn’t alive, what would my parents even care about me anyways. It was Janurary 2nd 2006, i was home by myself and i kept wondering if i should do […]
I’ve been suicidal and depressed for a long time.
Today someone said something to me and I thought that it might help some to share it: “You’re not the problem. It’s the people around you who have a problem. They don’t understand you and hurt you for it. Or they do understand but they refuse to accept you. It’s their problem, not yours.”
Part of me wants to believe it. Part of me doesn’t. I want to believe in it because it has a ring of truth to it. I don’t want to because that would mean that they never accepted me… And that hurts…
I created a […]
I am a 59 year old male who just wants to go to sleep for a very very very long time….forever would be nice. I just want to die in my sleep, without experiencing any pain.
If I were to die right now, I could honestly say I have lived my life to the fullest given certain constraints. You see, I was born with very bad asthma back in 1949. Back in the 50s, doctors didn’t know what to do with us children with asthma. So they made us stay in our beds, put a big piece of plastic over the bed, and pump in oxygen. […]
I’m 23, gay male and miserable a good deal of the time. I feel like I have no right to be so unhappy when I have so much going for me, but rather than feel guilty, I feel like, it’s not fare. Why would someone, God, Fate, Karma, whatever, give me so much to enjoy and so little capacity to enjoy it. I walked home alone tonight from a big drag show where everyone was having a good time. On the way out the door, I cheerily said goodbye to five friends, two of my therapists and the boy I’m in love with, who only […]
To pull a trigger. To jump off the building. To make that last cut that’s really deep enough to do the damage.
It’s that last moment that’s always so hard to get around.
There are so many opportunities to die. So many. And so easy it is! And yet there’s something that holds most of us back when we get to that edge.
I suppose that’s the reason why lots of us choose pills instead of more direct means… It’s hard to actually take action to be physically destructive to the self in a final way. But pills? They’re easy. They don’t hurt when you take them. And […]
So, the synergistic forces are closing in on me. I am not in a panic to end my life; in fact, I am worried that I will be somewhat excited when I do.
I have body dysmorphic disorder; people say my body is fine but I do not believe them. And then there is my career, which did not pan-out as I would have wanted. And then there are the bills I cannot pay.
So, yes, I am clinically depressed. I have a few methods I will try when I finally do try.
I just worry. That whole “accept Jesus” thing. It is upsetting to me, ultimatums, you […]
It saddens me to see these young kids considering suicide as an option. You have a long time left to live and you’ve got rampant hormones. You need to ride it out and see what the future provides.
Sadly I have seen what the future provided and now that I’m 45, I’m not sure I want to continue. I’m going on my second divorce. I haven’t had a sex life in 20 years. I spent 10 of those years looking for the right woman and 10 of them married to the wrong woman. The prime of my life has passed me by and I got robbed.
The […]