You
know when u really trusted someone and then they say they trust you and all of
a sudden they stop talking to you because of someone else. Honestly I donââŹâ˘t
know what to do anymore. Im getting attacked left, right and center, by this
girl. I trusted him with things that I would never trust anyone with. He played
with my heart and said he was only talking to her because he was trying to be
the good mate. Now I feel like I was used just for his pleasure.but now I feel
down because I really found out who it was attacking me. […]
Tag:
Long Time
i have always been depressed, always have had more bad days than good. for a long time i though if i could change something, just get away. things would be better elsewhere. ive now been to 9 states and 5 countries and can never escape the sadness. the only thing stopping me from ending it now is the love of friends and family. now i feel i must run away, not to feel better but to ĂÂ get far enough away where i can be free enough to do what i need to be truly happy. to die
all of my ââŹĹfriendsââŹÂ couldnââŹâ˘t care about me and recently iââŹâ˘m realizing that. i lost one of my ââŹĹclosestââŹÂ friends last thursday because he called me a self-centered b**** and claimed heââŹâ˘d been there for me through everything and i hadnââŹâ˘t given a f*** about him once and never did for anybody. for once, i actually stood up for myself and told him that he was wrong and that sparked things. now weââŹâ˘re not talking.
i miss days from school a lot too and not once has anyone asked in the past few months where iââŹâ˘d been or if i was alright. they donââŹâ˘t even care. […]
To that little girl, smiling from ear to ear, with no worries on her mind and no demons in her head? Where’s the girl whose smile would light up a room, who laughed like there was no tomorrow, who would spend hours jumping in the rain, where’s the girl who enjoyed life?
What happened to me, what’s wrong with me? Now I am waiting to die, every second of every day just waiting. I’ve been waiting for 4 years now, when will it finally come to an end?
“When you grow up, your heart dies.”-The Breakfast Club.
I wonder where I would really go if were to commit suicide today…I guess I fear the unknown , I might’ve killed myself a long time ago if I knew where I was going…I don’t have enough “faith” to beĂÂ atheist or christian.But I do believe in ghosts , Once IĂÂ ĂÂ heard something whisper call my name or I feel like something’s watching me (especially when I’m alone)ĂÂ . And once I had this dream that I was in a dark place and I felt something reach for my stomach and then I woke up my stomach felt weird…
Anyway I think I should becomeĂÂ atheistĂÂ or christian but I don’t […]
It’s weird how calculated I’m being about my own need to take my own life. The reason I’m here in the first place is because I have so many emotions I can’t control/deal with anymore. And here I am thinking of all the things I need to get in order before I go. I need to get a job and pay off my student loans so my parents aren’t left with grief AND debt. I need to leave them all my passwords. I need to get my room in order and get rid of as much stuff so they don’t have to go through everything […]
recently I just broke up w my chick.. cuz i showed her my depressive side.. and she couldn’t accept it and felt very uncomfortable.. well breaking up w her was one of the worst and traumatic experiences i have gone through in a very long time.. but now i feel better!
I learnt a lot from it.. and I wish that I was feeling this calm and relaxed about my life when I was still dating her đ
I felt that after breaking up.. that I really needed to change myself and the way I think and behave on a day to day basis.. I have […]
It’s been such a long time
Since I’ve felt this stinging sensation
Of ice cold metal and lurid fascination.
Deep down inside, I know it’s wrong of me.
But you don’t see, and that’s okay.
Where do you go from here?
When there’s nowhere to go but down.
Lost within the confines of your mind.
Oh sweet insecurities and deafening possibilities
Of how everything could end…
How would you say goodbye?
To the ones who stood by your side,
Who you thought always hated you
And left you with your crippled self?
How would feel on the day
What more do you have left to say?
The […]
Has anyone ever kept years worth of emotion bottled up to the point where you’re afraid to release it anymore? to the point that you feel every ounce of rage you can muster suddenly flare whenever the slightest thing irritates you?
This is my third post. It’s been a couple weeks since my last and I’ve gotten a bit better; my first two posts would’ve persuaded any psychiatrist I was ready and willing to commit suicide. I’ve gotten better. Things have started looking up a bit. But that pain still lingers. And with it, an anger I can’t even begin to describe. All my life I’ve […]
I think this is the beginning of the end. My 15th birthday was almost a month ago, I wasn’t ever suppose to make it that far. I’m suppose to be dead, I want to be dead. It’s the summer where I live and everyone seems to be having the time of there life, everyone except me. I don’t leave my house, my bed to be more specific. I don’t need to leave the house in order to feel judged, I’m my worse critic. I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, I’m nothing that anyone wants. I don’t even like myself, let alone love myself. […]
I know genreally pill overdoses fail and such but mine is well backed up my extensive research so its not a option. I know there is the chance i will end up in hostipal in agnosing pain as my liver will be completly destroyed after 200 pills of these kind but thats a risk im willing to take. Hanging was my go to for a long time but I just cant bare for my parents to hear “your daughters hung herself” its just too brutal exleast this way they will get to be by my bedside in hostipal. It pains me to be typing this […]
Everywhere I go, every place I look, I see people. I see love; I see happiness. I see what could be best described as a form of ignorant euphoria. Guys strut through the malls with their girlfriends, people just sort of hang out around places. Fuck. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever know. What I do know is that I am feeling a sort of pain that cannot be rectified, minimised, or mitigated, due to its constant presence.
I will never experience love beyond that of my few friends, or that of my parents.
To be perfectly honest, I’m tired of my parents, particularly my […]
So last night was completely shitty. As usual I went on a website where I have a fair few friends, and started talking. But, something seemed off about this particular friend, so I told her. She’d said that she was acting like it because she didn’t want me to kill myself [ I had told her of my plan a couple days prior to this and also had the date on my profile for my other friends to see ].
I explained that I was hurting and didn’t know what else to do, to which she replied with she ‘didn’t care’ and said she ‘shouldn’t have […]
Bare with me, I don’t do this kind of thing a lot. Ever, really. I’m 15, female. I started cutting when I was 12. My mom and older brother were fighting all the time, not like arguing either, like throwing chairs at each other. He hit her and made threats. I didn’t feel safe. He pushed me around a little but nothing major. My mom was also mostly living with her abusive boyfriend at the time, staying at his house with his family. I hated that. She left me home with my Bi-Polar drugged out father and younger brother, whom I basically raised. After several […]
Trying to kill myself was the best thing that couldââŹâ˘ve happened. Because if I hadnââŹâ˘t tried to and if I hadnââŹâ˘t failed, I wouldnââŹâ˘t feel the urge to change how I felt and I wouldnââŹâ˘t have gone to Four Winds. It was tricky, I had just enough of the Nortatryptaline to go into coma but I just ended sleeping for a straight 48 hours. I then didnââŹâ˘t leave my house for an entire week and was drinking so much, I decided physical pain would have been the answer to everything. I cut the word help into my arm and cried myself to sleep that night. […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
I have been lost for such a long time.ĂÂ I sometimes think it started the day my mother died but that isn’t it.ĂÂ ĂÂ Or the day I asked for helpĂÂ the first time I tried to kill myself, and the military discharged me instead.ĂÂ I really don’t know where I went wrong.ĂÂ It seems when I ask for help, or try to talk about it, people either don’t want to listen or don’t believe me.ĂÂ I mean really, how can someone my age be going through this.ĂÂ I am the one who has these feelings and I struggle to believe it myself.
I left my life aĂÂ 5 years […]
This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
Well, I don’t know how to exactly go about this. I’ve never told exactly what happened to me to a lot of people….but I guess I can start now. This may be long to some people and for that, I am sorry. If you don’t want a sad story about a dying girl, I would move on. Well….here we go.
I was raised in a small town in the midwest. I’ve gone to the same schools my whole life. My life was good. Everyone’s is for awhile. Then, something changed. 6th grade changed everything.
I had always been bullied. By a girl here and there, a boy […]
i’m male and in my mid-twenties, and have lived long enough now to have seen friends, family members, and others around me make something of themselves, but i never did. i attended college on and off for years after high school, but never attained a degree. i dated pretty and nice girls, but can’t say any relationship i’ve been in lasted long or was meaningful. i’m lonely and have been for a long time. if i try to meet girls, i worry about being hurt again and doom myself to failure. i want to finish my degree, but feel that the only way to do […]