dear mom dad if they take me away for trying to kill myself this time or if get what i want and die your just going to have to deal. Im tired man im just really tired.Sick of never feeling happy no matter what i do sick of relapsing.Sick of medication.sick of therapist always canceling.
well im done know it wasnt your fault but rather all mines cause i didnt try hard enough.maybe ill get my wish this time and regret what i did.Maybe ill back out of this thing monday but i very much doubt it. Theres a lot of bad things happening […]
Tag:
Medication
So it’s been a while since I’ve posted… Hope everyone’s surviving. Overall, I’ve been ok. Since my last post, I’ve been in therapy to attempt to put an end to my cutting. I had been clean for 3 months. A few days ago I cut for no reason, absolutely none. I just made up my mind and did it. Since then, I decided to ask for an antidepressant and my therapist was all for it.
She said it will be easier to listen to the rational voice in my head, I really hope she’s right. Living has been an absolute struggle. I want to be ok, […]
I have tried it all. I hate therapy. I hate it. I went in with an open mind, I swear. I didn’t want to take medication. And I didn’t want my parents involved. I was forced to have a family session. I was pressured into seeing a “crazy” doctor. He gave me stuff. I never even take Advil. But I said I’d try for my boyfriend. I constantly forgot. Constantly. Even when I set alarms. Therapist guiled me about it every time we met. Set second appointment with doctor. Ended up not being able to go. Now, he says my parents have to be involved […]
I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m so uncertain of everything. My mind is playing tricks on me. I have no idea what’s going on in my mind. Depression has taken over every part of my life. It’s taken over my thoughts, emotions, and actions. I feel like I’ve fallen off the right track. I feel like I have no control over my own life. I just don’t understand. Why did this happen? Does it even matter? If I get better am I just going to fall back down and feel as miserable as I do now?
I wish I wasn’t born. I wish […]
I, like most people here, am looking for answers that we all know don’t exist. Â Despite that we all continue, we push on with blind faith, hoping, wishing, praying that the answers will just suddenly appear before us. Â But I have lost my faith and hope and my wishes and prayers go without response.
I am now 45, and I have been struggling with depression ever since I was 17. Â It has been a long and exhausting trip. Â It has caused me to lose all of my friends, resulted in me being hospitalized for a total of 3 months between high school and college. Â Â And […]
I can’t find pleasure in anything anymore. I was
born a fuck up, and by my mid teens I was in lots of trouble. I tried so hard to piece my life together, and managed to become moderately successful. Now, 26, employed and financially stable, I don’t know why I’ve kept going this long.
I don’t want medication. Sex made me happy for awhile, I’ve done things with women that excited me. That’s about the only thing that I can even get minimally happy for, but I lose interest in my partners, who I generally enjoy submissive.
Every night I go out to my cottage, play the […]
I am suicidal. Because I’m extremely depressed. I’ve been depressed for most of my life. I’ve been on anti-depressants for four years. I’ve gone to therapy many many times. I’ve given up on life, and I want to die. But that’s not going to happen. I realized that I’m not going to die unless of old age or if I get really sick. I just left college, a really good college because of my depression. and YES I was smoking weed 24/7 and I was dependent on weed, but I am not addicted. I was just self-medicating. So once I left college in January I […]
It feels like I died and no one told me. As if a cog imploded and I in my sweet ignorance just continued on my merry way. It hurts with and without the medication. There is no relief. How do people even do this. I rally and step forward only to lose the strength to stand. Am I someone’s idea of amusement, perhaps? A failed experiment of some kind, decaying ever so slightly. Nothing a little spit won’t fix. I’m tired. So tired now. Have I paid my dues yet? I’ve lived enough. Let it end… Please.
I am putting a lot of thought into my pending exit from this world. I have what I need to do it and do it right. I have a departure statement that I am working on for mass consumption, to be posted on FB as a note with tags to a select group of people who will act as hubs for anyone else who needs to know and I have done my personal apologies where possible. I have figured out how to make sure I am found right away by the police and not some random sap that likely doesn’t need that kind of interruption […]
I have a lot of admiration for many of you who can actually go through the act of attempting suicide. I have wanted to since I was 7 years old and have not had the courage. I am now 53 and still a woos. I suppose what it boils down to is that I really don’t want to kill myself but to be put out of my misery. Don’t get me wrong. I have come very close a time or two and someday I may just get that courage to succeed. I have lived with myself for many years and all I know is that […]
I want to die soon. I was born with Cerebral Palsy and suffered all the usual torment from other kids when I was growing up. I struggled to get a job but never gave up. I managed to live a fairly “normal” life. Girls were happy to ride in my boat or on my bike or get a lift in my car – but date? Never! I finally found a desperate woman and married, had two kids who she abused (along with abusing me) and eventually I left her. I had a good job, had respect, self-esteem and was happy to start again. Now at […]
For the past three months I’ve been a recluse. I was in college, excited about life, happy, and i was in control of my depression. Now I’m too depressed to continue school, scared of the future, want no future, and I just don’t have the will to live. I don’t want to continue life. I’ve been suffering and I’ve tried to manage my depression with medication, therapy, and alternative treatments. I’m honestly willing to electrocute myself to cure my suffering. I spend my days at home playing with my dogs and watching tv. My therapist and psychiatrist are pushing me to get back into the […]
i finally found someone i could be happy with then i lost her, i don’t know if it was my fault or not but all i know is that i got too attached to her and now i feel so dead inside, i’ve been through so much already in the past 19 years such as verbal, physical and mental abuse and now i’m on medication that’s supposed to make me feel better but its only making things worse, i’ve never felt so alone and lost in my entire life like i do now if anybody reads this please help me i don’t know what to […]
Hello there,
I’m not really sure how this is done so I suppose I’ll just go ahead and start off. (I apologize if it’s hard to follow.)
Uhm, well, I was actually raised relatively well, all things considered. Both parents were present, working, and in healthy condition. I was also the only child within the household.
Life was pretty privileged, normal, but rather quiet, as everyone mainly kept to themselves in the household. There weren’t any major conflicts or fights, and alot of my time, along with my father, was spent on the Computer, whether it ranged from activities such as educational programs or games or whatever I used […]
I have been seriously depressed for 10 years now. Â I have been planning to kill myself for about 2 years. Â Just when I think that I am getting on top of it all — taking my medication, seeing my psychiatrist, managing my life IT ALL STARTS AGAIN.
I am in a high stress job. Â Before I got depressed I was a high flyer. Â Heaps of work etc, Â Since getting depressed it has all gone away, lost to me, I am worthless, I am a failure etc You have heard it all before.
Now I am starting to have panic attacks. Â I do not want to do […]
Hi suicide project people.
I haven’t written in awhile. I have since my last post, given in to taking medication, and got a new therapist. I am spending a lot of money on therapy and psych appointments and medication. I am still depressed. Still lonely. And the only person that makes me feel better (a little) is not really interested in getting to know me. I am disorderly attached to someone at work, basically.
I have already expressed to this person that I’d like to get to know them outside of work and they sort of skirted around giving me an answer. They are nice tome  at work, but then when I leave work I dwell on whether or […]
I suffer from PTSD, OCD, and bipolar II. I’m also a FtM transgender person. My father died in 2009; I was only 20 and was his next of kin and had to to everything relate to the burial.
It took a toll on me. I didn’t even tell my doctor until 2010, when he put me on antidepressants.
The medication works, for the most part. But sometimes, my depression creeps back up again. It did that two years ago. I had pills stashed, I was ready to do it…
But then an anonymous person commented on a blog post of mine. It was just the first public post […]
A while back my aunt took me to a therapist, for my depression.She then took me to a lady who prescribed medication!God, I was so freaking mad, still am a bit peeved.Since hen my depression and anorexia have only gotten worse,I have stated previously that nothing will help but she didn’t listen and now its progressed to a stage where I’m slowly turning into a vegetable (medical term).Also you might not think this but I’m 13 and my life has completely fallen to pieces.If you want to know the full story then look at my other posts but even then you wont know the full […]
Whether that be through a botched surgery or adverse effect to a medication? Â For me personally my life was ruined by my dentist who removed my mercury fillings without using proper precautions and exposed me to a shitload of mercury and basically destroyed my brain. Â I then got tested for my mercury levels but for some reason they showed up at “normal” levels whatever that means. Â I know I’m poisoned though so psychologists/psychiatrists called me delusional and gave me the diagnosis of schizophrenia. Â My life is over and has been for quite some time. Â Is this all there is to life?
I’m not even sure how to do all this, I haven’t taken the time to read through everything. I just need to get this out. Now.
I think too much, way too much. I’m a 40 year old female who has thought about dieing since I was a teenager. I guess I’ve always been scared to live. I was bullied horribly in school. I never felt like I was good enough for my parents… But all of that is more than 2 decades in the past. Maybe that is what started my depression. I can’t even remember not being depressed. Now though, I’m on medication that […]