Here I am sitting in front of a computer screen, having tears run down my cheeks. I just need to let this all out. I was born abroad and faced tons of bullying when I came to where I am now. Started in 2nd grade and it never ended in elementary or middle school. I never made much friends until Middle School. I was in a clique, were weren’t close; it was simply to gain an advantage over each other for selfish purposes like getting good grades. I saw everyone in a race, in a race of being the best in academics. I was smart, […]
Tag:
Mistake
I never knew how much I hated to hear the truth until now. I got internet at my house about a month ago, and my father just told me, “I knew this was going to happen when we got internet. You spend 95% of your time on the computer.” I told him, “There’s nothing else to do.”
When I didn’t have internet and had all that free time, I wasn’t too safe. That’s when drugs, sex, and just plain outrageous and irrational things came into play. I wonder which one my father would rather have me do: stay on the internet all day, or go out […]
I had my first boyfriend when I was fourteen. I made a mistake by trusting him, loving him, thinking he really loved me. I introduced him to my mum, who was cool about it.
But then he tried to rape me. I got away, but it was too late, he already had taken pictures of me topless. I am not getting them back.
I did not know it right away, but one day, I thought erase my mistake, rub it off, get it over with, so I messaged him on MSN, telling him what would happen if anyone knew of that day. Then he used […]
well, here I am, 15, a pothead, a whore, doesn’t have anything to praise or look forward to after life. I’m all kinds of fucked up, I was always put last to 4 other brothers and sisters. I was raised by drug addicts and alcoholics and it’s  my fault I turned out like this when I was never told aanything different. I was never told about the danger of sex and drugs, I was raised by people who abused all of it, and I’m  the shitty one in the bunch?  Ha. You’re all so ignorant! If  you never wanted me to be so  horrible, maybe […]
I can’t think straight….I’m literally thinking about ending my life. My heart is saying ‘keep going you’ve made it this far’ but In my head. I’ve just about given up…. It hurts me… So much to know that if I end my life, so many people will be depressed. I have a lot of good friends but….. I still feel hollow… Like something is missing…. But the worst part is I’m CONSTANTLY crying and I CAN’T stop! No matter how hard I try!!! I can’t keep living this way. I’m trying not to give up, I’m trying to be as happy as I can but in […]
YOU ARE A MISTAKE!!!
YOU ARE A MISTAKE!!
YOU ARE A FAT, STUPID, UGLY GIRL!!
WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE IN GODS NAME??
JUST DIE!!
THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT YOU, FUCKING *****!!
The voice in my head. That evil devil. That little devil that’s inside me, that’s part of me. It won’t go away, it’s so much stronger than me. She tells me what to do and what not to do, she let me think evil things. It may ound like she is a little monster and yes, she is, but she is also the thing that makes me feel safer, better and […]
She fell apart over a small error
She lives her life, filled with terror.
She cuts her skin, like it’s paper.
People try, but no one can save her.
She can tie a noose.
She can get a gun.
She can find a knife.
And she’d be gone.
She could drown in a tub.
She could OD on drugs.
She could defy gravity.
But she’s no coward.
So she sits in her head.
Dreaming of dead.
wishing to go.
wanting it to be so.
And so she will wait.
And she will take the pain.
She will stay sane.
As the world goes insane.
Ever […]
It’s fine
I’m fine.
everything is fucking perfect.
no.
wait.
that’s a lie.
it isn’t.
and it won’t be.
“comon you idiot, smile. fake it! fake it!”
shut up coscience.
Look, pick your damn head up.
look in his eyes.
comon!
look!
jackie!
“I can’t…”
“he’s crying.”
“i’m dead…finally.”
he’s crying.
no, he’s laughing.
they all are.
they all are happy.
she’s dead, she’s dead, out her ankle she bled yay yay she’s dead.
they chant.
fucking cunts.
how am I seeing this.
my death.
holy fuck am I dead.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
shut up.
no.
I’m fine…
It’s okay…
stop look stop look frees do nothing
look at the body of the dying girl
look at the struggling form
of the girl who your friend did love your friend and he loved her in return
look at the horror on her dying face
look at the mistake she made
to end her life on the end of a rope that swung her this self same day
she knew this as she died
she tryd she tryd she tryd
to take the noose from her neck and end all the liys
you stood ther for a second or too
your feet thay coud not move
you know thows 2 seconds nothing coud make you move
so to this day you […]
Well, as you see: I’m back. In my last post I wrote that I had to take a break and I did. After that break of more than 2 weeks, I’m back again. But I have to say that I may not be very active at SP, because I’m feeling really worse. The last two weeks were kinda horrible. There happened too much to explain, it would be boring if I would tell it all (actually, this is a kind of excuse, because I can’t remember it ^^). My life nowadays is really though, I’m feeling like a huge mistake, worthless piece of trash. Feeling […]
My husband is going out into the field for four days tomorrow. I feel as though this is my time to go. I will have enough time to think, write letters, and make arrangements. More things happen every day to remind me that I am not meant to be here, to be alive. There is no point. No one will miss me for long, people will move on. Like they always do. They can survive without me and I think it would be a mistake for me to survive any longer. I have no talents, no friends, no love, and absolutely no control over my […]
I stumbled on this site looking for stories like mine i was devasted to find ppl contemplating suicide. i lost my fiance to suicide 8 mnths ago we were together 9yrs and soulmates I’m now 25yrs old and left to raise our 6yr old daughter alone i watch her cry for her dad every night as do i. i canot express or explain the pain i feel it is unbearable and to watch your daughters pain wile dealing with your own is enough to make u insaine. loosing a loved one to suicide is da worst way possible you are left with feelings of not […]
Its been awhile since I was last on here..still feeling the same but at least the thoughts of suicide have gotten better. But I don’t feel better about myself at all and its just getting worse in terms of that. I feel like the I’m the biggest idiot because I allowed myself to have feelings for someone that I probably should of, I made the mistake of being friends with benefits with one of my oldest friends. At the end of the day thats all he’ll ever want is just sex he wont want to be in a relationship with me, I mean why would […]
I was thinking today. That was a mistake.
If I killed myself…
would you (my family and friend <– singular) care?
Nah, you hate me and ignore me anyways.
would anyone care?
No. People just naturally hate me.
Would anyone mind?
Maybe the city sanitation guys. I assume my body would just be thrown away.
Why am I still alive?
nothing good ever happens to me. everyone i know hates me. my friendships dont last. people quit (if they ever do start) understanding. i can't trust anymore.
im a purposeless mistake that no one wants.
How…
did i survive? i shouldnt have
could i be so cold while my body was on fire?
come i hear […]
its unbeleivable that today im talking to you all when tommorow will be another attempt that i will probably fail at but im going to try anyway.If i should die.I will probably figure out to late its a mistake and that im stupid.Im just tired of the mindless dysfunction of my life and household. I cant take all this screaming.And i have a therapist who still has not gotten back to me.I just ended today with my current therapist.That alone is a hard loss.I cant take this back.Its been planned and so it will happen. If anything goes wrong its my fault. Im a […]
Someone’s misplaced affection has made my day.
An unknown number’s text wished me good morning and later added that I was missed. How wonderful it feels to be missed even if it was just for a second before I realized it’s a text sent to my phone by accident. It can’t really be for me. It’s like when u see someone waving at you and u wave back only to realized they were waving at someone else. Oh the disappointment and how it melts off the smile on your face.
I hate to think someone was waiting for a text wishing them good morning […]
It’s always a little disheartening to watch your favored boxer slip and move only to step into a hard punch that otherwise could have been avoided if he had done…nothing. Â He would have been better off had he not moved at all. Â And so it goes with life. Â What is the right question to ask here, if there is one at all? Â Is it important to take risks and repeatedly fail, with the very real risk of conditioning yourself to accept it? Â Or was this a mistake, misjudgment or worse- sign of weak character?
Over the past four years of my life, I’ve looked back at […]
Came like a hurricane. Gone like the wind. This mistake will fly. not to be seen again.
written by I.cant.breathe!
Well bye my SP friends, I am jumping and flying off of a tower by my home. this time I will succeed and if I don`t I will once again return. I’ll be alive for until tomorrow. but until then I will draw butterflies on my body and hope to fly like them.
{Caterpillar~Cocoon~Butterfly}
I keep having sudden rage
I want to stab myself
I screwed up so bad
A few months ago i met a girl and didn’t have a condom and I think she gave me something
I’ve made this mistake so many times because I’m always drunk
This time It didn’t end up so good
I can’t tell anyone and there is no reason for me to be acting this way
i cant stop thinking about how bad i want to end my life
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
[Chorus:]
I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can’t you see that you’re smothering me,
Holding too tightly, afraid […]