Things were starting to get better. It’s been almost two weeks since the last time I sliced myself. I finally told my dad to get me a therapist since my mom doesn’t give a shit. I guess my dad forgot about me again. Not a surprise, my family seems to forget about me alot. I even tell them I’m their forgotten child.
I really hate my family. Especially my mom. She thinks it’s hilarious to make fun of me. She’s over done it today. Haha very funny to make fun of your daughter in front of my dad and little brother. I always just […]
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Mom
I don’t really know what to do anymore. I’m done with the denial. I have Meniere’s disease (self diagnosed), I can’t hear from my right ear, I probably never will and there’s nothing anyone can do. The doctors tell me i’m fine, my friends say it will pass,and when i try to talk to my parents seriously about it they get mad and say my hearings going to come back. I’m tired of it. I want to be taken seriously damn it. I just don’t know what to do anymore. All I really can do is wait to get blood tests,wait to get a hearing […]
i was only five when my mom met my step father,i liked him.but when he started getting comfterable around me,thats when he became aggresive.He would scream at me for no reason and tell my mother things i never did.But of course my mother believed him.one day he was extremly drunk.i remember the day faintly.but i knew for sure i wasnt going back to that house when my mother was giving him a second chance.I stayed with my grandparents until my mother wheeled me back home.My stepfather said he would get help,but slowlybegan to drink more.I was annoyed that he kept talking to me while he […]
Most people would say I have a pretty average life. I have two married parents and a healthy sister. I don’t have or know everything in fashion, but I do dress decently. I have some acne. My hair frizzes out from time to time. And I have plenty of friends.
But what they don’t know is this. My two married parents talk about divorce. They fight all the time. Even my mom is a recovering alcoholic. My sister may be healthy, but she tells me I don’t deserve to live, nobody likes me. My clothes have to cover my back because the […]
I don’t have a sob story. I have never been abused. My parents are alive and healthy as are my siblings.
I’m almost sure I have depression, I have every single one of the signs, but I don’t want to tell my mom.
I’m not pretty, I have an oddly shaped face and horrible eyebrows that no matter how much I pay to have them shaped, their just never pretty. My eyes are nothing special, same as my nose, and my lips are incredibly thin. My hair is a ugly blond-ish brown that just looks greasy all the time. I’m not smart, I’m not athletic, I’m not […]
I feel really abandoned. This is related to events occurring months ago, but I feel a resurgence of the emotional pain. All my friends from college save two stopped talking to me about a month or so after I graduated in December. When friends leave I usually let that happen because I know friends come and go; however, I’m twenty-three with no current future plans, so these friends were my only social network. And they just stopped communicating with me. They moved on, so I can’t blame them specifically, yet it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m upset and alone. I’m really well-meaning, and […]
Isn’t it funny how my mom says she loves me but all she does is criticise me? Funny when she finds out that I tried killing myself she yells at me?
Is it really my fault that when I hate my house so much that it is horrible for me to want to move out? Is it really my fault that CPS got called because my stepdad tackled me and I blacked out?
I don’t talk to my mom or stepdad, I don’t want them touching me or pretending that everything is ok. I want out. Is it really that weird that I’m rebelling against them? I […]
From the time I was 2 until I was 14 I was raped molested and took from place to place for men to do what they wanted to me! My mom knew they beat and took my childhood. Then I was adopted at 11 and raped by the boys there until 14.. I am now 21 my spirit is broken my will to live is gone! And people tell you change the future.. Well I cant change the past and let me tell u it alot to do with your future. You look at me and you would never know anything had ever happen to.me… […]
I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if […]
So it’s actually a beautiful day today. The sun is shining and its actually warm outside. Everyone always seem to enjoy the sunshine. People are happier and less annoyed and it only makes me more irritated. It only reminds me more of how miserable I feel.
I cant even fucking smoke my weed because every one of my neighbours are outside. And if I just go outside and leave the house for a few minutes my mom will ask me what I was doing. Where do you go for 5 minutes but you need to leave the house? Also since I couldnt smoke all day […]
And nobody cares. 3-4 days ago i got into a car accident in front my school. I was hurt, and the only people who seemed like they really cared was…my mom and my teacher. I mean I know im not dead or anything, but it kind of hurts….because, well, months ago my friend got into a car crash also. People messaged her on facebook…..Like literally everyone was on her wall post saying stuff, i messaged her asking if she wanted me to visit her, everything. Everyone was worried. but me? no. Somebody LAUGHED at the fact that i got into the accident. He laughed. I […]
Yesterday, I got arrested for obstructing justice. My parents were not pleased, obviously. Especially my father. I don’t have a close relationship with my father, so I think it was pretty easy for him to disown me as his son. My mom tried to defend me and say that I’ve accompolished a lot in my lifetime, but then my dad pointed a finger at me and said, “when the fuck was the last time this stupid son of a ***** did ANYTHING right? Give me date!”. I wanted to stab him so bad… But then I realized he was right. I haven’t done shit with […]
My wish is to not have been born. I’m not good at living. It exhausts me. Physically and mentally. I’m exhausted every day from simple things like having conversations. I don’t want to kill myself. That is, I like the thought, but then I think of how this would destroy my parents, and I just can’t be that selfish. It’s hard for me to be myself with people. And I wish I had one person I could feel totally at ease with. But I think I feel that myself is not good enough, or that I don’t know who “myself” is, and then I feel […]
A boy in my school committed suicide on Tuesday…he hung himself…I’ve been destraut about it since I found out. No one ever knew he would try to..no one even knew he was upset with his life. If I had known I would have tried to talk to him. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember and have wanted to die for years now. Obviously I wouldn’t encourage him…I would have tried to get him off the ledge. He was a great kid. Everyone knew him and loved him even at our huge school. But after this happened it got me thinking…how horrible […]
… ive been cutting since i was 12….when i was little….my hole family got torn apart…my sister died…i was a year old thats when everything fell apart my dad got aressted and my mom left a year later to go run off with a guy and do drugs…year after that my sister was born and then a fews later taken away and put up for adoption…ive been living with my grandma since i was two…and then…my being picked on…really started about say…1st grade i got called ugly and stupid and frizzy haired freak….all names you can think of…and i belived them…i used to say i […]
bad week, worse than most recently, almost lost my mom last Monday, heart issues (i already want to be gone when she goes so i wont have to feel anything on that day) have to go somewhere now, maybe I’ll get lucky and have some fool kill me in an car accident. life and seat belts are useless for me. of course i wont be so lucky, bye.
Done. Nothing to live for. Not going to bother being alive anymore. I realize I have no other person in my life who cares about me. I had another awful day today, and I just realized that not a single person cares to comfort me. I ran through the list in my head. My mom is self-absorbed, and suffers from crippling emotional problems, so she is never someone I confide in because she does understand how to properly deal with other peoples’ emotions. My immediate family are rich businessmen and women, who believe that pain is for the weak. My few close friends all use […]
My mom told me when I lived in my hometown and was not even one yet that when people had a bad day, theyd ask for me because just my presense cheered them up. People always tell me how noce I am. And how happy i am. And how much I fucking make their life so much better. Ive had people tell me i’d be a good therapist, and thats what I should do in life. Im known for helping people out.. But when it comes to me, I get no help. I have tO go through this shit alone. No one stops to ask […]
i have been thinking,i know im to smart for my own good,i woulda never survived through the shit i did if i didnt know how to save my self from dieing of in my case anything,my life is shit,i live hours away from anyone im related to , and they are the shittiest people, the ones that abused me, starved me treated me inhumane till i was 17 wen i was finally taking away perminetly,still haveing attatchment issues and trust issues,vulnerable and always ran into someone that would say they care but hurt me and brake every promis possible,untill i realized, i dont have a […]
My whole life have been a nightmare.. from my early days until today, it all started of with my dad hitting my mom while i was watching. And i can remeber it, but still i feel like i can see it.. during primary school everything was fine, had a couple of friends but not close friends, and now when im in high school none of those ”friends” are there. Im so lonley it feels like nobody knows im ther… everyone is just looking right through me… like im a ghost or something. And when i come home from school i get down on my cold […]