What really is the meaning of life? I cost my parents a bunch of money and feel like a burden on them. I have 2 friends that actually seem to care about me. My work is dropping me. If I end it, i will no longer have to feel this way. People will be sad, but I won’t have to think about it when I’m dead. Therapy doesn’t seem to do anything for me.
(tl:dr- hi, I’m depressed too)
I discovered this site back around March 2018. I used to check it every night or so, just see what others were going through. Since then I’ve checked it now and then, but not much. The only name that still sticks in my head is Clipped Wings, I forget why though.
I’ve been depressed for a few months over a year now, and I think making an account here might help, and give me the chance to help others. I’ve always thought of killing myself, I’ve come close only a few times though.
I’ve had a girlfriend for the past year. […]
https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/PROJ-85.mp3
I can’t stop shaking.
I’ve been lying to my parents for 3 years. They think I’m about to graduate from university when in fact I haven’t been going to school. My parents are so proud of me. It’s all a lie. I honestly don’t know what to do right now. I have no friends, I have nobody except for my parents, where do I even begin to pick up my life? The son that they love is a complete lie, he doesn’t exist. i have had really bad social anxiety and depression that i haven’t been able to even get up and go to class.My […]
To have been broken and fed to hounds,
Restiched and tossed once more. I must find my own paths alone.
For I am too broken to be man,
Too heartbroken to feel winds,
Too thought provoken to be alive.
I question whether I should attempt once more, knowing very well that I’ve failed countless of times, but what else am I supposed to Do?
After all that has happened, just forget?
Pretend that it never occurred.
I believe we suffer longer than others,
I understand you want to better yourself, but in doing that it moved me eleven steps back.
I’ll act happy to win you back, maybe that’ll work.
Because with my thoughts invoked in […]
No life is perfect- I know that very well.
Im from a broken family but at an early age of 5 I have no choice but to accept reality.
I’ve always been a good daughter (at least that’s what I believe). I studied hard for my mom because I know how hard it is for her to raise us, I dont want her to be disappointed in me so I always tried my best in school and promise myself to help her when I graduate.
Now, it’s been a year since I graduated from college. I already found a job right after graduating but I […]
My first attempt was when I was nine, then again at thirteen, then twenty-two and the last when I was fourty-three.
It is not important I provide details about the first two, other than they certainly were very serious attempts, and had someone not miraculously stumbled upon me, I would not be writing this. Despite the graveness of those attempts, no one ever asked me questions about it after.
At twenty-two, it ended up more comedy than anything. The attempt was more alcohol fueled than anything, leaving a huge mess in my place when I woke up.
Fourty-three……. I tried my best, however people again […]
I can’t go on anymore! I feel I’ve reached the end of my road! I’m sitting here all alone wondering where it all went wrong.
37 years old and I feel so Worthless & Totally fed up with life! I just don’t see the point anymore! Why do I still continue to try, when it gets me Absolutely No where!! Everyday is So Freaking hard, & I’m still struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Why you ask? Well, the last 37 years of my life have been absolute hell here on earth! I don’t have anything left inside. I pray for […]
I’m very new to this, suicidal forum.. straight to the point.. It’s not that I am going to or really have the urge to commit suicide. It’s the constant thought popping into my head. I will catch myself fantisizing of the idea. But these questions always rush to mind. Should I end it? What will happen to my boyfriend, family and friends? Who would show up at my viewing or funeral? How can I make the death fast and 100% effective? I’m not sure why I take the time to give deep thought if I’m contemplating to die.. can someone help me understand where I […]
Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.
Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.
I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:
1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in […]
This is my first time writing here and also writing about this so openly. I don’t know where do I start, but I do know when will all of this ends, very soon actually. I’m on the edge now which isn’t so very surprising considering there are about millions who are like me too, some, worse than me. It saddens me that I’m just one of those millions who suffer like this, that I’m only a part of some statistics scientists conduct every year. That I’ll never be someone, I’ll just be a part of something bigger. And soon, no one will remember that I […]
At this point, I don’t even want help, I just want to die.
It’s not like there’s any help anyways.
Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.
I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & […]
everyone told me that being positive would help me through my recovery. everyone told me they would stay with me through thick and thin but they lied so now i’m starting to think that maybe they were just talking in their sleep. the problem for being positive is that there is nothing good about me specifically. i’m ugly, fat, and good for nothing. how am i supposed to be positive when these things are just the truth. and every day i wonder how much better death would be than living where no one even fucking cares and there’s not a single good characteristic about me. […]
It’s not like I haven’t tried to speak my mind to, tell someone. In fact I have been hospitalized for my depression, 7 day lock up with medication and a councilor to ‘talk about it.’ But why did they believe me when I told them it was because of some random girl making fun of me for being gay and trans-masculine. I don’t know why I’m depressed, or why I panic when I’m near people or feel the need to just scream for no reason. Why did they think it was another person hating me when I was hating myself for not knowing why I […]
Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
Human’s imagination is better than reality !
Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi […]
a storm is brewing
dark and long
a storm is headed your way
huge clouds
to stop your train of thought
rain to fill your eyes
wind to stop you from hearing
a storm is brewing and is headed right for you
sending imagination your way
a storm has hit
darkening the world
clouding the judgement
stopping thoughts from processing
people only use the imagination that’s given
killing the happiness inside
A storm has passed
killed minds but left the souls
hey,
just want to share a little bit of my story. Sorry for my bad english.
My father is an alcoholic psycho, as long as I can think. He was allways fliping out. I started smoking weed, when I was 12. I was smoking and drinking every day, since Im 16. At this age, I became sick, crohns desease. Every day pain, like hell… Im on opiate painkillers since Im 20. This every day pain breaks my brain. Got depressed after some years of horrible pain. With 25 I started to take speed, meth, cokain everyday use, in weekends mdma, sometimes lsd, alltogether with weed and painkillers. Every […]
Hi. I just wanted to get my thoughts off and just rant. Anyone else think the house is just a prison? Your parents just owners? Granted that depends on who you have as parents, so it begs the question, if they aren’t doing their job properly in raising a child, why even have one? Like why have children only to condemn them and never support or encourage them? I’m not asking much, there’s certain responsibilities they obviously need to fulfill due to the child’s inability to look after themselves, such as picking them up from school when they’re young. Other than that, anything negative that […]
i’m about to post things that have been going through my head for more than 10 years, but i’ve never shared with anyone. now, why am i saying it here? because no one can know. and here, everyone knows yet they don’t know; and i just need to get this things out, because i feel like it’ll maybe help somehow. last night i couldn’t sleep, and so i was sitting on the couch, watching the sunrise, when thoughts that haunt me decided to keep me company. this time, however, i wrote everything down. keep in mind i didn’t check what i wrote and don’t plan […]
night shift again. it’s currently 1:30am and, to no one’s surprise, i can’t sleep. also my finger hurts quite a lot.
today i finally had some alone time before work though, which i highly appreciate. i’m rarely by myself these days. maybe that’s why i like the night time; because everyone but me sleeps.
life has been very weird recently, but i don’t know why. probably because i’m trying to be a responsible adult who always makes good choices and doesn’t do stupid stuff, as if that wasn’t my life 7 months ago. the issue being just /trying/ to grow up. i think that’s something […]