I don’t have a lot of friends and it stinks because here lately I have needed someone to tell me to stay but no one is there. Maybe any of you could just help me by being my friend. Message me on Kik if you can. My name is Chipmunk0529
“What’s your plan?”
I don’t have one.
“You’re trusting providence.”
I nod.
“You get angry and blow up at the slightest criticism of yourself, constructive or not. You can’t accept any from anybody.” She said observantly.
No. I don’t.
“Why?”
People criticize what they don’t understand.
“Well, you’re going to have to learn. Learn to accept advice.”
No. I never will.
“Why not? You are suffering.”
We all suffer. We only ask for advice when we feel lost. I’ve never needed advice from anybody. Life, is all about learning we have all the answers we’ve ever needed inside of ourselves. Truth is we’re never lost. […]
Like 1 and half hour ago I tried to hang myself for the second time. I got home from work and I started feeling that fucking pain again and I felt in that fucking despair where I just see black. I just couldn’t stand beeing alive. So I went to supermarket and bought a botle of wine to relax a litle before doing it. So I tied the rope around my neck and I tried to hang myself from the bedrom’s door. I was listening to Lady Starlight and I was dreaming that soon I would be in the sky, shining like a litle star. […]
Here is a media story that scapegoats suicide.
https://youtu.be/8Kbv0BeZZSw
I’m emotionally troubled, wonder why, not just an apparition of “Satan”- my call at what I saw, even SPOOKED me at a young age and disturbed family and got a psychiatrist to boot that went as far as my moneyless parent could go for the first born who also needed teeth straightened making mom and pop so proud. It is, all of it, being a greasy metabolizing lost soul on a round ball ABUSIVE, literally.
I ask, why do we have to be screamed at by the media, programmed, policed and end up suffering, all the while others find […]
I have one more piece of paperwork to get done, my Medical and Financial Power of Attorney. The Will and Advance Directive are all done. The three documents need to be witnessed and notarized.
I’ve stopped taking my heart meds. My sleep pattern has become so erratic that I wake up and have no idea what time it is. I may have slept for only a few minutes or up to 15 hours. I cry constantly. If things continue this downward spiral, I will go to the Bridge. I feel like I am going mad.
I called a hotline for the first time tonight. I told the […]
Okay. I’ve never done this before. I’m not open about these sorts of things, mainly because the people that are meant to love me and support me are the ones that are causing me the most distress. Only two people in my life have actually loved me – one changed to hating me when I let them crack away at the surface, and the other doesn’t know half of what the first did. I know that I am unloved, and no matter what I always will be. It’s just who I was born as.
There’s a friend I’ve been talking to about some of this because […]
New start for me, just finished off the rest of my booze and starting my medication therapy of Effexor tomorrow!!! I know I made a previous thread about this topic but I just wanted to say a few more words. I really hope I succeed this time and don’t relapse and that I react well to the Effexor. Big life changes comin’ up for me, now if I could just have that much needed confidence to face the world without fear I’ll be set. Always a work in progress I suppose. Fuck even my own optimism is annoying me lmao, sorry folks.
Just of a bit of let out from all of the emotions that have built up so far. I’m just unscrewing the lid of the bottle and only open slightly as I slightly tilt the bottle full of negativity.
Sure, I’ll play that role of that cheerful friend who is fine with all of your jokes. I’ll be that friend that you can call at 3 am cause I’ll always be awake.
“You’re not sleeping?” She asks.
“Hmmmmm, maybe in a minute, I found this video on the internet.”
I’ll be the one who is always there to stay quiet at the times needed, I won’t ask why you’re […]
This morning, early of course, I don’t get much sleep anymore, at least I thought, left me in the dust. I told her about my depression and how sometimes I feel suicidal..I thought it would help opening up to someone. But it completely blew up in my face. I’m not sad about it, it’s expected isn’t it. She said that I was crazy and needed help..perhaps I do. I wasn’t asking for her pity, I don’t need pity, just her understanding and support you know. I see it as if she acted like that when I tried to open up to her, she was obviously […]
I remember leaving my soul
I’d forgotten that I needed it to
Feel
But maybe when I die
I’ll just grab it real quick
And come right back
I remember losing my mind
I’d forgotten that I needed it
To think and maybe to keep me alive
I can’t believe I’vegot this far
With a head so empty
I. Remember losing my faith
I forgot I needed God like a big brother
But maybe when I die
I will die escaping
I will die returning to the fold
I think about death. I think about it all the time. I wonder what it would be like if death wasn’t just a state of being, but an actual being, and what I would say if I could sit down and talk to it. Why do you come around when you’re not wanted? Why won’t you come round when u are desperately needed? Do you have a 800 number or a help desk. Why the fuck not? Because I am this great,
Unstable
Mass of blood and stone
And no emotion that’s worth having
Has settled in my bones
My heart is an autoclave
A while ago I made the commitment to myself that if I can not change my state of mind, my hate of myself, and find the release needed to deal with this pain… I would get what I always wanted for my birthday.
Have been working really hard at being mindful of my thoughts. Why I feel that way, what causes it, and who is the biggest influence in my life.
Reaching out, puts so much on that person I love, how can they be honest?!? Know my thoughts good and bad, and know what needs to change, but who I am won’t allow it.
Can’t help but […]
So this is probably the only time I’m gonna use this, account. I just needed it to get out. To vent. Anyways.. here it is.
I think I’m starting to accept the fact that there’s something wrong with me, and that I’m a terrible person. I feel “empty,” don’t know exactly what that means except, you feel I dunno dead inside? None of my emotions feel real. I’m beginning to think I’m not normal, crazy even. One of these days, not today, nor tommorow I will end it. I just don’t belong here, I shouldn’t be here, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, my mind […]
I don’t see hope. I see pain, and a lot of it. I hear voices, and I am exhausted. My life is a couch, and a walk, and sometimes I can eat, and get to places, and sometimes I can’t. No family cares, no church cares, basically, nobody cares, and so I’m saying goodbye soon. Because there has to be some place better than this filthy and disgusting planet full of chemicals and all kinds of horrific things that I can barely stand to live in anymore. The humans have made this planet a waste heap of despair and agony for too many, and I […]
Everyday I go through the motion’s in my life , the will to live is just not in me anymore. Alone, going through depression it seems like the only thing that can get a tiny small smirk on my face seems to be when I try to think about what if I was happy ,what if I had that someone special in my life, what if I was special to someone else or I was needed but I get mad at myself for even thinking that fit giving myself false hope that just doesn’t exist. I bottle my emotions in until night time where my […]
I lied to my parents about having suicidal thoughts and carrying on self harming. Should I come clean because they are getting worse I keep taking pills and cutting and I feel its going to get worse. Should I go doctors? Or maybe counseling? I dunno what to do I feel myself fading away everyday a bit more :‘( I haven’t been able to speak to anyone 🙁 I’m going into a deeper depression and no one is caring about it 🙁 I feel like one day everyone will care when it is too late :‘(
I can keep it together for pretty long. Sunglasses on, hair down, blank fuckin stare.
Threw up “mop that shit up with your hair *****, i want you to get on your fucking knees and mop it up. You’re lucky i dont make you eat it.”
Lol. Call me a monkey, I love monkeys, im a ****, i love that word, very empowering.
Keep it together, don’t laugh, for gods sake don’t cry. I’ll be laughing when I’m selling my engagement ring. I’ll be […]
Pain is thay friend you keep close as you cut. It’s what’s needed to survive the depression. Pain grows and is fed through self hate. Self hate can be acquired through any means, although some self hate is stroger than others’ self hate. The difference between me and you is that when you wake up, your nightmare ends. I used to live in fear of death. But i turned that fear into self hate to feed the mature pain that has been accumulated inside of me since i was born. That pain gave birth to a hate of life and everything that falls within that […]
Hey umm.. I love this site, and I just wanted to know if there’s a way you can private message on here, or are there chat rooms on other sites that you could suggest to me..?
Depression is getting to the best of me today.
Whoo Hoo.
Alright so yesterday during my third class period of the day, a CPS worker came and talked to me. We talked about my home life and if I feel safe being there. My mom’s boyfriend is in to drugs and drinking and when he’s high/drunk he likes to argue. Sometimes he’ll just be obnoxious and loud, other times he’ll get physical with my mom and stuff. What pissed me off was when she said on the report that it was mentioned that I cut myself. So she had to take a picture of me and of my arm and brought up that I was molested […]