Lets see…
…where to start
. . .
Karla destroyed my heart, hopes, dreams & confidence so badly that I started working a song:
You told me you wanted to grow old with me,
You threw me a way like yesterday’s garbage,
You crushed my heart,
You destroyed all my dreams,
Now I cut with a knife and
it makes everything all right
You caused so much distress in my head that I can’t sleep,
Now I cut with a knife to make everything all right
I cut with a knife and it makes everything all right,
You’ve hurt me so much,
I can cut with a knife
and not feel any pain.
I’ve come to […]
I’ll be talking more about what led to this later on I just wanted to say hi, I’m 23 male with bipolar disorder OCD depression self-diagnosed language disorder and rejection sensitive dysphoria, I’m also and HSP I guess. Anyway, I just wanted to show I do have mental illness started in sixth grade but we’ll get to all that later.
Hi everyone 🙂
A lot of new users nice. I see hazy sunflower is around and cordless wonder if Not Interested in Life is still around she was always amusing. Anyways How’s everyone been.
I need a suicide date. date as in, day, not some weird romantic fetish.. But i guess I’ll decide on that later.
I’ve been pushed over the edge now. I don’t have motivation to run away. I don’t have motivation to look for new people or friends. I’ve tried talking and meeting to countless online friends. Some i have pushed away..
I’m done. I can’t do this.
I’ll let you know when i decide on a date.
Thank you Chordful, Kat, Sportsballs, Fakingit.. I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.
I wont ever leave without a proper goodbye.
I’d write more, but tears are like burning my eyes.. Is that […]
Well today is my birthday. The only reason im putting it out there is that I really didnt think I would make it to 40. Now im here im happy about it. Im proud of myself for not giving in to the destruction of addiction and keeping on trying to stop using no matter how many relapses I have. Im glad that I haven’t comitted suicide. The thoughts of ending have abated and I have found some things to live for. Im glad for new people in my life, no matter where they are. (Oops I think im writing a gratitude list). Thank u to […]
Good Morning. I still don’t have a lot to say this morning. I seem to be cycling down again. I feel like I have whiplash lately. Up down, up down. I don’t seem to be losing the drive to paint and draw, which will most likely save my life this go around.
When I was younger I would cycle up and have about three solid weeks of pure creativity then it would leave me for 6 months and I would be completely destitute about it. Up until January of last year I had put away anything creative because it had […]
I wanna start by sayin when I post here I dont want to sound like some winny 23 year old we all know theres no where else to vent to , even right now my heart is broken with dispair nd I want to die I need the courage to do myself in
With that being said maybe if I could jus reach a new friend here maybe something will change so SP …
What is everyone doing right now what do yu do from day to day lets just try And connect more
So… I’ve been made an offer.
My aunt and uncle who live in Illinois called tonight and mom was telling them about college and stuff down here (I’m in Georgia.) My aunt, who is in college to be a nurse, told us about the college up there… and honestly, it sounds so much better than the one I am currently in.
Well, they offered to let me live with them and even offered to help me with getting grants and paying for things and all of that as long as I stay in college. Wow, is honestly all I can think. I was talking to my mom […]
About a year ago I lost a job I was with six years…that’s around the time I lost my fiancé of 6 years. It was mainly due to depression and really stupid choices. I never cheated on her but I guess I was kind of a mean drunk. I found new work but couldn’t hack it there and ended up leaving and getting buried in credit card debt. I still haven’t been able to get out. I was with a job the last couple months that I really thought I could make work. Mostly due to my depression I started to despise it. Found myself […]
I don’t know how to live with this. With myself. I’m full of hatred & negativity. I feel so alone, & lost. I am a terrible person, but I don’t have it within me to be better. I can change my actions, but my underlying view of life remains the same. The problem is fundamental to who I am. No matter how many new starts I make, I will eventually drag myself down.
I have cut myself off from all humanity. I am completely alone. There is no meaning to anything I do. I go through the motions, clinging to the vestiges of life. But it’s […]
Before I leave you all, I have one request.
Let those that I love know I love them. Let those who know me have a blessed life. Let those who I trust know where to speak.
As for the woman I miss and hope to fix one day down another life;
I hope you know that without you my demons overpower me. This is not your fault. Not your battle. As for you, I wish you find yourself. I found me in you.
I also lost myself in your glorious love. In your pleasant surprise of joy and truth. I will stay forever lost in the time that […]
Ah, i never thought i would post on a site like this one. Still, i would like some advice.. I’m sorry if this is too long, i don’t really know what i’m going to say so thank you to all of you who actually read through all this nonsense..
I don’t know what’s happening to me, i never would have imagined i would slip this far away. At first i thought i was just being a little over dramatic. That’s normal for teenagers y’know? But these thoughts, these “what ifs”, these plans, I can see how much they are taking over and i don’t know what […]
Another weekend is over. I have accomplished almost nothing and somehow I am ok with that.
Saturday I could hardly move, but Sunday I was able to get up and go out into the world for a sandwich and a drink.
Yay for small triumphs.
Some music that helps me cope with depression and ease the pain,
I hope you might discover a song or two that you will like or even maybe it will help you in someway,
or at least it will give you an appetite for searching new music or songs.
I have try to shorten the list, and divide songs in some fashion for a little easier overview.
If you find a song that you like, please let me know, also post a song that you like and I will check it out!
PART I.
— music & lyrics + “the feelings so deep and true” —
Dark Tranquillity […]
Lately I have felt like a bit of a hypocrite, considering death for myself while still feeling anxiety about friends who are considering the exact same thing. I want them to stay, yet I want the “get out” option for myself. Not quite sure how to process that.
I find myself writing two opposite types of music lately:
(1) Batshit-crazy chaos, and
(2) Peaceful calmness.
Am I somehow capturing the aforementioned duplicity in musical form?
Since I’ve finished a few of my projects lately, I started a new piece today. After working out the first few measures, it looks like this is going to be another chaotic angsty […]
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Singularity.mp3
.
Next new piece, which is outside my comfort zone for a few reasons:
1. I’m not comfortable writing for guitar, so I tend to avoid it. But here it is.
2. Lately I’ve tended to avoid wide-open pieces with simple instrumentation. But this has just three instruments: Acoustic guitar, Electric bass, and Piano.
3. It has almost a country/western feel, which is definitely NOT my favorite genre.
4. It’s peaceful and calm, which is an odd thing for me to write these days. Lately I’d gravitated more toward things which reflected angst and panic.
It’s called “Singularity”.
I didnt wake up feeling so down about the fact theres another day ahead of me, in fact the first thing I did when I woke up was think of you lot and see what new things you’ve posted! I know im only new and haven’t interacted with many of you but I want to let you all know the impact you’ve all had on me, to see we’re not alone and how kind hearted we all are to go out of our way to support one another. No one makes us listen or read what we have to say, we do it because we’re […]
It feels nice to write my feelings on a social media page where everyone gets me. I talk to my boyfriend all the time about my depression and bless him he’s bent over backwards to try make me happy, and as much as love him and appreciate the effort he’s going to I physically can’t change how I think or feel 🙁 its gotten to the point where he feels like he’s useless because I havent improved at all, but he’s not! And when he feels useless sometimes he gets mad and thats only been recently, I cant blame him after 2 years of having […]
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