Tag:

nothing

Why am I never enough?

by Hampshire_Girl 3/21/2016

written by Hampshire_Girl

I’m not going to mention the username of the person this message is for, but they will know it’s for them and that’s what matters.

My dear friend

I scan the entries on SP expecting to see a final post from you or from someone posting that you’re gone. I no longer visit SP as often as I did because I’m scared of what I’ll see. I look to see what you’re saying in your responses to others to see how you are.

When you emailed to say you might be leaving soon, I responded that it was best I said nothing. If I say “ok, […]

3/21/2016 2 comments

It’s happening again

by souptool 3/20/2016

written by souptool

I just want to get away from me!

I don’t know what to do, all I have is a hope that it’ll be over soon if I can be brave for once in my life and just kill myself I’m so sick of being alive it’s so fake nothing about this is real. How can this be what life is supposed to be like I hate it I want off this ride I’m so done. Nothing even happened it’s just a culmination of my life I’m so sick of my memories my thoughts my worries. All I wanted I think out of […]

3/20/2016 4 comments

Drowning

by 3of6 3/15/2016

written by 3of6

I feel like I am drowning. I jumped into the sea thinking I could manage myself and now I am sinking. It is too late to learn how to swim. I will soon be lost in these waves that crash over me. With no more air to breathe and no more strength to fight I will soon be just a memory… And then nothing…

3/15/2016 3 comments

Running away

by Moneypenny 3/15/2016

written by Moneypenny

Mom has lost her keys again,
dad keeps seaching for his cell phone,
sis is busy in her laptop,
bro is listening to music.
And I know where the keys are,
and I know where the phone is.
And I know what she is searching
and I know what he found there.
So I know what is comming,
but don’t know whats going on.

—

I feel worthless, empty and alone.

I will no kill myself anytime soon but I am destroying my life… doing nothing on the sofa

3/15/2016 21 comments

Insomnia Sucks!!!

by Ylem 3/15/2016

written by Ylem

Even with medication I still can’t fucking sleep. What the hell?! My doctor keeps changing my medication, uping the dose and whatever… But I can’t fucking sleep!!

I just took my pills. I feel sleepy. I’m in bed. But sleep won’t come. What the fuck?!

I don’t think the medication is helping me at all. Nothing is helping me. Therapy sucks balls. My turn to friend won’t talk to me anymore. I’m in deep shit. I feel like shit.

I’m thinking of making an attempt. My doctor is giving me TCAs. It might just work. I need more of them though. I doubt the dose I have is […]

3/15/2016 3 comments

I’m Okay…Really

by 3of6 3/15/2016

written by 3of6

I am okay. I mean, I may want to die, but I am okay with that. I don’t care about much anymore. It’s hard because everyone wants to help, kind of. They don’t want you to kill yourself. So they tell you how you have so much to live for, how they would feel if you left, how nothing lasts forever. I know nothing lasts forever. I just don’t see a reason to keep going, but I do keep going because I don’t really have a choice. What I wish they would see is that there is pain even when I do keep going.

3/15/2016 2 comments

Starving Myself

by PrincessX_xPoptart 3/14/2016

written by PrincessX_xPoptart

Hiya guys I’ve just made this account and lately I want to grab a hold of my weight I started gaining weight in like 6th grade and it stopped. Then I lost some because I had struggles with eating and I would go weeks and Months without eating nothing and if I did it was like a bite of something. Well this year I started eating again and adding weight to myself but I was never actually skinny. But now I am un comfortable with my body and my looks. And I pls on starving myself again or only maybe one thing a day idk […]

3/14/2016 13 comments

ah fuck

by insteadshesaid 3/14/2016

written by insteadshesaid

I once said in one of my earlier posts that I ‘longed for the feeling of not feeling at all’

Unknown to the fact how unbearable it is. I feel so numb. I don’t feel happy nor sad. I don’t get excited, nothing motivates me any more. I haven’t loved anything in a while: music, people, family, enjoyment.

It’s so shit.

3/14/2016 5 comments

the most meaningless person who ever existed

by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful) 3/12/2016

written by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)

Why couldn’t kill myself when I had the chance. I wouldn’t have so many painful memories and feel so out of place and suicidal. I only know my best days are ahead of me because one of those days includes dying. My life never started. I sometimes can trick myself into thinking that people I have met actually cared about me but deep down I know that is untrue. I hate that of painful memories of liars and heart thieves that all in all provided nothing but pain and trauma. I don’t matter. I don’t connect to anyone or anything. I shouldn’t even have been […]

3/12/2016 2 comments

I’m Crashing…

by Ylem 3/12/2016

written by Ylem

I’m crashing…

I knew this would happen. The whole week I’ve been too busy, my mind too preoccupied with school work to dwell on the pain. Now, it’s the weekend and I have all the time in the world to feel the pain. I feel like the walls are caving in on me. I hate this feeling. I thought I was starting to get over it, but I’m far from being cured from this. This is who I am. An empty shell. An empty void. I’m just empty. Nothing. I feel absolutely nothing. There is no need for pretense when I’m alone. There is no need […]

3/12/2016 34 comments

Minority

by kgp23 3/12/2016

written by kgp23

I believe I am apart of a minority of people. I suffer depression and anxiety, but I am far too caring to kill myself. I couldn’t do that to my family. I’ve tried antidepressants, they did nothing. Someone I know from school recently went into a Mental Hospital and I am angry. She is in there because 3 months ago, her friend killed himself. She knows the reason as to why she feels so bad. I have no idea why I feel like this. My life is good, better than many. I am not ungrateful nor am I selfish, but I hate being alive. I […]

3/12/2016 5 comments

Random Thoughts on Everything and Nothing at all

by chelle428 3/12/2016

written by chelle428

I don’t really know have much of a direction for this post in my head, no horrid incident or crazy profound thoughts, just stuff that runs through my head.

Do you ever wake up and you feel so empty? Not even like sad or upset over anything in particular. You just feel like nothing at all, you just feel so tried that you don’t even know how you’re standing. That’s how I’ve been waking up a lot lately.

I feel like everyone has something they’re good at, something they’re smart about or something they have a passion for. I don’t enjoy anything, I don’t have a talent […]

3/12/2016 9 comments

Darkness, be my friend.

by pondersaurus 3/11/2016

written by pondersaurus

When there is nothing and no one, consume me. Be my ally, and release me from this world.

I am so tired, both literally and proverbially. I am too fragile. This is not my life.

3/11/2016 1 comment

Mine Alone

by Alfred1688 3/11/2016

written by Alfred1688

I told you to move on and not look back

I thought I was clear when we made that pact

I told you so many times to go away

Why won’t you listen to the words I say

Leave me behind from where I fell

It is my own fault that I landed in hell

There is nothing you can do today or tomorrow

So let me drown in my own sorrow

There is a reason for this selfish request

Trust me when I say it is for the best

This pain and suffering is mine alone

This dark and cold place is now my home

Your presence is only making the pain worse

There is nothing you […]

3/11/2016 0 comment

My Life

by kylesean 3/11/2016

written by kylesean

People say my life is great. I have a girlfriend and I’m one of the best low brass players in my band. But my problems keep me from moving forward and it’s been happening for years. My strict parents who are barely tolerable are always disappointed in me even though I’ve done nothing wrong. My girlfriend has such a better life than me and I’ve always had some sort of envy. She’s my girlfriend and I love her for who she is but she’s always bragging about her lifestyle and in the end she always better than me in almost every single way. I don’t […]

3/11/2016 1 comment

life will never be as good as it was

by rayonhousefly 3/10/2016

written by rayonhousefly

So why continue? I’ve heard all the bullshit in many many years of treatment, but the truth is, it really does only get worse. At least when your brain hates you. If I’ve already lived as much as I can given the circumstances, why would I keep going only to experience pain. Those rare moments of fleeting pleasure? That’s not enough. I don’t really feel it anyways. I can play the part, act like I’m enjoying myself, but in the end, I’m empty inside, and theres nothing that can fill it. I’ve made it before, gotten exactly what I thought I needed to make me […]

3/10/2016 1 comment

Can’t… Scratch…. Itch

by anthropophobia 3/8/2016

written by anthropophobia

The satiety center in my brain is on overdrive craving entertainment, but my appetite for joy is like anhedonic quicksand enveloping every attempt at satisfaction. I have been searching for something, can’t really say what it is.

At times it feels like I need social interaction, but nothing really curbs that needy feeling. I can hardly talk to my closest of friends. My old internet community doesn’t feel welcoming anymore as I pissed the majority of them off (imagine that =P.). I can’t find a place to call home really, not any longer at least. I sought out an old girlfriend, our relationship formed into […]

3/8/2016 1 comment

can i let myself go??

by 4beyondhelp 3/7/2016

written by 4beyondhelp

ok before anyone thinks I’m trying to off myself again, I mean let myself not get stuff done.

I have exams in 3 days and have done quite literally nothing to even begin preparing for them. I need to study and get organized in order to be get the grades I need. I didn’t do anything yesterday after I tried to kill myself but it didn’t work (I’m physically fine just a little inconvenienced) and I didn’t do anything after classes today either. Thinking about how much I need to do and how I have done nothing is reinforcing all the reasons I want to off […]

3/7/2016 1 comment

Zombie Lessons

by Cordless 3/7/2016

written by Cordless

calvin-psychopath

.
This morning (Monday) I finally got to sleep for the first time since Friday.

Slept for 12-13 hours, and still woke up feeling like someone who could give zombie-lessons.

I can sit and stare at the wall for an hour, doing nothing and thinking almost nothing, before my brain finally nudges me into consciousness.

Something is definitely weird.

I have two different doctor appointments next week, so maybe one of them will have an idea what’s going on.

Until then, hi, everybody.
Mondays are rotten for most people, so in […]

3/7/2016 37 comments

Weekdays are so much better for me

by claritee 3/7/2016

written by claritee

During the week I work, I workout, I’m busy doing stuff. I have no time to let my mind interfere. The weekends are the worst. I get lonely and depressed. Yesterday I was such a mess. I feel like nothing satiates me. I loathe weekends. I do nothing except ponder why I exist and wait for each moment to pass so I can go to sleep. But today I feel better. Distractions are amazing. To not be able to think… It’s wonderful.

3/7/2016 0 comment

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