Anxiety , bipolar disorder , and depression. I feel like I have been falling some what back into my old ways again. I’m falling apart . And all I can think about about is suicide again lately . I find it bringing a peaceful end to my life .
Following from earlier post. Just spoke to my mum, she laid total guilt trip on me for not visiting her. Now im in a total manic questioning everything about my rat ass life spiral. !! Stuck between anger and tears. Hating myself and hating her!! The irony is that im 39 fucking years old!!! Why do I feel like im 5 years old again and stuck in between divorcing parents! !! Wow, sorry, I dont mean to project on anyone younger than me. Its just my messed up family. And the worst part is im outta valium and ice cream!!! Could do with some […]
I’ve known for quite awhile that my sister has been sexually active. Although it may not be my place I’ve tried to explain to her that she’s really much too young to being doing such. But, why listen to me right? But tonight I was pushed over board. The reason why is she just turned 14, but is now having sex with a 19 year old man. I confronted him today at a Shell, while not much happened other than a shoving match and getting in each other faces, some bystanders called police. Of course they just let us go as neither of us have […]
Today was a good day, got to pick up that special lady in my life. My 11 year old daughter, what a complete and wonderful BLESSING she is, and she can always bring me outta my funks. Nothing beats the pure and innocent love of a child, and it truly humbles me to know that there is still a love like that in the world. She doesn’t look at me like the guy who works all the time, or the guy in the Motorcycle Club, or the guy that used to be married to her momma, NOPE !!!!!!!! I’m […]
What happens when you’re young and optimistic,
But you grow old forget to be opportunistic?
What is it when you’ve loved and you’ve lived,
But now you hate and you’ve lost?
What do you do when you want to die at any cost?
Is life worth it if you’re not thriving at it?
All I want is happiness, why aren’t I striving for it?
Is it too much to ask, for this smile to be real?
It’s just a front, a face to conceal.
These tears flow like a river,
They come running out every night, as I shiver.
Why can’t I do it, just […]
I’m going to start writing stories about suicide on here. And this is going to be my first one. (by the way, the reason why I used veil so much was because I had originally wrote this for one of my homework assignments, and oh well if some parts don’t make sense)
Every day she would walk the halls veiled. She would wear a big smile, but the smile was never real. She wouldn’t bother anybody; she would sit quietly. She would have her nose in a notebook she would draw or write in. If she wasn’t using her notebook, she would always get lost in […]
This is just the same old post, made because I’m feeling lost and lonely and don’t know what else to do.
My life is probably not worth living. I don’t anticipate much in the way of happiness or meaningful events down the road. Generally speaking, anything involving human relationships is a non-starter. I’m not particularly artistic or creative. I don’t really believe in anything strongly, or care about anything that much. In other words, I am a void. My life is a big fat zero. And that feels terrible. All the things that you could’ve been, that you were supposed to be. And you’re not. You’re this. […]
Hello guys. I don’t know where to start. This is my first post here.
I have borderline personality disorder and find it nearly impossible to have meaningful and healthy relationships. I feel so alone all the time and have no one I can talk to about it. When I try I get the stereotypical “try to be less negative.” This loneliness leads to hatred. Hatred of happy people. Hatred of laughing kids. Hatred of those with good jobs and loving girlfriends. Hatred of the world; and even more hatred for those who can’t see how fucked up it is. This hatred drove away my girlfriend, it […]
from 2009 of a brief stay inside the mental clinic. For 6 days I wrote terribly cringeworthy entries on a flipbook… and drew even more cringeworthy pictures. Gave me a good laugh. Yet one sentance stood out to me:
[…]I am important to People, and they like me for who I am and what I do[…]
What happened in 7 years since then? Today I am convinced of the opposite. Infact have attempted suicide multiple times because of issues of worthlessness etc. I wrote further […] “I learned my lesson, I will never attempt suicide again” […]
Yet I remember another attempt on suicide just a few […]
Hi,
This is my first post on this website and I’m not usually the type of person who does that but I have no one left in my life to talk to so I guess I’m turning to you guys…. Anyways, the past few months have been pretty hard I went on an exchange in Italy which turned out to be the worst experience of my life because the family I stayed with was yelling at me and insulting me the whole time… So I came back home way earlier than I should have and that’s where everything started. This exchange completely destroyed me I had […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Of waiting. I tried hanging myself countless times to no avail last year. I may try again next week. We move and ill have my own room again. I’ll have the space to do it. My mom is talking about moving and the things we have to do. Im to old to care how it will affect her or any family. Before my breakdown last year we had barely talked for 5 years. I dont care a anymore. There wasnt a me before this pain. This is who i am. I am depressed and suicidal. I am also tired and old. Ive had countless attempts, […]
You’ve come back again, and here i am again.. i thought last time was the last time that’d id post because i was officially out of the shit hole i was in.. i have a feeling there are going to be more of those situations to come in the future, maybe this will be the last time.. Hopefully the light will shine sometime soon.. For those of you still hanging on, i fucking envy you, you guys are the strongest people i probably know in my life right now.. I mean I’m still hanging on, but running on fumes, i don’t know how you guys […]
I was once a young, ambitious man. I loved smoking weed and one day I got some from California. It was really good and I sold a lot of it. Within 6 months, I was making about $2-3000 a week. I sold for about 5 years. I never had a job, just a full time dealer. Last year I spent 22k on plane tickets alone.
I would always use cash and avoid using my bank card and account, but I still managed to have 150k go through my bank account in the past 5 years. Plane tickets, for example, have to be bought on a card […]
My 3 year old niece drew this for me yesterday. Caption it I have no idea what the fuck it is. Or what to even call it
I was directed your way for finding an old user called Stabby Mike. I ran across his party posts a while back and they really helped so I was more or less just hoping to say thank you. Any info would be very helpful. Thanks!
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This made sence .
Find myself repeating to my old habit. To be alone secluding myself keeping away from others. Not Wanting to talk to anyone . Constantly being angry all the time when others are playing and having just outside my room I sit in bed try to ignore them and I try to go to sleep but instead I just think of how useless how worthless nothing unhappy how sad I am and feel bad for a worthless piece of piece […]
I think iv refound an old hobby thanks to u guys the drawing might not be that greatest but hay it’s keeping my mind at rest of a wile thanks guys Suicide club -drawing how’s everyone doing
No one can adequatly explain what i’ve been through, not even I. The stress, trauma, isolation… the daily thoughts that run through my head. I already know that I simply won’t make it for much longer let alone old age. I’m tired of life and want to sleep.
I met with my 3rd therapist who confirmed, yet again, that my life’s experiences fall outside of the normal paradigm. It isnt so much that these things occured but rather the psychological impact of such. I’m tired of trying. So very very tired.
Hey, since lots of us is having a bad night, I wanted to recommend you all listen to “Beautiful Pain” by Eminem ft. Sia. I stumbled with this song last week, on a particularly bad day, and broke down and cried in the middle of the Mall, but it served me well. I know, it’s old news, but really, the song has some nice message. I find it.. encouraging. To make it through another day.