i don’t know why, but i’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping. on sunday i went to bed at 4 and woke up at 8. last night i didn’t sleep at all, but i took a nap at 10 because i had to work tonight. and today, here i am. it’s 2:45 and i’m about to go try and sleep. it’s really hard though. most people tell me to just go to bed earlier, but the thing is i just can’t seem to stay asleep for long. i constantly wake up, which makes me more tired. i even noticed how i feel more awake […]
Tag:
pain
i just got home from working, and it’s 11pm. normally, my brother waits for his wife to get home and then go to bed, but i guess it’s only for her. they’re both asleep. i guess they don’t care, and i don’t blame them for that, nor am i mad at them. i just found it a bit sad.
in other news, this morning was very difficult for some reason; having said this, i was really struggling to not harm myself. i managed somehow, but at work i did get hurt many times, though not on purpose. at least i don’t think so.
life has […]
I hope you are doing okay, and it is okay if you are not.
Sometimes I do not feel okay, and I almost ended my life because of it.
I have allowed myself to heal for three years before making the decision to share my story. This is not easy; the feeling of being vulnerable is hard to swallow, but I have accepted the social ramifications of allowing myself to open up publicly. I want to help others by sharing my experience because I know how it can feel to be alone. This piece carries a heavy trigger warning.
At some point, simple tasks became overwhelming and I […]
even though i can’t feel anything and my brain is a blur, i can still pretend everything’s fine, and people believe it. don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing; i guess it’s a bit of both.
about a week ago, i was told that people saw me as someone composed and mature, and that i seem to be happy even when there’s bad things going on; that it helps others feel better. and i legitimately laughed out loud when i heard that.
off topic, but being a young person who just moved to the other side of the world is hard. wow, […]
words won’t come out.
talking and expressing anything seems like too much work, or like something too complicated that i can’t figure out.
and when i do try to reach out and open up to others, it always goes wrong. i try telling someone about the panic attack i had, and they assume i’m lying and then proceed to tell me i’m not trying hard enough, and that only makes everything harder for everyone. they tell me to try harder.
i thought i was trying my best. and i was. but it seems like, once again, my best wasn’t enough.
i tried to open up, […]
Walked out of class because I couldn’t stop crying the moment I arrived. What’s wrong with me ?
I went to the cemetery on the hill my favourite place to go. And I just lay on top of an above the ground grave. And I cried.
I cried until I was numb.
I cried until I was screaming.
Then I just lay there. In silence. The wind blowing on my skin and the sun beating down on me.
I couldn’t really feel it but I didnt care. Because this was the first time I had felt at peace in weeks.
I lay there limp and emotionless. Anyone walking past […]
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t feel anything anymore and I can’t stop crying.
I’ve started cutting again.
I’ve started drinking again.
And attempting to throw up my food.
It’s all come back so fast it feels like the world is crashing down on me and I can’t take it.
I need everything to just stop for a few days. College, the future, Time , Life.
I just need to disappear and I fear if I don’t find a way then I’ll just kill myself.
I’m so fucking tired I just cant do this anymore.
I give up.
I want the pain to go away. All the heart break, sadness, lonely nights, empty pill bottles, & watching the blood drip down my arms & legs after just having an episode. I need my thoughts to stop. I can’t handle it anymore. A few days ago my boyfriend slashed his wrists & took 20 xan bars because I tried to leave him. It was all my fault. I had to go over & clean up all of the blood after he got picked up by the ambulance. There was so much blood… it was all over the walls, the tv, the floor, the sink, […]
Fisrt of all I’m not proud of this. I’ve never thought I would be publishing something in a page like this. I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Second, I’m spanish that’s why my grammar sucks, pretty much that.
I have no idea where should I start. I’ve been depressed for a lot of years, I tried to kill myself a couple of times but I didn’t suceed.
Background:
My parents are not together, they divorced when I was eight. My mother started returning really late from work, kids started bullying me at school, but I could handle it, until I was twelve. My father was getting married […]
I’m 16 years old. My life is absolutely shit. Everyday I’m made fun of by peers and family. The one girl I loved hates me now, I have no friends and my grades are slipping. I cut my wrists every night as well. My story on how all this happened starts freshman year. I was popular the start of freshman year, I was doing great. I hung out with a lot of different people and I was well happy for once. But then I started to get into fights with people like throwing fists kind of fights. After that everything changed and I do not […]
I’m not sure where to start. But I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. As I’m writing this I have tears coming out of my eyes. I’m not sure whether it is my mental state or the fact it is nearly 2 in the morning. But death is something I’ve wanted for a while over the course of my life. In primary school and I’m year 7 I was very lonely. I was liked by people but I had no friends. Even in some of year 8 in secondary school I still had very limited friends. At the start of year […]
i’m empty inside. I don’t care what happens to anyone around me. I don’t have the will to live. I hate everyone around me. I don’t know who I am. I don’t want to live but I’m too scared to die. I want all the pain to stop.
Dear ex-friend,
i know i have faults but im not entirely to blame. U’ve got what was coming… I still think of u a lot more than i can handle. Im still hurting although i know i should not be. I’ve decided to let you go but why am i still in pain? Your death should have put me in solace. So please, please my heart, stop. Please let goodbyes be goodbyes..
Don’t wanna fight no more. I no longer feel pain. I don’t even feel the sadness. Everything is emptiness now. I think i finally died inside, because, no matter what, i can’t feel. I was so used to my sadness, now its all a void. An empty space. A vacuum. The world seems still, all is calm, all is silent. Now, I’m just numb.
all is calm
all is silent,
I cannot feel a thing.
Am I alive or just breathing?
Yeah I know life isn’t fair, but why do some people have to suffer so much? Why do some people have to have such bad things happen to them? While others have such easy lives with nothing but good people and goodness surrounding them? Some people have had to struggle their entire lives, while others just worry about about stupid shit like what shoes should they wear to match what dress they’ll wear tomorrow, while some of us have to worry whether we’ll get beaten today or have dinner tonight.
Some of us had to suffer the moment we were born. How […]
I lost my baby within three years of her birth. Before that, I was moderately depressed. Once in a while I would break down into tears, I was even afraid to look in the mirror. I’ve seen myself as a monster most of my life. If not I as a monster, then I as someone surrounded by them. I’ve been married to my husband for quite a while now, I love him dearly but his depression only piles onto mine. He’s put a gun to his head around 238 times now, once just recently. He pulled the trigger all but that last time, all bullets […]
I feel like I’m dying inside but at the same time I feel absolutely nothing. I try to continue on and some days I think that I am actually making progress until I am absolutely blindsided and am back to where I started. I usually never dream but recently have been having nightmares that leave me petrified, I couldn’t even get out of bed today because I was so terrified. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel like I’m all alone and I just want someone to help me. I have tried to reach out to professionals before but they were a complete […]
Would a person die when he’s dead?
Or would he only feel more pain?
I knew I’m already suffering from depression a year ago but it’s only last week that I started to hurt myself physically. It just happened. I don’t even know when or how something sharp came into my hand to slit my wrists. All I know is that I shove it on my skin and felt the burning pain beneath. And that it felt so good. To finally feel the pain. To finally divert my attention on my bleeding wrist rather than what I feel inside.
It was the time my brother came to yell […]
I never wear regular or low rise jeans. Not because I’m insecure about my body. Not because I’m “in love” with the high-waisted jeans. It’s because I cut myself on my hip. Lines and lines of tiny cut marks all over. I cut my hip and watch the blood flow and relish the pain. It’s the only thing that stops the pain inside my head.
I’ve wanted my life to end before. I’ve thought of ways I can do it that would have the least amount of impact on the people around me. My family would get over it. Relationships are hard for me so I don’t have any really close friends to worry about. I’ve tried counseling and I’ve taken medication. I’ve reached out to people when I’ve needed help. But you can only reach out to people so many times before you start bringing them down. That’s when they leave you. I’ve worked SO hard to hide this side of me from my boyfriend of two years. There […]