…how one person can affect your life so much. I pride myself in being a strong person. I always have been. No one’s words have ever hurt me. Except… for one person. He broke my heart, left me with nothing. Called me names. Said I wasted months of his life. I found that he was the one person whom I can’t fight. He’s also the one person that can make me hurt like no one else can. He’s also the only person that can make me feel weak. It’s not healthy to have him in my life. That much I’ve figured out. But I’ve also […]
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Why can’t people just be nice? I just don’t get it. I really don’t. How dare you put someone down to make yourself better! Do you know what you have done to that person? No, you don’t. You have broken their confidence, their self-esteem, made them question who they are…It makes me livid. I just wish I could be there for all the kids out there who get bullied or yelled at by their parents or guardians and protect them. I wish I could do something to help them. And you know what, opening up the door for someone or sending them a quick smile […]
One of my current first world peeves includes the sent, delivered, and received indicators on messaging applications for smart phones. The two big ones in particular are whatsapp and kik, I find myself in a perpetual struggle to direct my attention away from them. They add an agonizing level of suspense to every conversation, and when on the receiving end they add an overwhelming obligation to reply to every message a friend gifts you. I feel as though I’ve been robbed of my anonymity, and the sanctity of a lie has been turned to rubbish. I can no longer say, “I was away from […]
The questions everyone has been asking for a while now is “why?”. So, I’m now going to tell you why.
Humans are idiots. I’m not saying we should all die, but humans are idiots. If you have something big to live for, goals, dreams, whatever, go for it. But I don’t. The only thing keeping me up right now is my family, and that doesn’t feel like enough anymore. I move all over the place, so I don’t have any concrete friends. My favorite thing to do is read, because I can be taken into another world, and because books have a definite ending. It’s the […]
Ok, so suicidal thoughts linger. Will they ever totally dissipate? Perhaps or perhaps not. I don’t really know. If I had to say, I would lean towards they will lighten but never just go away. Once you learn know or relaize something, it’s not like you can just purposely unknow or unrealize it. The partial truth behind ingnore is bliss. So with acceptance of the fact I may never be able to fully revert from suicidal thoughts and desires leads me to the question of what can I do to cope with them? My mind running on the topic of ways to kill myself and […]
My life is literally one huge fucking mess. I have no direction whatsoever, I can’t decide for the life of me what I even want to do with this shitty life of mine. I’m a walking contradiction, I can never make any fucking decisions, probably because I can never visualise a positive outcome of any situation ever because my life is so fucking shit. Nothing at all makes me happy, I have no fucking hobbies because I’m too much of a lazy coward to ever put my mind to anything. I have a shitty, dead end retail job which makes my hate my pathetic life […]
My friend has just tried to commit because he likes me and i basically lead him on (I didn’t mean to).
If he succeeds then I don’t want to live anymore, I can’t handle the guilt of being responsible for another person ending their life. But I’m scared, I want a relatively painless way to die.
Update: he was unsuccessful, luckily. But I don’t know how to support him and be there for him as a fringed without him getting the wrong idea?
I’m done, I just want to leave and put this agonizing existence behind me. Yet everyone has to keep telling me that it’s my “duty” that “I have to” to stay alive for everyone else. Bullshit no one gives a shit and I know that. If I disappeared tomorrow, the only person who would miss me is my mom and I’m sure she would get over it. I don’t matter in anyones life, everyone else has a better friend then me and just keep me around cause they are just sympathizing for the reject. After all, doesn’t everyone say that they need to get rid […]
I really wish I could talk about this with anybody, but I know it’s not a good idea. It never was. It will never be. Empathy and caring are just fantasies or lies people tell you to make you feel you are living a better life.
I see people of my same age around me that excel at one thing, or even more. They can do whatever they like. And then there I am, a good for nothing fuck. Every time I try something, I fail. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just never meant to be. I could write a book with a list of […]
I don’t think this is just me, but I’m not sure. Yesterday, I was having quite an excellent day. I am a pretty darn busy person, so being able to have some down time in my room was cool. I didn’t really have anything to do- and all the sudden, all I wanted to do was cut. I tried to run away from the feeling so I went to the gym to run it off. I came home, and was yet again consumed by the desire to cut. I wasn’t sad, depressed, or angry- it was just a reoccurrence of an old habit. Unfortunately, I […]
I am, though. I can’t help it. I can’t help the fact that Im a failure. It’s not like I’ve not tried to put myself out there. I’ve done everything you wanted, Mom, Dad- I just… Nobody wants someone who’s nobody. And they don’t want any bullshit art that this shitty ass fucking 16 year old made. They don’t want dumbass masks I put my hard work into. They don’t even want my paintings! You tell me to put myself out there and then I’ll get people to buy my things. You tell me not to get a real job and just rely on art. […]
So much has happened since the last time I posted. I haven’t been able to actually log in and write about it, but I thought, “I have to keep on writing and just let it all out, before this pot is ready to explode and suicide becomes the next and only option available.”
I mean suicide is always an option that tries to crawl out of the darkest depths of my mind and there are times that I just let it. I let it consume me and my thoughts because that’s easier than having to deal with reality. But then there are times that I’m just […]
I gradually begin to understand that love is beyond time and age. No matter how old the person we love becomes, we still fight for their happiness and see everyday with them as a gift to cherish. And there is happiness that comes along with every single day that passes.
There is a lot more to love I am yet to learn. And with you, I am learning, step by step, every single day.
“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window […]
I went from being a happy delusional religious person to a depressed suicidal atheist with less than a year…
I hate everything and everyone. It’s as simple as that. I do have friends and a boyfriend and I should be thinking about how they would feel. I just don’t. I feel like it’s all temporary, none of them are here for the long run. I feel like I’m in this alone so what’s the point of waiting until I’m actually alone? They leave me out and I’m pretty sure my boyfriend will break up with me any day now. I’m so ready for either a new start or the end. Both sound great. I just can’t live here or deal with any of these […]
love is just a word for some and a meaning for some…i feel that if their is no love there is no life…everyone needs love…some from family,some from friends,and some from their special one’s…at times you have all that love-family,friends,lover…but what if the family and friends betray you and the lover stands by your side???
In India…love is just a taboo…if a girl loves someone then she is said to be a characterless person…and if her parents doesn’t accept the guy she loves she has no rights to make her own choice to choose her life partner…
I mean why..??? God has given us […]
i hate being around people, even if its just me and one person. i like my bubble where i dont have to talk to any one i can just sit and go into my own little world and ignore everyone else or at least try to, but when someone is around its like “damn now i have to make awkward conversation with someone who probably wont like me anyway.” and dont get me in a crowd of people, fuck me ill have a complete mental brake down if i dont have my ear plugs. i cant wait until this is all over. Monday will come […]
Why was I made to be the ugliest person on earth and to be tortured with knowing the love of my life who I can never be close to because I’m too ugly???
I don’t know what I am going to write. I am very acutely aware of everything that happens in me. That’s my property, that’s my specialty. What I am incapable of is- changing it. Life is hell for person who knows he is a hypocrite. The loops and spirals this reflecting produces. An endless blame game. Yeah, I did it. I left this goddamned city one morning and went to the place from where Himalayas start. There they were, vast, majestic. Fuck it’s too embarrassing to even tell what happened next. I came back. Yes, I FUCKING CAME BACK. The loneliness that dawned to me, […]