Is it really that bad if I kill myself because I’m too tired to live anymore? I’m thinking of setting a date. Now to push everyone away.
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push
I drift away, because at some point it becomes too hard to send the message or make the phone call. Just like it’s become too hard to get out of bed or make dinner or drive my car. But you don’t expect them to let you drift. In your fairytale fantasies, they pull you closer. They knock down your door if it’s too heavy for you to pull. Your arms push, but they force the embrace until you believe that it’s actually the best and safest place to be. That isn’t what happens though. They don’t mind that you get further and smaller and fainter. […]
It’s hard when the only thing that you truly long for is to disappear, to just not be. This option is not open to me, although it’s a sweet dream I know I won’t take that road. I can’t. I wish I could. I’m not scared, not afraid I’d fail or afraid of what comes after or anything. I’m not free to do it. I can’t get myself to ignore what it would do to those who know me, to my family. No one is close but the distance only brings more pain and questions when someone disappears. It would crush my dad. Those who […]
The guy I was seeing a couple weeks ago, Aaron, turned out to be a bust. He was a really nice and sweet guy, but his interest ran out. But that’s not my main problem. It’s Presley. I am madly in love with Presley, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we were in love with each other, and then all the crap happened with Holly and Amy, he chose both of them over me, and yet we still love each other. I want to yell at him, I want to pound on his chest and beat all of my pain away as […]
I can’t honestly say right now that there’s anyone I love. I’m just too afraid of it. Until I was 20, I was determined not to date or do anything that might lead to loving someone. I knew I struggled with emotion regulation, so I figured all the strong emotions involved would mess me up. That’s still an issue for me.
But a bigger issue is my fear that someone I love might at some point completely depend on me for a long time. That might be my worst fear of all. If that happened, trying to take care of them would certainly exhaust my limited […]
I want to know what everyone’s beliefs are I think it’s a good topic and will keep us busy for a wile
I’m not here to push anything on anyone and I want us all to agree to disagree
do you believe in God or the Big Bang started it all ?
What do u think happens when we die ?
do u think we get reincarnated ?
Why are we here ?
My birthday is coming up, and it’s coming up fast. I’m so scared for it to become another sufferable day for me. Im doing my senior project on that day and let me tell you… It’s hellish days full of utter loneliness. I’m not even exaggerating it. Nobody talks to me, my old friends mooch all over my sister and never intend on talking to me. They will look at me and not even acknowledge my very existence. It rips my heart in two.. I would not go to it.. If my parents weren’t so strict about it.. I got all my hours everything done! […]
so tired I really don’t want to get up one part of me wants to give up the other part wants to push on I feel it’s goin to be one of them days I want it to end before its begins hopefully things change I hope the day runs smooth why is life so complicated sigh
I think that time is coming soon to try again iv had enough of being depressed battling to survive everyday simple life situations seem so differcult to handle watching the world move on wile I’m suck watching everyone building their lives and mine falling apart what kind of life is this struggling and suffering everyday If there is a god why dose he make us suffer so much and push me to the edge were I want to end it all I don’t I don’t understand I’m not sure how long I can stand on this edge without jumping
I don’t know why I keep fighting through this shithole called life. Every force, being, and power is pushing against me, hoping to drive my head further into the darkness. The worst part is I am losing. I have to reason to push through to the invisible light at the end of hell; I have lost the traction that helped move my feet forward. I cannot do this anymore. It really is easier to let go of everything, even including yourself.
Spent $250 today on supplies for my exit.
Have booked in a days leave from work in two days time so I have the whole night and day by myself to pull this off.
I have tried before & failed. It was painful and i dont want to go through that again.
The method Ive chosen this time should be painless if all goes to plan.
Thoughts of my family keep trying to push their way into my brain, but I keep pushing them out . I know they will be OK & I know I simply can’t go on being me.
I’m a […]
Nihilism hit me hard in my seventeenth year of existence. Pretty much all my life i’ve been looking for some “truth” or purpose behind the universe, so the realisation that we are monkeys on a rock, slowly parading towards our deaths while filling the time with seemingly pointless endeavours was quite hard to swallow.
So, why are you alive? Whats your point?
For me, its the gym. I dont know what it is about it, but when i go, my mind clears and its just a battle of me against myself, having to push myself to the edge.
I have been trying to push through but some days it gets too hard. I am not who I wish I were and I cannot have the impact that I wish I could have. I feel like I am useless and can’t help anyone. I feel like I’m stupid to try. Feel like I can’t help myself. Feel like there is no point living. feel like things are always tumbling but that sometimes i close my eyes and I can’t tell that they are. It feels like every time i open my eyes things are still melting away but I try to hide these feelings […]
Hey guys I haven’t been on here since like 2014 but not really active since 2012
Anyways update
Things are okay
Im 18
I graduate this year
Start college in the fall
My family is okay ish i wish it was better but oh well
Congrats to everyone who’s made it another year
May we still push forward
<3
Anyone need someone feel free to text me
(208)446-2439 I will reply generally quickly
^^texting app not real # to anyone who wants to blast me
As the days go by, I only feel myself desiring to kill myself more and more. I loathe more, I argue more, I withdraw more. When things go wrong, its the only thought I have. When things go right, I remind myself that it wont last. I hate feeling like no matter what improvements I make, I’m still put down, I’m still living off others, I’m still worthless. When I try, I just find myself exhausted. All that ever brings me relief is to sleep and I think that’s only because its the closest thing I can do to death without actually killing myself. I […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I absolutely hate how I can push and try and feel a little better one night then the next morning when I wake up it’s like an elephant on my chest and I am depressed that I woke up. I try and tell myself it’s not so bad but the physical part of anxiety and depression hurts so bad, add in OCD thoughts it it’s like living in hell. Medication doesn’t help, therapy doesn’t help. All I want from life is for once not be upset that I woke up. To feel a sense of normal. I am jealous (and happy too) when people post […]
I’m here to tell you guys, it gets easier. If you look at my posts a year and a half ago I was on here pleading for help hoping somehow my parents could see what I was venting you all of you fellow friends who understand what it’s like to be in such a dark place. It gets easier. Things do get better. Although I do know when I was in your position, it felt as if no matter what I read, how happy people pleaded with me to be, I was lost and all I could see was a large dark cloud infront of […]
I’m losing everyone. The two friends I thought would stand by me throughout everything, I’m losing them. I guess its good in some ways, because when the time nears for me to end it all I wont have to push them away and they wont have to hurt at all. They’ll be rid of me for good soon enough. I just hope they have good lives without me.
I’m afraid that when the time comes Ill back out, Ill think of someone, something, a ‘what if’. But I know my life will turn to shit whether I end it or not. I don’t want to have […]
I cut myself knowing fully I want attention. Not just for that though. To release that endorphin to feel calm and relaxed and at peace with the world. I cut today to push on them through out the next few days to remember how little I’m loved. If I remember no one loves me then I wont ever get my hopes up to have them crushed
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