It’ll get better you just gotta wait! I’ve been waiting for years and nothing has changed. And you still say have hope, well has that helped? Nope.
never has, never will and yet you keep saying it still.
“Don’t give up J, it will”
It will in a pill, it will in a rope. Stop saying have hope i’d rather slit my throught, there’s no better way to go than fast and quiet, though iv’e never had the guts to even try it.
Someday i’ll be too weak,
someday i’ll stop fighting. that day will be very exciting. energy would surge through me llike lightning. […]
Tag:
Sake
CAN YOU PLEASE TEL ME WHY!@? THIS TIME I AM NOT POSTING ANYTHING, SO PLEASE TRY AND COMMENT @LEAST AS TO WHY!?!?!
MY POST WAS REGARDING THE HELIUM KIT. PLEASE … FOR GOD SAKE! THE DAY IS COMING CLOSER AND I NEED TO KNOW A FEW THINGS…
Alright, I know this is more of a suicidal story site, but I was thinking and I almost attempted suicide, so I guess it sorta counts.
When I was about 3, my mom and my dad were constantly fighting. My mom was sleeping with other men, after she was married to my dad, to try to get rid of him. She apparently hated my dad, and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. She was on several drugs, (and according to my grandmother so was my dad but before I was born) and she had all sorts of health problems, one night she even passed […]
Here I stand, in front of the mirror once more. The disgusting creature standing before me is not me, not the me I ever wanted for myself. Unmotivated to even live my life anymore I see the imperfections of the body, the lies behind my eyes. I am not the type one would imagine to have such thoughts, I am the cheerful one, the intelligent one, the kind hearted soul. Even as I smile at myself I see the lie, the deceit behind the sweet gesture. I want so much to be saved by my lover, the man I have given everything to, but only solitude awaits me. I […]
Sometimes… in life, people fall down… and they don’t really want to get up again. I fell down slowly, didn’t really feel it till I hit the ground, and when I try to raise up from the floor… I can’t find the will… to live anymore. So I let myself go, watch the world go by… nobody knows when I tell the lie… It’s nothing, I’m okay. But I’m going to wake up tomorrow… for everyone’s sake.
And to those people, who managed to get up again, you have no idea how much I applaud you. Thank you, from me personally, for being strong… even if […]
Fucking anxiety. For fucks sake.
I just had an awful dream. Where one of my biggest fears actually happened. Thats not a first, no. This time it was in my house though. I cant remember if some parts actually happened before, because thats what it feels like, or if its all made up.
I have to pee but its still dark. I woke up about an hour ago. Around 6:10 am. Ive been waiting for it to turn light. I cant sleep anymore because then Ill return to the dream. I actually just got myself to move so I finally got on my laptop. Havent gotten myself […]
So I was released yesterday from an 11 day stay at the 3rd hospital.. The first time I went was October 3rd-26th. This past time was November 3rd-14th. At the first hospital they put me on Prozac, Zyprexa, and Welbutrin. Hasn’t helped even the slightest.. I’m ready to just drink a bottle of vodka and slit my wrists. For the sake of my family, someone please convince me not to…
I am the world to my parents. Everything they do, they claim to do it for me. Maybe it’s an Asian thing. Maybe it’s just a devoted parents thing. I don’t know. I’ve been wanting them to come to terms with the fact that I want to kill myself since I first decided to tell them in April. I hoped that with enough communication, they would understand the amount of suffering I’ve been enduring. Of course, no, they think I need a change of scenery, a change in lifestyle, pretty much a change in everything. Think that that would solve my problems. No. They even […]
MY PAIN SURPASSES MY COPING RESOURCES….that nailed it!!!!
IÂ have more pain than resources to cope with them!
IÂ am working on that!!!
 Friday I saw a counsellor
 I expressed my need to come up with a “””game plan””” for my life
 She helped in connnecting me to a women’s organization who will help with resumes, job hunts, following leads, ( because to my muddled brain this is the crux of my depression, not to mention being off work with a shattered leg)
Please God, help me stay focused and able to hang on until I get to that appointment on Tuesday.
Everyone always says I am so strong but for heavens sake people,  it is a front […]
I really wanted to leave. But I didnt. I just lay here in my bed crying, curled up in a ball. Which is how I spend most of my days, actually.
I texted my only friend. I dont know why. The conclusion of that conversation was that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. There were various reasons: I’m selfish. I live in my own world. I have a lack of respect. I treat people like shit.
Thoe all sound like very legit reasons. I just spend the last hour making sure I absolutely have no contact with the outside world whatsoever except for this […]
Since I can never manage to kill myself during a manic episode I figured setting a date would make things much easier.
Still didnt really decide between hanging or jumping in front of the train yet. I am forever in doubt about everything.
It didnt really make things easier though.
Since I woke up this morning I felt weird. I felt this feeling of determination and at the same time doubt.
My mood has jumped from wanting-to-slice-my-own-throat-bad to happy. It seemed to happen more often than usual. I was pretty set on hanging. Then somewhere during the day my anxiety kicked in and I felt too low to go […]
I want someone to tell me they love me.
Either that, or I want them to beat me up until I cant walk anymore. Calling me a worthless whore while doing so.
I think I prefer option number 2.
I’m a fifteen year old girl in the 10th grade and I have never felt so miserable in my entire life. I’m tired of being that optimistic girl that fakes a smile for the sake of everyone else. Most of my friends know about my depression but they think I’m okay at the moment. Last night I was almost positive I wanted to die, but instead of acting on the instinct to kill myself, I just lied in bed shaking and crying. I could never tell my mom that I feel like I want to die sometimes because it would either break her heart or […]
After the little incident, I’ve kind of calmed down. It took me a panic attack and about an hour of biting viciously to calm down. Which sucks. I broke my personal goal of no more biting. :/
I think I’m letting this situation get out of hand. I tore myself up about it and now I just need to let it go. For crap’s sake, it’s college. I don’t understand why I beat myself up over a fucking one night stand. So for a few days, I’ve been recovering from my stupidity and getting back on track with classes. It was going pretty well. Then last […]
I shouldn’t complain about my life.It’s not like I wasn’t hugged as a child or anything. I should be strong like my dad and not complain about anything.I wish I could just stand there and take what life throws at me, but I can’t.And that is why i’m worthless.I know i’m not the first girl to be bullied at school ,to have to experiance death of a friend, Not the first teenager who feels like she is the stupid kid or the first girl in the world to get moslested or the first kid to get pushed around the hospitals phyicatric wards’ system when I […]
the first cut is always the deepest…
I just want to quit.Give me 5 good reasons to stick around…
For Christ’s sake!
If God really loved me, why would He do this to me?
I cant ever be happy,like truly happy.
Am I really that easy to betray because I put myself out there and give everybody every ounce of my being?
then they see I give them everything and just betray me…What did I ever do?
Am I really that bad?
It is really frustrating to put myself out there only to be betrayed and backstabbed….
This might be my last post……
No one would care so why stick around?
I’ve come to the point in my life where I’ve realized there is no point.
by pasquelina
written by pasquelina
Since I was 14 or 15 I’ve detested living, but for the most part I’ve hung in there for other people. I tried back in 2000 (and obviously failed) to overdose on xanax. Apparently, I didn’t take enough. When I woke up I was PISSED. I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks. The last several years of my life have been as far from positive and happy as it can get. Lost my job and after living in another state for 16 years I had to move back in with my parents because I have NO money left. My father will not speak […]
is it any wonder that so many opt out of grinding for gold and leveling up for the sake of leveling up?
I’m so bored of it, and it’s my own fault. Life can be great if you’re open to it, but I’m not. I’m so afraid of people, coming into contact with them. I get debilitating diarrhea when I’ve gotten too anxious thanks to my IBS. I want to smile and laugh and be merry, but 1) I’m afraid and 2) I think people in general are dull. I’m 26 so I can’t have met that many people, but I’m already burnt out from the […]
I felt suicidal as a teenager, 20 years ago, and never thought it would happen again. I’m a trained mental health worker, I know the signs, I know who I am supposed to call, what I’m supposed to do, but I don’t see the point. Up until May this year I thought suicide was a sad act, and now, I think it is a viable option. Infact, I’ve come up with my own therapy, I have a plan. On the 26th of September 2014 I am allowed to take my own life. Four months before this date, decision making goes in to lock down- as in- […]
I’m just going to talk in a general rant manner, so sorry to anyone reading this if I switch back and forth randomly.
I want to kill myself, but I am too weak to do it. Too weak, too much of a coward. I want to die and become non existent. Die and finally be free from this shit fucking life, free from my depression, free from my pain. I can’t bring myself to do it though. I can’t even bring myself to really hurt myself. I don’t like being hurt and obviously I’m subconsciously terrified of death or I would have killed myself by […]