In the past month my life seems to have gone from about a five (being ok and slightly happy) to a zero real quick. Almost all my friends have moved and I am actually alone for the first time in a while. I almost forgot how terrible the feeling was. Everyday day I’ve been repeating in my head “I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself, I wanna shoot myself..” I’ve also started to imagine me killing myself at school in the bathrooms or somewhere like that and wondering if anyone would actually care. But its not like they would…they don’t […]
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All I could think about all day was how when I get my paycheck im gonna get some drugs and OD. Then, my grandma was so caring and attentive to me because Im sick. She made me tea, chicken soup, and told me to let her know if I needed anything else. Then, my uncle picked up a couple brews and came to shoot the shit for awhile and it was fun. How could I do that to such an awesome family? Just the burden of my funeral alone, let alone the emotional toll on them. Then, I think of my little brother and sister, […]
“There is a very popular opinion that choosing life is inherently superior to choosing death. This belief that life is
inherently preferable to death is one of the most widespread superstitions. This bias constitutes one of the most obstinate mythologies of the human species.”- Mitchell Heisman-author of Suicide Note who shoot himself because he was a nihilist.
I am getting my salary tomorrow. And I also know someone that can get me a thing that is life threatening.
I’m planning on leaving the 31st. The fact is that I don’t think I can even last that long. All I know is that I will not live to see another year without my friends and family that are already gone. This will probably be the last thing I write here. I’m just going to shoot myself in the head and I’ll finally be free from all of the bullshit.
My whole life I have been used and abandoned by men. After my last heartbreak I pretty much broke. I have been overweight most my life but once lost 100lbs. While I don’t have that much to lose again I think I’m going to use my anger and frustration and put it back into working out.
I am going to concentrate on me and my health for awhile. I want to get fit again and then instead of a relationship I’m thinking of escorting. (Not prostitution). I just need something to shoot for a goal. I can’t “use” people without their knowledge so this is as […]
Hi, it’s a time ago that I wrote a post here and I even feel more miserable than I was. I really can’t understand why methods are not allowed here. I mean detailed methods, not things like ‘jump before the train or shoot yourself in the head’ because sincerely I don’t have the guts to do something like that. In 2011 I jumped from the balcony of my appartement but it only shattered my bones! I was even not near death. I took some painkillers the day before and when my mum started to threaten me I jumped. I was not scared at all. I […]
I know I’m usually a rambler so I’ll keep this brief. After ages of debating, of hoping, of begging, I’ve decided to give up. I don’t feel like there’s anything good about me, I feel as if I’ll never be loved or supported and I’ll never achieve anything that I want. I’ve spent the past 19 years trying to feel happy. Thanks for being kind to me in my brief time here. I intend to shoot myself tomorrow morning, when everyone in my family is gone. I’ll make sure no one, but a cop or medical personnel finds me, so won’t worry about that.
i stopped smoking weed cause everyone told me that was the reason I was depressed. But now, I feel overwhelmed with anxiety all the time and I have such horrible violent nightmares all the time. My bf always plays really loud violent games all the time, and I wish I could shoot my head off.
Stay.
Still.
Don’t.
Move.
I’ll shoot this gun and make a bullet wound.
Freeze.
There.
Stay.
Square.
If you move I’ll Fire and blood will be everywhere.
Stand.
Still.
Keep.
There.
Don’t move or I’ll do it. I’ll do it.
Help.
Me.
Out.
Of Here.
Move, I dare you. I dare you, I do.
It cracked like porcelain along the edges of her mind,the crack echoed across the land, the force of of it alone split the mast and sent it careening to the side. Where the tattered and frayed sail touched,it prompted the sea water to shoot into the sky to rain down upon her.
Not even the birds were present this day. The porcelain cracked sky cascaded down in a shower of rainbow fleck chips.
It was all falling apart.
The sun could no longer support its own weight and like a man who was destined to drowned it sank below the earth never to be seen again.
The moon did […]
Police, paramedics, forensic scientists, none of these will clean a crime scene. If you kill yourself in your home, your body could sit there for some time while investigators rule out murder and/or robbery.
The body makes a huge mess, there is a lot of blood. If you shoot or cut yourself, you will leave a very large mess behind and by the time your premises are cleared to enter, your blood has started to solidify and soak into any dry space.
Like I said, none of those servicemen will clean the scene that you left. Your next of kin is expected to clean the mess, […]
The only thing that is keeping me alive now is knowing that i don’t have the proper stuff to do it with. yes i studied all the methods but many are not a guarantee. The biggest issue with me is suffering. I don’t want to do it in a way that makes me suffer, or i end up surviving but physically and mentally disabled. For me its not about an attempt, but success. Thought about shotguns and read about the exact place to shoot. but hell sometimes those are not a sure thing. Plus some of those bad boys are expensive and I wouldn’t wanna […]
I feel so frightened about the way I am now. I’ve started to put somethings into place for an exit. Bought some rope. Started practicing how to do a proper noose. Thinking about logistics. At the same time I am fighting to keep a job that because of the way I am feeling I have started to hate. I am a big woman, but I cry all the time like a baby and I don’t know why. I hate my lack of control. I hate people telling me how lucky I am to have a good job. They tell me that and I feel desperate […]
Why is everything always so fucked?! Why am I such a nice guy when everyone is a fuckin dick?! Why do I wear what little heart I somewhat have left on my sleeve for someone to just rip it out step on it stab it shoot it douse it with acid and set it on fire…. I quit…..
Five days I’ve lived since commiting to die, since calling a national hotline, my first time ever. Stuck in the rural South, My dogs and the North wind keep watch with me, watchers for the morning. I wrapmy knee in ice. It’s disintigrating from a 980’s Surgery…the sutures, tiny lengths o fibrous black, rose through my skin to the surface. And now the ligaments are tearing away. My surgeon died decades ago. My SI Joints’ ligaments stretched in an industrial accident, permit the whole set of bones to wrench away from each other. Favoring the right knee makes it worse. I think I may have […]
I had an epiphany today. Sitting in my geometry (or geography… Maybe it’s geology. I really don’t know) class it came to me; I know how I’m going to die. I’m gonna call some local dive bar up (because what will transpire shouldn’t be witnessed by anyone under 21) and tell them I’m a Romanian Gypsy magician called Bogdan the Mysterious, and am come a long way to teach the wonders of the gypsy people to the west. Once they give me the ok, I look for 8 willing midgets and a trained juggling bear to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity.
When the […]
I am done. Tired. I’ve tried DBT. I’ve tried & i’m tired. I love Scott!! I can’t tell him that though. I dream about him & wish he was in my life, other than being my therapist who I can’t & cannot appease. So, I’ve decided that death will finally take me, as I’ve always felt it would. You see, I have no friends. I can’t & don’t keep them. This world sucks!!! All you see is hate & killing. People who think they are owed, who don’t shoot for the moon themselves. They just want everything handed to them. So, my Suicide is planned […]
Nightmares every single night. Can’t stop thinking about it when awake. I sedate myself with trash TV and music and school just to try and forget. But it always comes back… each time I am sadder, angrier, more hopeless than before.
This life must end. At some point, I just need to take the risk and shoot myself in the head. Trying for the find the most desolate stretch of land around me to increase the chances of dying…
Because wordplay.
Here i sit on SP, contemplating mortality, nine-something pm my time, and fireworks whistle and pop, not far away. Three days early. I doubt the people launching them have any real clue just what it is they’re supposed to be celebrating… or how jeopardized and compromised that particular thing has come to be.
I wanted to make some kind of… soup reference, or something, but alas, i’m not in gear for that at this time. It’s just that the 4th of July has been an increasingly stark source of irony for me, since i found myself awake.
I wonder if they know what “Independence” really means.
I […]
I thought I was just depressed because I wasn’t active enough, so recently I’ve been hanging out with old friends and I got a job and started working out but even though I’ve made all of these steps I still feel depressed and suicidal almost every day. I still want to end this pain that I can’t find the source of and still want to shoot my stupid face.
I fucking thought that I could be helped and that I could find the solace I’m looking for but, no matter how many people I can bond with, no matter how many girls I aimlessly flirt with, […]
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