I don’t know why but recently I do want to just disappear. Recently I have so much stresss from for finding a new job. Also my wife is not helping at all. She works, but she keeps on pushing me. To a point i just want to end it. Sometimes I just want a divorse and sometime I just want to end my life because of so much stress. I don’t know what I should do. Sometimes I pray that I won’t wakeup in the morning. That my life will end in my sleep. I don’t want to kill myself, because I think its wrong. […]
Tag:
Sleep
im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things  are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but […]
I’m at the point in my life my 23 year old life…Where I’m wondering is this world a state of my own design…Have I created this person that lives inside of me are is it as they say “Clinical Depressionâ€â€¦I’ve been this way for so long that I don’t know what happiness is…To the outside world have
everything a person could want are need but to me it’s like something is always missing…I’m always seeking that small unattainable piece of happiness that never seems to come my way…I push away people even though I need them more then air…I can’t work are go to school […]
everynight… I have to go to sleep with this image in my head tht makes me wish I was never born… Nd sometimes I wonder, was I born to be torcherd ? Does god hate me, or is there a god??? Because if there is… He ain’t helping me… Nd I have faith, nd I pray… I just don’t get it..
Every second I’m awake I wish I was asleep, but the cruelest joke this life plays on me is to not let me experience sleep. I fall asleep and immediately wake up 8 hours later (like everyone else). My worst fear is that when sweet sweet death finally comes, it will be exactly like sleep, and I’ll simply wake up seemingly immediately and be forced to be alive once more. I’m 25, and havnt learned a damned thing my entire life. All I did was play sports throughout my life until college where I picked up drinking and smoking weed. My life is horrible. I […]
let me start by saying, i tried to kill myself in 2003 by slitting my wrists, i made a mistake of doing it outside and i made such a scene that i was found before i could end what i had started (pity).I have never spoken to any of my friends about that night.The only person who knows what happened is me so i hope i press publish (Which will be a big moment for me ).Roll forward to 2012 and the battle inside is in full flow.I havent had a job since 2003 either which hasnt helped me (i have something wrong with me which makes it nearly impossible for anyone to […]
Here is a bit about me. Â I am an adult soul trapped inside a teenage body. Â I have OCD, but few know and nobody cares. Â I have depression, but few know and nobody cares. Â I live a life. Â I hate it.
People say, I have so much to live for. Â What? Â Family – like they care. Â Friends – who? Â I’m going to be a successful person, blah blah blah – who the f*ck cares? Â My dad once asked what would have happened if Albert Einstein wasn’t born. Â The answer was someone else would have come along and done what he did. Â So who cares if I’m […]
The universe finally gave me a way out; a small vile full of insulin. Just a few more weeks, and I will finally get some sleep
How do you cope?
when your…
…friend who you thought was your best friend left you?
…mother decides not to believe in you and wants to disown you?
…brother and sister decides to not stand up for you and stay with your mother instead, even though you truly believe you are right?
…only friends are the good friends, but no close friends?
…love life is in shit-hole?
…university academic is being affected by your drastic (depression) behavior?
…thoughts of suicide is re-surfacing, stronger than ever?
I am sleeping alone now in a hotel. My mother just left me to sleep in our new apartment. My brother […]
I’m stressed the fuck out, January 6th I goto jail for 2months… I’m so tempted to end it all. fuck I don’t know what to do any more, Jail is the worse place to be I have severe social anxiety and I know I will be having panic attacks all day long……… I can’t even goto the mall without feeling so nervous, jail is gonna destroy my soul. I just wanna goto sleep at night and never wake up again. end is near! fml
So I forgot to close out this website before letting my mom borrow my computer. I don’t want to talk to her about it. Why? Because there is no communicating with her. I’ve tried before. -chuckles- You know what she said? “If you do it don’t do it here”. Like that is going to make me open up to her. I wont say I HATE my mother, cause I don’t except when I’m mad lol but I do dislike her ALOT. I just don’t understand why people are so blind. I’m not perfect. There I said it. But I am trying to work on myself […]
I see the dishes clatter and fall.
I feel your breath on my face as you scream at me.
You hit my face.
My arms.
My ears.
I taste my salty blood.
At least the ringing in my ears is gone.
I see mother crying
Almost as if she’s begging you to stop.
You swing at me again.
My face to the floor.
How do I explain these bruises?
I won’t tell.
I won’t tell.
I’ll just smile to the wary eyes.
I’ll just wave it off.
No big deal.
No one will know your problem.
I don’t know why I exist
But maybe I’ll live to […]
Humans, humanity, and this (earthly) world/life is not/never a perfect place..
sometimes it even can be ‘blamed’ because of our human’s hard-wired Nature. ie: the way we’re ‘created’.
A famous atheist literature Christopher Hitchens who just passed away ironically few days before Christmas, he said this: “Evolution has meant that our prefrontal lobes are too small, our adrenal glands are too big, and our reproductive organs apparently designed by committee; a recipe which, alone or in combination, is very certain to lead to some unhappiness and disorder.”
think about that, really…and this is even still just ONE factor (ie: I’m still not talking about other ‘imperfections’ nature […]
Forgive yourself & other humans,..because this *earthly* life is not perfect…and we’re all only humans…we made mistakes.
and besides, we all live only ONCE in this earthly life, so that’s why many people made mistakes in their life, because you can’t simply turn back time and repeat life..
So forgive yourself (& others), free yourself from all the restricting guilts,
keep learning,
and keep doing the Best & worthwhile while you’re still given a chance to exist and alive here in this physical world…
so i have not talked about myself really. and i guess i will now, since im really bored right now. my name is Gabby. im 16, gonna be 17 in april. i live by chicago. i moved here from lithuania when i was 9. i wouldnt want to live in any other counry, but i would really wanna live in either San Francisco or Las Vegas. ive never been to either of those places but they seem very unique. my favorite color is pink. i love art. i watch a ton of movies all the time. im still a sophmore. i have strong beliefs in human rights. […]
The four day weekend is a done deal. My husband and I laid way low. We could hardly talk for turning it into a fight! All I hear is babbling about FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY and we have seriously messed up individuals in both of ours. Managed to avoid all of them. Turned my phone off. Took walks, raked leaves, raked leaves and then some more. Low on cash, so didn’t cook up anything fancy, but we did cook.
Bit too much bickering. No one is ever right, we’re both tired of dealing with broken relationships with parents, siblings, etc. that are beyond repair. Wasted arguments about […]
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.†– George Carlin
Hail George.
he’s right.
fucking humans who like to over-complicate everything with all their ‘systems’ and rules and BS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QW4x4gswm-o
“Tsubasa wo Kudasai” (Please Give Me Wings)
Lyrics translation:
“If I could have my wish come true right now
I’d want to have wings
Please place wings on this back
like a bird
I want to spread my wings
and fly in these heavens
To the free sky with no sadness
I want to flutter my wings and fly
Even now, I don’t need money nor fame,
what I want are wings!
The things I dreamt as a child,
I still dream about them today!
I wan’t to spread my wings
and fly into this wide sky!
I want to flap my wings and fly to this
free sky filled […]
Reason for my downfall is simple: this real world is too damn boring, I can’t stand it anymore
by niki
written by niki
Perhaps to the contrary of what many of you would think here,
I am actually live from a quite healthy & “normal” situation/environment, eg:
– I am born from a quite loving, and healthy family. My childhood was a quite happy ones, with lots of traveling here & there.
– I am from a quite middle-to-upper class family, which can be said, I’m pretty much okay/well-off, albeit not super/very-rich.
– I even went to all those what “normal” society would call “great routes” in life like: great education & school overseas (in U.S, “The Land of the Dream” for immigrant people like me, which is […]
I hope 2012 come quickly, because this real world is too goddamn boring. I mean, what’s so interesting with all the “stock prices goes up, stock prices goes down, profits goes up, profits goes down”, and then on the other side you have party-poopers dumbwits kind of crowd.
I also hate like majority of humans as they’re usually dumb and ignorant, and prefer to have fun, party, have sex, seeking profits & money, rather than care about the continuation of civilization & humanity progress, basically, the things that REALLY MATTERS.
So hope HUGE catastrophe come! kill ’em all!
I for one never feel like I belong in […]