It has been months and months in which I have been seriously contemplating whether or not I am depressed. Some days I will smile up at heaven (this not intended to start a religious battle, but for all educational purposes) and thank God for all he has done for me, however other days which seems to be a 70% time thing as opposed to a 30% time of the looking to heaven. I feel extremely stressed due to school, I am 16 years old have been taking classes since freshman year (now a junior) throughout the high school years with not a single summer break. […]
Tag:
Suicidal Tendencies
Is there any way to direct message anyone on here? I’m usually not one for trying to form personal relationships (hence the suicidal tendencies) but some people on here seem like people I could actually really relate to and would like to chat with. Is there a chat function here or do you have to like exchange e-mails or something. Sorry I’m new here.
Life is too precious too consider throwing away. theres so many beautiful people in this world and mysteries and suprises you’d never expect and to cut your life short is throwing away any chance of having that. My mom always said it’s funny how things work, and she’s right. Having god come in my life in 10th grade couldn’t have been just a coincidence. i didn’t know the hardships and battles i would face later in life. God guided me all the way through there though, it was a miracle. i’ve made alot of mistakes along the way and my drug and alchohol abuse, while […]
I know it may be naive but please attempt to listen to what i have to say
written by searching for hope
I wrote an essay on how to be happy and remain in that state of mind no matter the situations in your life. It basically focuses in changing your mental process. i believe that if we learn how to control our thoughts, we can control our emotions and actions. For example, if you catch yourself having bad thoughts, learn how to replace them by good thoughts. Its a long process but it can help you if you put effort into it and continue to practice it with patience and belief. Some of us have gone through the worst things in life, in fact, depression and […]
I used this website for a bit and it helped some to communicate with people who can understand the struggle of depression. i think i managed to be okay for two years.. but i had a downfall and im not really sure what exactly caused it but the point is.. im back and personally it got way worse.. i had mentioned how i had tried taking my life but i dont remember ever doing some of the things i have done in the past months.. almost a year already that i guess “the cycle” came back. ive actually reached out to professionals and i went […]
Some Information
I’m a 16 year old guy.
My only friend is this girl in my 6th period class. We don’t really hang out, but we talk in school. So that’s a friend right? We talk at night over the phone about all sorts of stuff. Since I don’t even sleep at night I always have to hang up on her because she’s so stubborn and refuses to sleep until I do. But even though we talk about lots of deep, important stuff at night, we have never had to say anything like “Don’t tell anyone!” She just trusts me and I just trust her.
Sorry I should choose better words. […]
I erased all my other posts. I have decided not to participate on the ****** site anymore. Why? Because of the bullying/harassment. I am pretty sure everyone who has come here has dealt with some kind of harassment from someone at some time. That is life. BUT…when it spills over into a so called “support site” then that is a place that is NOT safe for those with depression and suicidal tendencies.
I have heard that a few people have stopped coming on here because of the problem of harassment, and I have witnessed it personally, and been the target of it. I am going […]
Rapidly spiraling
down,
down,
always downward.
Never up.
Envisioning in my mind
of blood running down my arm
my face
my stomach
my legs & ankles.
Feelings of nothingness.
Wanting to cry, throw up,
and turn away with guilt and regret.
Suicidal Tendencies come forth,
beckoning and pushing me away
from the temporary refuge
I had inexplicably found in dreams.
Regrets pile up around me
little post-it notes on the walls
covered in despair and insanity.
Incomprehensible thoughts running through my head
screaming in agony I bleed
scarlet rivulets create a river of inconsistencies.
so the summer of my 19th year has come to the climax of failing half my first year exams and continuing to fuck up during the holiday that followed, so it’s unlikely I’ll make it back to university, precipitating the major crash and burn i’ve had coming for a while i suppose
i’ve recently overdosed on ecstasy a few times, taken some desperate nights out in cities far from home and with strangers and just generally been ‘that guy’.. i did have close friends, but along with a sane home life it’s all just disintegrated and basically i’m half working to pass my exams to get […]
So my last post was about my last remaining friends nearly leaving me.
Last week, on Wednesday, I guess they made the decision to abandon me completely.
I was going to go out with a bunch of their friends. It was going to be a very, very good thing for me. My life was finally looking up, and I was actually going to talk to one of them about my suicidal tendencies. I was going to make a conscious effort to try and drag my self out of this hole, and I might have actually managed it given time.
And then I got a text.
“Sorry, they don’t want […]
I am really struggling at the moment. My suicidal tendencies are so strong, I am so de-sensitised to the idea of killing myself, that it is really only my two sons who keep me anchored. When even that becomes not enough, I go into hospital, where I am now – again – the fifth time in 2 1/2 years, and I’ve already been in now for five weeks this time. I just looked at my progress chart, and basically there has been none – a few blips where I got better for a few days, and then I drop down again.
I am just loosing […]
I honestly don’t know anything anymore, I’m not sure why I am here, what my purpose is, or why I do any of the things I do, but I do them. My suicidal tendencies continue to stay in my mind, and in the last 24 hours they have grown considerably. Now that I think about it, the last time I left the house to do anything social was months ago, sometime around February. That part I don’t fully understand more than most things. I consider myself, and I’ve been told by other they consider me, to be a kind person, quite fun and a good […]
“My name is unimportant. I am neither male, nor female. My age has no relevance to my grief. Consider me a faceless representation of depression. An anonymous death seeker. A hopeless nobody.”
I’ve met someone. At this point in time I can’t decide whether it’s a blessing or a curse, a cure to my life-long battle with depression, or a catalyst. This someone is special. The way I feel when I’m with them is astonishing. I feel happy, and content with myself. I feel at ease. At peace. And when I am with them it feels like my troubles have slipped through my […]
Is what I tell my mom. ‘no, it’s okay, I’m just tired’ for my dad. ‘Could you leave, please? I’m thinking’ is snapped at my little sister. And then I’m alone.
School’s out. I’m a kid. I should be ecstatic, right? But I’m not. Lately, I’ve just been feeling so alone, so hopeless. I have small projects I’ve been working in in my spare time, but I’m starting to think ‘why bother, this is stupid’ and abandon them. Occasionally I’ll get my hopes up for something, but somehow when it comes I always seem to screw it up. Then it’s over, and I’m back in […]
So guys I know most the stuff posted on this site is depressing but I wanted to tell you about a friend of mine. He shot himself point blank in the forehead. Luckily people found him just a few minutes later and he was still alive. He was rushed to the hospital and put in ICU. Somehow either miraculously or whathaveyou he survived. No, he is not a vegetable either, actually now that inearly 6 months have passed, he is having conversations, standing up, solving difficult puzzles and going through physical and mental therapy. I hope to god […]
So, here is my (quick) history:
I met a girl on the internet, via a social network. We talked a lot and decided to meet in person. We kissed and we did swear love forever to each other. Â She lives ~250km from me, btw. We have been together since then, 4 years now.
A few months ago, we started to fight very often, everyday. We broke up a couple of month ago, but I came after her to try to reunite us again, like we used to. Well, it worked…for a while.
Like my title says, for now, I can’t have both. Though you guys may say that […]
Do you see how you you have hurt me? I wonder when you are up there if it makes you laugh or if it makes you cry. Oh girl, when you were alive my world was an endless bliss, but now it seems so bleak and empty. Why did you die was it something I did i feel like a colourful canvas which has been washed clean to show complete darkness. I would rip the whole world apart just to spend one more minute in your embrace. Why did you kill yourself? You leave a note saying it is not my fault but then why […]