I am a 20 year old female, struggling through life and unsure what my future holds. I am currently in college and have been with my significant other for about two years. I have had two miscarriages and it’s been eating me alive inside. He does not understand the pain nor does he try to understand, and he is the only one who knows because I couldn’t bring myself to tell my family about it. I am so broken and have been suicidal/depressed since I was a young girl in elementary school. I am just at the point in life where I do not want […]
Tag:
Suicide
One.
For the sadness that lies deep in my heart,
And for the freedom that’s about to start.
Two.
For the hurt I’ve felt for 6 long years,
And for those long nights filled with tears.
Three.
For the emptiness I always feel,
And for my soul that will never heal.
Four.
For the broken smile I always fake,
And for my joy that always seems to break.
Five.
For a life I no longer want to live in,
And for death to take over and win.
Twenty.
For my last breath I will ever take,
And for my eyes to close and never to wake.
– A.B
Just a little background information: The countdown are not seconds, or time in general.
All this stress from not wanting to be alive anymore, to fake friends , no real emotional support, my rape, my rape case going up into smoke and having to still continue living when my suicide attempt wasn’t successful has been weighing me down the whole year. Today for two minutes I find some kind of solace, or peace that felt was the closest thing to feeling celestial I could achieve (considering I don’t believe in God, heaven or hell). Then I find out then I’m about to flunk out of school and that numbing misery is re-injected into my soul to disinfect the small […]
the title says it all. Drink 3-4 gallons of water and your history. or at least that’s what I though would happen. Ive tried this method 4 times and all that happened in those 4 times was both vomiting and lots of trips to the bathroom. The closest ive ever gotten to succeed with this method was the first time I tried it. I got blurry vision and confusion which made me glad because I knew it meant it was working so I drank up even more. I headed to bed and I either fell asleep or was getting in and out of consciousness every […]
I don’t think I can continue this life anymore. I’ve been struggling with anxiety for about 6 years and major depression for 2 years.
I only have a couple friends. They are my only friends, but we don’t see each other much because one of them works a lot, and the other lives a state away.
It feels like I’m wasting my life away. I haven’t done anything spectacular or fun. I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve never had a large group of friends. I’ve always been the outcast, the invisible one, the freak.
No one really cares about me. I know they […]
a storm is brewing
dark and long
a storm is headed your way
huge clouds
to stop your train of thought
rain to fill your eyes
wind to stop you from hearing
a storm is brewing and is headed right for you
sending imagination your way
a storm has hit
darkening the world
clouding the judgement
stopping thoughts from processing
people only use the imagination that’s given
killing the happiness inside
A storm has passed
killed minds but left the souls
hey,
just want to share a little bit of my story. Sorry for my bad english.
My father is an alcoholic psycho, as long as I can think. He was allways fliping out. I started smoking weed, when I was 12. I was smoking and drinking every day, since Im 16. At this age, I became sick, crohns desease. Every day pain, like hell… Im on opiate painkillers since Im 20. This every day pain breaks my brain. Got depressed after some years of horrible pain. With 25 I started to take speed, meth, cokain everyday use, in weekends mdma, sometimes lsd, alltogether with weed and painkillers. Every […]
Wow I haven’t posted anything in a while. I suppose that’s a good thing. I’m 17 now, not 13 and silly. When I think back what I was dealing with then seems so little, so insignificant. It’s funny how age and experience changes your view. I know, I know a 4 year age difference is not at all that big. But I feel like I’ve changed a lot and a lot has happened. They say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but I’m not so sure anymore. I’m heavily depressed and I know it, I’m not in denial or anything but I really […]
I can’t take it anymore I’ve wanted this for years. After my grandma died I felt lost. I was with her when it happened, I was only 12. After that my life just went downhill. I dropped out of school got in trouble with the police. I’m never going to amount to anything so why does it matter.
I am officially screwed.
People say money can’t buy happiness. But it can. And I need money to buy braces, new glasses, for future university tuition, etc.
I just turned 17 and found out that I need to get my wisdom teeth out, get braces, and all that. Overall it will cost around $10k, maybe more. I don’t have that kind of money, and my parents can’t afford it.
I can save a bit of money if I choose to get my wisdom teeth out on a simple dentist chair. But I’ll probably freak out and the surgeons don’t want that so I’ll have to be put to […]
I am 16 and in a week I’ll be 17.
Today my dad spoke with my teachers and talked about how I’m doing in school (grade 11).
The usual stuff they say:
• I’m quiet
• I sit alone (in some classes)
• I don’t participate in classes
those kind of things.
My teachers also said how bad I’m doing. And my parents didn’t react that well.
My dad is pissed at me.
And my mum hates me. She always says that “I’m useless” and that “no one will hire me for a job” and that “I’ll be picking up garbage and living on the streets.” And she’s always adds that “I’ll be dead […]
Well it’s a little over a year later & I’m still breathing. I don’t have any friends left. None of them could accept or understand how traumatic losing Karla was to me. They couldn’t comprehend how loosing a girlfriend felt like my life was over. I had what I thought was a best friend (Robert) who is of the viewpoint that when it comes to single people anything goes and it should just bounce off like rain drops. In the end before Robert said our friendship is over he said only married people count and married men can’t hang around with single guys.
I’ve never […]
back in march 2015, my best friend (really my only friend) died. i was 16 years old and of course, it destroyed me. i didnt leave my room for months, did terrible in school, my father had to force me to eat something most days, i never knew i could cry so much every single day.
i still feel that pain every day two years later. ive moved in with my grandparents, started taking antidepressants. i got slightly happy for a quick minute.
i met a girl, allie, through bellas death since she was a mutual friend. we instantly became close because of how we both lost […]
I’m going to do it. I want to do it. But I have to wait a year. Something in this house is stopping me from what should happen. I was born a terrible person, by no fault of my parents. I was born as a horrible human, I hurt everyone around me. If you knew me I am sure you wouldn’t think that. But don’t be deceived I have done horrible things in the past and I am pretty sure I will do some thing horrible in the future. It’s my fault that there’s people in this world who suffer. I don’t want to move […]
Long story short im dieing, not actually dieing but spiritually and mentally. I dont feel alive among other things. The only thing I wanted in life was this friendship with a friend and we became really good friends. My happiest moments was when we were hanging out and i dont mind that my life was completely falling apart. Some shit happened that was out of my control but we stopped being friends and i tried to kill myself for 2 months because I had never felt so alone. I didnt really have anyone else or anyone I cared about. I stopped because we started being […]
Ok this is my first and probably last time i will do this
Ok all i want to say is that i dont deserve to be alive all i do is make other people upset hurt or just angry.
I have tried counselling and talking to friends but none of that seems to help me to stop wanting to kill myself
I dont know if i will ever read comments on this but there is one thing i do know.
Im not afraid to die
After all i deserve it
Life is hard Yea i get that
But getting adopted and then put back into the […]
Dear M, My one and only friend
You were the best person I ever met. You always took care and looked out for me even though im such a child. Everytime I feel apart you helped pick me back up. You pushed and motivated me to be something with my life. I looked up to you in a lot of ways. You pushed me to get a job, mostly because i wanted money to hang out with you but i still had a job. You even inspired me to give college another chance. Your the only person I trust with my life. Your the only person […]
… But I’m scared of failure.
Will I be paralysed?
Brain damaged?
Fail and I’ll be watched and not able to reattempt.
………………..
Vent.
I have mental health, undiagnosed… But imo it is severe.
Vent.
I’m almost 26. Literally everybody I’ve met this year thought I was 12.
When I was 15…. Everybody thought I was 10-12.
You get the picture.
I’m paedo bait.
Not everyday you get to legally “bang” a “12” year old.
Lost count of the times middle aged men have tried to prostitute me and continue on to tell me they thought i was 12-14.
Walking home today with my mum and her partner and […]
I’m her mum I loved her more than anyone
so where were you when you I had been raped as a kid? Why didn’t you be the mum and help me ? Why did I have to lie and hide to protect your feelings? I was the kid. I was the one mean to be crying. Instead you cried and lost your shit so i protected you. I just needed someone to help me, why did you have to be weak?
Why are you so depressed ? Why were you so sad all those years? What why? Your a mother your meant to be strong. You brought […]
I have always had a inkling in the periphera of my mind that this life was just an elaborate level of many levels of a dream while in a deep sleep or coma. I have figured it is time to find out. Not because life is not worth living or simply because I only want to find this out. It’s just that my particular life is not worth living.
I have hit a dead end in my life. Even though I have contemplated suicide half of my teen years and all of my adult years, I have held on to some form or strand of someone […]