So the only guy i have been able to acutally have a real conversation with just got a girlfriend. Background: i have known this girl for 4 yrs she is a *****. Not because shes hes girlfriend but because she is a evil, hateful,spineless,vain slut. She has had twice many…hmm whats a tastful word…partners?, then i have birthdays, im 17! The guy (lets call him Bernie) is sweet nice smart and ive known him for 3yrs and ive liked him as long as ive known him. About 6 weeks ago we talked for 4 hrs and i was actually thinkimg of telling him about […]
I’m not sure if I don’t want to kill myself because I finally have a better life, for right now, or if I’m just to numb to feel sorry for myself.
For my art class I had to paint something with emotion… It took me about two days to think of something to paint since I’m almost completely emotionless.
In every painting I have it has a heart somewhere incorporated in it. I’m not sure why but I always paint hearts. I guess it’s because I’m always looking for love. I don’t know, I just always feel empty, like I’m missing something. I’ve never had this feeling before, not […]
People have told me, “Don’t do it, Emma” and “You can talk to me about anything”. But I can’t. I know I’m not alone in this but it always feels like I am. I’ve had people call the Suicide Hotlines on me and I’ve helped other people get through their own depressions but I can never seem to shake the pain, loneliness, jealousy, or depression. I have problems I know I need to fix but I just can’t.
Im 14. My name is Emma and I live in Colorado. When I was three, my mom and dad divorced after my mom knowingly broke my younger brother’s […]
Im young. Im young, so young and I know I have so much to live for.Â
But I have a destroyed childhood, and family that has lied to me since I could process things through my mind. A mother who cares about herself more than her daughters, who is willing to let her children be molested; verbally and physically beaten. A father who has continuously filled his daughters with hate by verbally, physically and mentally abusing them alongside with their mother. My mother will soon be filled with severe Alzheimer’s and she won’t have me or my sister to help her. Which is just another burden […]
I was one of those people that were always like killing yourself is stupid. I realize now that was because I had it pretty close to I prefect life. But I worked hard to do that too. I had all As and great friend. And I was so pretty. In my freshman year of high my mom told me we were moving. I didn’t want too. But would any teenager want to move 1,000 miles away from their life, friends, everything. I throw I fit but I knew I was making it harder on myself so I told her I would be good and go. […]
i cut. not too much. i wasnt gonna do as much as i did. but its not too much i dont think. it doesnt seem so bad to me really. well ill just post a few pctures of it. so yeah thats it. i find them to be beautiful. please dont judge me.
i just have to. i cant not do it any longer. im going to cut. once again. the last time i cut was in early october. that was a really long time ago. at least it seems to me like it has been forever. every night i think about it. and i am CRAVING to do it. last night before i was going to sleep i was going to do it. but it was too close to the time my brother and mom wake up and i cant risk getting caught. my mom already wants me to do some psychiatric thing. i dont want to […]
i feel so depressed. especially because im at home. i dont have the one person i wish was with me. i saw her today(my best friend that is). my parents wanted me to go to the store with them, but this morning i told my mom i dont wanna go anywhere. and when they left i went right to her house. but i feel sooo bad for what did. i enable her. soo much. and i hate it. she is an addict. even though its hard for me to say that and it breaks my heart to know that. its true though. and i am […]
I don’t understand how people can say suicide is selfish. In my case, it wouldn’t be. It’s not about “escaping” my problems. Nope…if I wanted to drown my sorrows I could easily turn to drinking or cutting myself or eating disorders or ….something, anything. I wouldn’t kill myself.
I’m an extremely logical person. The only reason I would end my life is because it’s not practical for me to be alive. Seriously, what’s the point of being alive? I have nothing to contribute to this world full of happiness and beauty and hope. My parents wasted fifteen years of time on me, spending money that could have […]
a combination of happiness and suffering
and smiling and crying
it is a journey God picked
for us to travel and see
who made it to heaven or hell.
I dont think thats fair though.
how do we know where we end up?
Does it even really matter??
We all die eventually.
We are eternally asleep when
we die.
So, no, it doesnt really matter.
Our souls will go across the universe.
Nothing will be destroyed when i
Die.
I dont even believe many people will remember me at all.
So why does all this matter so much?
There have been things on my mind that i just cannot
stop thinking of.
And i dont think those things have answers or
explanations.
so today was a long and bad day. started off a good day though. but i was arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of weapon in school, possession of another students property (theft), and possession of lighters. this all happend in school. it sucked. i was in the deans office for like 4 hours. im gonna need to go to court, and i was suspended from school for ten days. might even get expelled. but i dont think i will. then i might need to go to rehab. so my life sucks even more now. i got a mugshot and finger printed too. […]
Im still sane.
I told my cousin how I’m in love with her and that I think about her all the time, told her my dream where I ask her out which to me shows this love isn’t a horny attempt for a teenager to get laid with his hot cousin.
I believe sometimes that my love for her iss an ill attempt to find love again after being heartbroken by Nycolle. My love is real and not some incest bound love, because if she were anyone else i would fall for her either way. I wish to exchange a kiss so badly and hopefully […]
i am a simple teenager suffering from epolepsy with weed smoking parents and being bullied 24/7 at school i am on psn (ALPHA_96_2K11 if u want to add me ) and i hav a wonderful gf but she has serious anger problems and she mostly takes the anger out on me so and at school i hav no time to concentrate and my xmas exams were sh*t and with the juniour cert coming up i just dont see no point no more so at the end of it i hav made 2 choices for myself either kill 1 of my bullies ,get sent to jail […]
Words of wisdom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Na9-jV_OJI
i’m staring at this blank page waiting to type something but ii have no idea what but i have so much to tell about..so i guess i’ll just start telling.
I’m a girl 15 and last year i tried to commit suicide by cutting my wrists,I survived . I have scars on my wrists and thigh,i used to had more but they fade away, I did a lot of self-harm cuz that was the only way i could feel some relief.My mother heard me cry almost every night,she saw my scratches  on my arm but didn’t do anything about it.I’ve tried many times to tell them […]
I was at drivers ed tonight at my high school and there was a basketball game going on and i looked in and i saw all the girls with their friends and families and all i cant think is why cant i have that? why cant i have friends who will support me? why cant i have friends in general or people who like me? no guys are ever interested in me and the only guys that are, are the kinds that just want a ding dong ditch because i let every guy in that i can because they are the only ones that ever […]
for me life is a game for me i believe god sent me to the earth, an epolepsy infected teenager, to have a f*cked up life and see what i do liveing with weed smoking parents, s*it grades and no friends. when its over i go to bed crying and shaking. there is no god for me. i believe if i die i get to be some 1 else. id like this because i can get out of this s*it life and be happy.
im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things  are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but […]
Ya know, I have had many, many, many, suicides this past month or so. Three. They all never showed any signs or anything and of course with the subject coming up everywhere i look now that this has happened it has reopened my deep feelings of wanting to do it however i stuck in there because it was the holidays.
Today i found out my parents are getting divorced. out of the whole year it had to be this month with all my friends’ suicides. like seriously. this is tearing me apart but i put on a brave face and listen to both of them […]
For most of my childhood and adult life I have had enjoyable and pleasant dreams, however for the past twenty years I have not had one single good dream. I was told that I was probably having “good” dreams but forgetting them by the time I got out of bed. Ten years ago, I bought a small tape recorder and put it on the head of my bed so the moment that I woke up from a pleasant dream I could just reach up and grab it and record what I had dreamed.
I can tell you that for the past ten + years I have […]